BURRATA GOTTA LOTTA PEPPERS

January 6, 2016

Gotta lotta burrata to fatha

Some things in life just belong together. Dog and bone; man and woman; anal sex and lube. The sum is way more awesome than the parts. Can you imagine the Olympics without the ski and snowboard events? The very notion makes me shudder. That’s how I feel about creamy, dreamy burrata mozzarella. This majestic dairy product was hand delivered by Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed on a cloud made of chocolate and feathers. But as good as burrata is, without some sort of tasty wingman, it’s like eating caking frosting in the dark alone on a Saturday night (been there, it ain’t pretty). Tomatoes are the natural go to for most lovers of the CAPRESE SALAD and all things Italian. But clearly those well intentioned, but uninitiated have never enjoyed roasted red peppers with their burrata. I am willing to overlook this infraction, but now you have no excuse. Each bite is like a millions tiny angels tickling your balls or breasts. Heaven is calling your name, my friends! Read the rest of this entry »


CAPRESE ‘EM AGAINST THE MATTRESS SINWICH

November 24, 2008
The caprese salad has more disguises than a Scooby Doo villain

The caprese salad has more disguises than a Scooby Doo villain

Caprese salad is the simplest Italian salad, but punches you in the nose with the complex flavors it yields.  The buttery mozzarella, crisp tomato, and basil’s hint of the Italian countryside can put you a pimping pedestal.  But sometimes delicious and light aren’t going to cut it when you are hungry enough to eat a Buick.  Not to worry.  This versatile salad leads a double life as a sandwich.  So it’s easy to take this dish on afternoon picnics in areas secluded enough for you to make sweet love in the great outdoors.  Should your date lack taste buds entirely and not like this sensational sandwich, the more for you to savor. “Sorry, sucka!  But I still think your cute…wanna get busy in this grassy meadow?”

caprese-sandwich-prepIngredients (for 2 sandwiches):
1. 2 fresh baked sandwich rolls
2. Olive oil for drizzling
3. Balsamic vinegar for drizzling
4. ½ an avocado sliced
5. 1 tomato sliced
6. 8 ounces of fresh buffalo mozzarella sliced
7. 2 handfuls of fresh whole basil leaves

Step 1
Slice open the bread rolls and lay out the basil leaves, tomato slices, buffalo mozzarella, and avocado.  Drizzle olive oil and balsamic vinegar to your liking.  You want the sandwich to be moist, but not soggy. Cut the sandwich in half and serve up on a plate with a green salad or wrap up to enjoy in the park with your head in your dream girl/guy’s lap.

caprese-sandwich-assemble

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