“You want boom boom?” asked two Vietnamese hookers on a moped. I was in Hanoi, trekking around in search of mayhem and kick ass pho (Vietnamese noodle soup). I don’t pay for sex. No offense to those who hire whore now and again. My charm and cooking skills are enough to get girls naked. But these two young trollops were hot and the mathematical possibilities enticing it. So I asked them, “Will you love me long time?” They nodded and beckoned me to get on the back of their motorbike. So I countered, “Are you so horny?” Damn straight they were. The cherry on top was when I asked them to call me “Soldier boy.” One said, “We give you boom boom, soldier boy.” The other added, “Me so horny. We love you long time.” I had a Full Metal Jacket growth in my pants, but contracting GI Joe Kung Fu grip wasn’t recommended in my Lonely Planet guide. So I declined their offer for boom boom. Instead I got this chicken sandwich from a street vendor that was amazing, although not quite as interesting as the international incident I passed up. To all the girls I have banged since…You’re Welcome!
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 sandwich rolls
2. 1 tsp lemon juice
3. 1 tsp soy sauce
4. 1 tsp oyster sauce
5. 1 tsp fish sauce
6. ½ onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 carrot sliced thinly
8. 1 tomato sliced thinly
9. 2 chicken breasts
10. 1 handful shredded coconut
11. 1 handful cilantro chopped finely
12. 1 CHILI diced finely
13. 1 tbsp vegetable oil (not pictured, St. Peter has already taken note)
Mince the chicken and then marinate with cilantro, chili, onion, coconut, soy sauce, fish sauce, oyster sauce and lemon juice (approx 15 min).
Cook the chicken thoroughly with vegetable oil (approx 5 min). Slice open the bread rolls and stuff the chicken into them. Add the tomato and carrot slices and shut the sandwich, soldier boy.