March 8, 2010
This post brought to you unofficially by Planned Parenthood. "Got condoms? You god damn right!"
CTB is all about promoting responsibility in our depravity. Sure we cook and bang with reckless abandon, but never at the cost our health or our playthings’. I don’t mean this to sound like an after school special PSA with a crack addicted pregnant teenager fighting for the final spot on the cheerleading squad. But you should wrap that shit up before spelunking. That way you can bang from here to eternity. It’d be a damn shame to cut your CTB career so short. So how about getting some practice with this phallic dish? It’s win win: guys will become more mindful of the need to practice safe sex. Ladies will have a fine visual aid that can lead their minds to the dirty place. Now start wrapping before you start stuffing.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: KINKY PINKY LADY
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 9 large intact spinach leaves
3. 1 tbsp HONEY
4. 3 sausages (piggie or poultry)
5. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
6. 1/2 mango
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Peel away the mango skin and cut long thin slices. Split the sausage, leaving one side intact. Stuff the sausage with mango, mozzarella, and honey. Cut the stems away from the spinach and wrap the sausages, pinning the leaves with toothpicks.
Drizzle a small baking pan with oil, rubbing it all in. Lay out the wrapped sausages evenly and throw in the oven. Bake until the spinach because crispy and the mozzarella melts (approx 25 min). Remove the toothpicks before serving.
October 21, 2009
Get stuffed? Don't mind if I do!
Be ready to feel overshadowed unless you are packing serious heat (in your oven). That ain’t necessarily a bad thing. This banana oozes with chocolate gooeyness. You’re golden so long as you regard this APHRODISIAC overdose as a friend and not foe. You will be hard-pressed not to sing cult-like praises once you take your first bite, or second or third where you stuff it all into your mouth and wish you had made a few extra. There’s a high probability you may forget your date is even there once the gorging begins. But fear not for they will be reacting in a similarly compromising manner so you will be in good company. You will both be locked into an alternate chocolaty universe where you frolic among the folds of strawberry and banana. Unless you ascend to the heavens, you can then ravage each other until the euphoria wears off. Win-win, if you ask me.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: Milk or a SMOKING HOT PEPPERMINT FATTY
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 2 bananas
2. 5 STRAWBERRIES
3. 1 handful dark CHOCOLATE chips or shards
4. Powdered sugar (optional and not pictured)
Preheat the oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice open the top of the banana all the way through to split the meat. Slice the strawberries thinly and stuff into the banana. Stuff the chocolate evenly with the strawberries.
Throw the stuffed bananas into the oven and bake until the chocolate melts (approx 40 min). Remove from the oven and sprinkle some powdered sugar if you’re feeling it. Serve up with a spoon. Vanilla ice cream might go nicely with it.