HOT LIKE A CHEETAH FAJITA SINWICH

December 21, 2009

Run like a cheetah to tap that booty

There are some people out there too fine for their own good.  You know the type I’m talking about.  It’s as if they are cursed to roam the earth surrounded by an unsightly subspecies, the rest of us. That’s how I feel every time I’m around someone so stunning, I wonder if perhaps my sins were not too great to exclude me from a heaven membership. Fat chance of that.  The beta person would not dare try to engage the near-mythical sexual creature for fear of abject humiliation.  But I always take the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach, which sometimes pays back in decadent dividends.  When you do step up to the plate, be ready to knock it out of the park by having a plan. I’m cocky about my cooking skills. So with swagger and spitfire I invite the sexier-than-thou and let them know not coming to my place for some grub will be their loss.  No cheetah will deny the rarefied opportunity to sample your fajita sandwich.

Total time: approximately 25 minutes

Projected cost: $6

Drinking Buddy:BANGARITA

Ingredients (serves 2):

1. Mayonnaise to taste

2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil

3. 4 dashes fajita seasoning

4. 2 sandwich rolls

5. 2 GREENSBURY MARKET organic chicken breasts

6. 1 onion sliced in long strips

7. 1 red bell pepper sliced in long strips

8. 1 lime wedge

9. 1 small handful cilantro chopped coarsely

10. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly

11. 1 tomato sliced thinly.

Step 1

Slice the chicken breasts into long thin strips and marinate in limejuice and 1/2 the fajita

seasoning (approx 15 min).

Step 2

Sauté the onion, bell pepper and cilantro in olive oil until they soften (approx 4 min).  Create room in the pan and sauté the chicken next to but separate from the veggies (approx 3 min).

Step 3

Assemble the sandwich.  First split the rolls down the top, and then spread mayo as needed.  Stuff each roll with veggies, chicken, tomato and avocado.

Serve this gringo twist on a Mexican classic with a some GARLICKABLE FRIES.


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SOLDIER BOY SINWICH

August 28, 2009
The man in the black pajamas makes a mean sandwich. Don't flavor with napalm!

The man in the black pajamas makes a mean sandwich. Don't flavor with napalm!

“You want boom boom?” asked two Vietnamese hookers on a moped. I was in Hanoi, trekking around in search of mayhem and kick ass pho (Vietnamese noodle soup). I don’t pay for sex. No offense to those who hire whore now and again. My charm and cooking skills are enough to get girls naked. But these two young trollops were hot and the mathematical possibilities enticing it. So I asked them, “Will you love me long time?” They nodded and beckoned me to get on the back of their motorbike. So I countered, “Are you so horny?” Damn straight they were. The cherry on top was when I asked them to call me “Soldier boy.” One said, “We give you boom boom, soldier boy.” The other added, “Me so horny. We love you long time.” I had a Full Metal Jacket growth in my pants, but contracting GI Joe Kung Fu grip wasn’t recommended in my Lonely Planet guide. So I declined their offer for boom boom. Instead I got this chicken sandwich from a street vendor that was amazing, although not quite as interesting as the international incident I passed up. To all the girls I have banged since…You’re Welcome!

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a PANTY DROPPING SHANDY

vietnamese chicken prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. 2 sandwich rolls
2. 1 tsp lemon juice
3. 1 tsp soy sauce
4. 1 tsp oyster sauce
5. 1 tsp fish sauce
6. ½ onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 carrot sliced thinly
8. 1 tomato sliced thinly
9. 2 chicken breasts
10. 1 handful shredded coconut
11. 1 handful cilantro chopped finely
12. 1 CHILI diced finely
13. 1 tbsp vegetable oil (not pictured, St. Peter has already taken note)

Step 1
Mince the chicken and then marinate with cilantro, chili, onion, coconut, soy sauce, fish sauce, oyster sauce and lemon juice (approx 15 min).
vietnamese chicken marinate
Step 2
Cook the chicken thoroughly with vegetable oil (approx 5 min). Slice open the bread rolls and stuff the chicken into them. Add the tomato and carrot slices and shut the sandwich, soldier boy.

vietnamese chicken cook assemble

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