tomato | Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid

Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

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GOT IT GOIN’ ON, CHICKEN PARMESAN

November 7, 2008

Parmigiana wanna banga

Sometimes a remake of an old classic is exactly what a franchise needs. Like Oceans Eleven, the chicken parmesan model is in dire need of a makeover. You don’t want your date passing out head first into tired deep-fried cheesy malaise. It’s time to tell your new squeeze to get ready for the next generation of comfort food. You get all the same flavors, but half the fat and a hundred times the sex appeal. This recipe was born out of a blunder cooking dinner for my new college girlfriend. I overcooked the eggplant wedges and had to scramble to salvage my game. Cooking the burnt eggplant with tomato sauce, broccoli, grilled chicken breasts and cheese turned the night from “Oh shit!” to “Oh my God!” The recipe has since become a permanent fixture in my arsenal and not a single complaint yet.

Ingredients:
1. 2 skinless chicken breasts
2. ½ lb of broccoli chopped into bite-size pieces
3. 1-2 eggs beaten.
4. 1/2 inch thick round slices of eggplant
5. Enough breadcrumbs to coat each side of the eggplant
6. Olive oil
7. 1 cup of vodka or marinara sauce
8. 3 handful of mozzarella

Step 1
Crack and beat the eggs in a bowl wide and deep enough to dip the eggplant rounds. Once both sides of the round are covered in egg, cover it in a second bowl with breadcrumbs. Finally throw the rounds in a nonstick pan with little to no oil on med-high heat. Cook until both sides are golden brown and set aside.

Step 2
Cook the chicken breasts and broccoli together in a pan on medium heat. Cook the chicken all the way through and the broccoli is soft. Pour in the sauce and any spices you are partial to. Might I suggest some oregano and chili flakes for a spicy kick of lust?

Step 3
Once the sauce has fully cooked through the broccoli and chicken and has congealed, crown the chicken breast with a breaded eggplant round. Throw a handful of mozzarella on each chicken/eggplant stack. Turn off the heat, cover the pan with a lid and cheese do its thing. Pull the lid and serve solo, with a side of pasta, or on top of your naked body.

Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: breadcrumbs, broccoli, cheese, chicken, eggplant, entree, italian, IT’S ON!-TREES, mozarella, simple, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

IN-SLUT-ADA CAPRESE

November 4, 2008

Caprese them up against the mattress

Insalata caprese is the quintessential simple Italian salad. Stacks of tomatoes, cheese and basil make for quite the sexy threesome. Each flavor is in perfect harmony, never getting jealous that one is getting more attention because they are all so damn fine. The tang of the tomato, soothing taste of mozzarella, and the earthy basil twist = KISS THE COOK. That’s what makes this classic clever. Picky dates looking for a reason to leave you taking a cold shower can’t say no to something so seductively simple. Just ask Stephen Hawking. He’d tell you it’s against the laws of astrophysics. You can’t argue with science, nor can you argue with this desirable salad. One way or another, you won’t be sleeping alone. Bear in mind a human body tends to be more comfortable to spoon with.

Ingredients:
1. 2 buffalo mozzarella balls cut into 1 inch thick slices
2. fresh whole basil leaves
3. 2 tomatoes cut into 1 inch slices
4. 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil

Step 1
Stack the tomato, mozzarella and basil, like you stack the card deck cheating at poker. Same principle, but one is way tastier and slightly more honest.

Step 2
Serve up your insalata caprese on a plate and drizzle with the desired amount of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Serve solo, with bread, or with a little serenade.

Variations:
• Substitute tomatoes with roasted red or yellow peppers
• For a creamier, more foux de fa fa version, use burrata cheese

Leave a Comment » | LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: balsalmic vinegar, basil, caprese, drizzle, LEAFY & LOVELY, mozarella, quick, salad, simple, stacked, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

HORIZONTAL MAMBO MANGO SALSA

October 24, 2008

: Mambo mango cook to bango

Regular salsa shouts out “yum!” but mango salsa says you’re both, “classy and well-endowed (with ability to cook).” This little condiments can take the mundane like a healthy (boring) baked chicken and make it magical. You can assure that anorexic supermodel that the calories are minimal. Besides, you’ll burn through those calories soon enough, you sex machine.

Ingredients:
1. 1 mango roughly chopped and depitted
2. 1 tomato roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 green onion roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped

Step 1
Throw the chunks of mango, tomato, cilantro, green onion and jalapeno into a bowl and mix like a champ. Squeeze the lime.

Step 2
Mix vigorously so the ingredients are battered around like a 50’s housewife. Serve with chips, Mexican food, salad, or over fish/chicken.

4 Comments | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, chips, cilantro, healthy, jalepeno, lime, mango, mexican, salsa, SEDUCTION, spicy, tomato, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang

SIMPLY SEXY SALSA

October 24, 2008

Simple enough so you can figure out how to get that damn bra off.

If only seduction was as simple as making salsa. But simplicity is the root of innovation so go with it. Salsa with chips can be a nice light meal or compliments countless dishes. Over fish, tacos, eggs, you name it. Be sure to tell your date you made it from only the finest ingredients, even if you bought them off a truck.

Ingredients:
1. 2 tomatoes roughly chopped
2. 1 green onion roughly chopped
3. 1 handful of cilantro roughly chopped, stems removed
4. 1 jalapeño, deveined and deseeded, and roughly chopped
5. ½ a lime
6. Salt to taste