January 26, 2016
- Thai me up, Thai me down, Thai one on!
That’s right! You know how to do what you do so do it. Ooh ooh, baby, do it one more time. I can’t get enough of your tasty taste. It’s so exotic, so flavorful, so foreign to my white bread existence. Suddenly all the TV Dinner memories are evaporating into adventures in Thailand. I’m on a beach getting my hair braided. I’m in the jungle communing with shaman living in a tree house. I’m in Bangkok breaking all 10 Commandments. It’s all because you spice up my life. Keep it up. Now that I’ve tasted the East, these noodles will keep the memories alive at the very least. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
December 18, 2015
There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time saying no to a three-way. Even if that just means three-sided tofu treats, I’m down. So many good things come in threes. Comedy gold is done in trifecta. My favorite nights of carnal connections involved a third party. Clearly three is company and never a crowd. And what better way to ignite such an evening of exploration and fornication than with some edible treats? These tofu triangles are classy, sassy and won’t leave you gassy. Plus you can appeal to the free loving hippie in all of us by serving tofu. A little curiosity never hurt no one no how! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, hippie, Japanese, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bi-curious, carnal connections, classy, delicious, DIY, easy, exploration, fish sauce, food, free-loving, fried tofu recipe, fry, game changer, gassy, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, libido, lime, marinate, ménage à trois, naked, orgy, recipe, sassy, sauce, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, tasty, three-way, threesome, tofu, trifecta, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 7, 2015
It's the happiest ending on Earth!
You want happy ending? You got happy ending. No ending will be quite so happy as the one that follows this meal. If you can’t get laid with mussels and wine, you will never get laid…with this date. Move on. Your pheromones must be reeking of something close to a hippo’s ass if this dish fails to land you in bed. Steamed APHRODISIACS incarnate swimming in a broth of spicy awesomeness will unleash the alpha instinct left dormant by society’s deprogramming. Embrace the power endowed in you and take what is yours. The secret to steamed mussels success is that they are simple to make. But your date doesn’t need to know that. All they should be aware of is that this dish looks, smells and tastes impressive. Think of this dish like some Eurasian rock star that defies classification unless you are classifying something as ethereal. Now get out there and pretend cooking these mussels is worthy of a Nobel Prize! I already received my prize…in the bottom of a box of cereal. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bang, Belgium, brown sugar, cilantro, coconut milk, curry paste, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, Eurasian, finger food, fish sauce, french, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, happy ending, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, leek, limejuice, moules frites, naked, nobel prize, olive oil, protein, recipe, rock star, seafood, seduce, sex, shellfish, spicy mussels, steamed mussels recipe, tasty, thai, thai mussels, Thai spiced steamed mussels recipe, Thailand, tomato, white wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 9, 2015
Get their curry in a flurry 'til their eyes go blurry.
Rule #1 of gaming is to never be too eager. Desperation is herpes to your prospects. Why rush the inevitable by being a needy little bitch? The best seductions simmer to the point you can’t resist taking a nibble. Serve it up too soon and you will barely enjoy the undercooked, underwhelming sensations to follow. Don’t repeat my tragic blunders by rushing the vibe when it ain’t solid. The only thing you’ll have is a shiny new pair of blue balls. Granted there are certain opportunities to pounce on post haste. These are fun, but fleeting. When it comes creating something exceptional, a little restraint never hurt nobody no how. I’m not suggesting pussing out entirely like some chump. Just know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ‘em; and know when to bang ‘em. Now savor every last morsel of their curry, champ! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, spicy, thai, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, blue balls, blunder, cilantro, coconut milk, delicious, desperation, DIY, eager, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, never hurry their curry recipe, olive oil, onion, post haste, pussing, recipe, red curry, rushing the vibe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simmer, tasty, thai, Thailand, vegan, vegetarian, vegetarian red curry recipe, yummy, zucchini | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 16, 2015
Don’t be an octopussy. Eat the goddamn salad!
Don’t mess with Octopussy. That girl has Bond and every other man wrapped around her fingers, eight to be exact. But that was before she went through the Bond rotation. Octopussy never recovered once he cast her aside for the next tramp that could crush his spine with her thighs. That’s where I came in. She needed a rebound and I was generous to provide my body for that purpose. All I had to do was sneak into her floating palace past her army of trained female bodyguards with a bag full of groceries. You may assume that I am trained with the ability to scale walls and hold my breath underwater for over an hour. But all I have is my charisma and disarming sense of humor. So I subdued the Octopussy cult army with cooking anecdotes and they took me to their leader. It was tempting to just engage in a massive orgy with her trained killers, but my mission was to Cook To Bang Octopussy. Homegirl gave me 10 minutes to impress her or I would be fed to her bloodthirsty manatees. That was just enough time to fix up this salad and present it to Octopussy. One bite and she was hooked. We banged until her ego was restored. And like a good villainess, she kicked me out of bed right after and went back to work on her world domination plot. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: assassins, bang, basil, bloodthirsty, bond girl, brown sugar, charred octopus recipe, Charred octopus salad recipe, cherry tomatoes, crushed red pepper, delicious, DIY, easy, female army, fish sauce, floating palace, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green, guarantee, healthy, homemade, Ian Fleming, intercourse, james bond, kitchen, lemon juice, lettuce, manatee, mango, naked, octopus, octopus salad, octopussy, olive oil, recipe, salad, seduce, sex, tasty, villainess, world domination, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 1, 2015
Why spend another Friday night at home pissed off at yet another flake?
My number one frustration in the dating scene is flakes. Nothing pisses me off more than having a date lined up for the night and getting a call, or worse, a text message with some half-baked excuse about a forgotten lobotomy appointment. I erase their phone numbers on the spot and wipe their existence from my memory banks. This happens to all of us, especially with those you pick up without the benefit of an acquaintance’s introduction. Thems the breaks of being on the prowl. So what’s a player to do to avoid becoming a victim of the better offer? Wow the living shit out of them with a memorable meal. Granted these flaky whores and douches need to sample your cuisine first. But once they do, flaking will be the last thing on their mind. Their concern will be staying in your good graces so they never miss one of your epic meals. Crab cakes send a clear message that you are a keeper and deserve the utmost respect and courtesy. There are millions of sexy singles who would gladly take their place at your dinner table and boudoir. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, asian, Cajun, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, RECIPES, seafood, SEDUCTION, southern | Tagged: appetizer, bang, banging, better offer, boudoir, breadcrumbs, Chesapeake bay, cilantro, crab cake recipe, delicious, DIY, douches, dust, easy, egg, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fish sauce, flake, flaky, flour, food, fry, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, half-baked, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lime, lobotomy, lump crab meat, mango, Maryland, memorable, mix, naked, never flakes crab cakes, on the prowl, recipe, red bell pepper, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, singles, tasty, text message, vegetable oil, whores, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 30, 2015
This entree is dreamier than all the boy bands mixed together in a blender.
This fish is as dreamy as a 1950’s teen hearthrob. All the girls in poodle skirts want a chance to go to the drive-in with this Indonesian delight. It’s so dreamy, so steamy, so extremey! There’s a do wop band already concocting a song about that “Steamy, dreamy fish…do wop tra la la la you got your wish!” It’s taking the world by storm. Don’t you want to fit in with the popular crowd? Then I suggest you invite the captain of the football team or cheerleading squad over for dinner pronto. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is a hell of a lot healthier than that microwave dinner. Classier too! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: 1950’s icon, aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, cilantro, delicious, DIY, do wop band, dreamy steamy fish recipe, drive-in, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, healthy, homemade, Indonesia, Indonesian, intercourse, kitchen, libido, microwave dinner, naked, poodle skirt, popular crowd, recipe, red snapper, salt, scallions, sea bass, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, soft fish, soft tofu, soy sauce, spicy, steam, tasty, white pepper, wok, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 26, 2014
Inhale my kale
This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, fusion, healthy, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, avocado oil, bang, banging, basil, bim bam boom, carboluscious, carbs, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, fish sauce, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hippie, homemade, intercourse, kale, kale rice noodles recipe, kale-idoscope rice noodles, kaleidoscope noodles, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, post-coital, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, southeast asian, spicy, stirfry, sun dried tomato, tasty, vegetable oil, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 23, 2013
Soba So Lucky So Good
There are bad carbs and good carbs. Some good carbs can be great carbs with the right amount of sex appeal. We’re about to take what is already damn good for you and make it damn good for your culinary seduction game. Leave it to the Japanese to make noodles this banging on the healthy scale. They already brought us ninjas, sumo wrestling, and anime porn. No one should be surprised that their culinary innovations are as versatile as a geisha who goes from flower dancing to lap dancing. The addition of winter veggies creates an extra bonus like banging a hottie who can actually carry on a conversation other than shopping or sports. I think I’m in love, or just very hungry and horny. Either way, munch freely! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, healthy, Japanese, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: anime, asian, bang, banging, carbs, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, geisha, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, horny, hottie, hungry, I think I’m in love, intercourse, japan, Japanese, kitchen, lemongrass, libido, light, lime, naked, ninja, porn, rainbow chard, recipe, rice vinegar, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame oil, sex, so banging soba noodles, soba noodle recipe, soba noodles, soy sauce, sumo wrestling, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, versatile, white radish, winter vegetable soba noodles, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 25, 2011
Oodles of naughty noodles
This salad’s got everything you need for simple satisfaction. I’m talking the whole tit and caboodle. Sure it looks simple, but the flavor shall dance on your tongue and tickle your balls/girly parts. This is a new member of my salad repertoire, but goddamn does it bring out the smiles! Refreshing, light, and totally tasty. Come summertime, you will be glad you have this in your arsenal. Few dishes will refuel as cleanly after sweaty summer sex. You’re welcome! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, bang, banging, chili, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kit and caboodle, kitchen, leafy, lettuce, libido, light, naked, nuoc cham recipe, orange, recipe, refreshing, repertoire, rice noodles, rice vinegar, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sugar, summer, sweaty summer sex, tasty, tickle your balls, tit and caboodle noodle salad, toss your salad, Vietnam, Vietnamese dipping sauce, Vietnamese noodle salad recipe, water, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 