November 24, 2008
The caprese salad has more disguises than a Scooby Doo villain
Caprese salad is the simplest Italian salad, but punches you in the nose with the complex flavors it yields. The buttery mozzarella, crisp tomato, and basil’s hint of the Italian countryside can put you a pimping pedestal. But sometimes delicious and light aren’t going to cut it when you are hungry enough to eat a Buick. Not to worry. This versatile salad leads a double life as a sandwich. So it’s easy to take this dish on afternoon picnics in areas secluded enough for you to make sweet love in the great outdoors. Should your date lack taste buds entirely and not like this sensational sandwich, the more for you to savor. “Sorry, sucka! But I still think your cute…wanna get busy in this grassy meadow?”
Ingredients (for 2 sandwiches):
1. 2 fresh baked sandwich rolls
2. Olive oil for drizzling
3. Balsamic vinegar for drizzling
4. ½ an avocado sliced
5. 1 tomato sliced
6. 8 ounces of fresh buffalo mozzarella sliced
7. 2 handfuls of fresh whole basil leaves
Slice open the bread rolls and lay out the basil leaves, tomato slices, buffalo mozzarella, and avocado. Drizzle olive oil and balsamic vinegar to your liking. You want the sandwich to be moist, but not soggy. Cut the sandwich in half and serve up on a plate with a green salad or wrap up to enjoy in the park with your head in your dream girl/guy’s lap.
November 10, 2008
Scrumptious spankings because Baby’s Got BAPT!
When I hear the word BLT, I see a greasy diner filled with truckers and vagabonds shoveling down gruel at 4am. But you can’t underestimate the power of bacon to transform something lame into something with game. Bacon’s crispness can resuscitate flavorless iceberg lettuce and beefsteak tomatoes. It comes in so many variations that everyone from anemic vegans to carnivores gnawing on turkey legs can enjoy. So why waste bacon on lame ingredients when you can turn up the bass with something outstanding? This recipe came out of serendipitous dumb luck. I met a girl at a party with a feather boa and convinced her to come back to my place with the promise of a late night snack. But I forgot to mention my fridge was more barren than Jennifer Aniston. There were four near stale slices of bread, turkey bacon (she was one of those “vegetarians” who eats fish and poultry), ½ and avocado that needed to be eaten stat, and a healthy heirloom tomato. But there was no lettuce unless you count the fern in the kitchen. Luckily I had a neglected pear sit all by itself in the fruit bowl just begging to be eaten out. My hot hungry companion went from skeptical to agreeable in the time it took to toast the stale bread. The feather boa remained on the whole night, but her clothes were not so luckily.
Ingredients (per sinwich):
1. 3 crisp bacon strips
2. ¼ avocado sliced in strips
3. 4 thin round slices of tomato
4. 4 thin slices of a pear
5. 2 slices of bread (not pictured)
Fry the bacon in a pan until crisp. Pat the grease dry with a paper towel and set aside.
Toast the bread of your choice and add favorite condom-ments; CTB recommends sourdough or cracked wheat with wasabi mayonnaise spread on one side and goat cheese on the other.
Assemble the sinwich however you like, spreading the ingredient evenly across the bread and close up shop. Cut the sinwich in half (or smaller) before serving because it’s both less messy and classier than San Diego.