Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

I embrace criticism in all forms because it makes me improve my creative output. Most of my readers offer fantastic suggestions on recipes, photography tips, and occasionally their phone numbers so they get their own personal CTB servicing. But I get my share of hate mail, which honestly pleases me more than the love letters from Russian heiresses offering to pick me up in their leer jets. Hate mail lets me know I’m doing something right by creating controversy, making people think, and getting under their skin. The last great hate note one was from a RELIGIOUS WOMAN, whose opinions I respect, but don’t agree with. Below is a note from Sue in Canada who says:

You are a sick fuck. This website is not only disrespectful to women, but food is also sacred. it is clear you have too much time on your hands, among other things, i.e. your own dick as you have time to take pictures and number your ingredients… which by the way are a cheaters way of cooking. make your own salsa you lazy pig.

Allow me to retort, Sue:

Disrespectful to women:
Cook To Bang encourages men (also women) to break from the misogynist notion that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” The gender roles have been thus reversed. You see, I am a feminist at heart. I even took a Women’s Studies course in college. Note to my collegiate male audience: these classes rival yoga classes as the best place to pick up chicks.

Food is sacred:
I couldn’t agree more. Food is the great equalizer. I am an average looking guy without a vault full of cash to pay for five-star restaurant dates. Yet I tap top shelf ass thanks to my ability to create magic in the kitchen.

Too much time on your hands:
It’s true. I do. I started CTB after getting laid off. So I treat this like a job and work very hard to maintain my following with 5 recipes a week. Now I reap the benefits of all that time on my hands with a BOOK DEAL, among other lucrative opportunities I am cannot discuss in such a public forum.

i.e. Your own dick:
Now you’re losing your temper, and thus losing the argument by being nasty. The beauty of the CTB method is I don’t need to choke my own chicken. The girls I cook for are in charge of that department.

Make your own salsa you lazy pig:
I am indeed lazy now that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week. But a pig I am not since I exercise regularly thanks to all that time on my hands. As for making my own salsa, take your pick of these outstanding recipes: HORIZONTAL MAMBO MANGO SALSA SIMPLY SEXY SALSA WHO’S YOUR PAPAYA SALSA?

So Sue, thank you again for this most amusing, albeit vitriolic commentary on my life’s work. I can only assume it’s been a while since you had a proper rogering. If you are hot (verify with picture), and willing to visit me in California, I might consider Cooking To Bang you. We’ll call it community service. It might even be tax deductible.

With a whisk and a kiss,

The Cook To Bang Chef