March 21, 2016
Your D-cups fill out nicely!
This dish is stacked! I mean the cups are full and voluptuous. Ain’t no flat-chested FINGER FOOD here. No need for implants to help these fill out. The chicken breasts are supple and pouting, not to mention double-D-licious! I have enjoyed this dish many times in the company of dates at fine Chinese restaurant and not so fine ones that rhyme with PF WANGS. But only when I made it at home did I realize how simple, tasty, and awesome this dish can be. Blow you date away with some familiar, but so much better since you made it with your own two hands. Take a hold of those lettuce D-Cups, caress, fondle and then let your mouth get to work.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Beer or CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients (for 2):
1. Plum or hoisin sauce (at your discretion)
2. 1 tbsp soy sauce
3. 1 tbsp vegetable oil
4. 1 tsp oyster sauce
5. 1 small lettuce head
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 3 mushrooms sliced thinly
8. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
9. 2 garlic cloves sliced thinly
10. 1 handful chopped peanuts
Step 1
Mince the chicken finely with your sharpest knife. Marinate it in the soy sauce and oyster sauce (approx 15 min).
Step 2
Sauté the garlic, green onions and mushrooms with vegetable oil until they soften (approx 3 min). Throw in the chicken and the nuts and cook through (approx 4 min).
Step 3
Fill up the lettuce cups with the goods. Add a teaspoon or so of the plum or hoisin sauce to each cup and then add a healthy scoop of the minced chicken filling.
Serve them up on a platter to share with the spirit of camaraderie and banging on your mind.
4 Comments | 
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Posted by cooktobang
January 6, 2016
Gotta lotta burrata to fatha
Some things in life just belong together. Dog and bone; man and woman; anal sex and lube. The sum is way more awesome than the parts. Can you imagine the Olympics without the ski and snowboard events? The very notion makes me shudder. That’s how I feel about creamy, dreamy burrata mozzarella. This majestic dairy product was hand delivered by Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed on a cloud made of chocolate and feathers. But as good as burrata is, without some sort of tasty wingman, it’s like eating caking frosting in the dark alone on a Saturday night (been there, it ain’t pretty). Tomatoes are the natural go to for most lovers of the CAPRESE SALAD and all things Italian. But clearly those well intentioned, but uninitiated have never enjoyed roasted red peppers with their burrata. I am willing to overlook this infraction, but now you have no excuse. Each bite is like a millions tiny angels tickling your balls or breasts. Heaven is calling your name, my friends! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
December 16, 2015
We’ve only just begun, but I’m down to take my sweet sweet time.
Seduction is all about finesse. You can’t just meet someone, ram your tongue down their throat and expect to enjoy full penetration within 10 minutes. Perhaps if your life is a porno…but the rest of us need to play it cool, even after we break the banging seal. This applies especially to anyone who spends the night that you want to keep around for a little while. If you decide not to fake a family emergency to force them out of your bed, you might as well make them breakfast. Busting out the caviar to sprinkle over your lobster FRITTATA might be overkill. Try something a little simpler that makes an impression like a well-positioned tongue. The parfait is the perfect vehicle for morning foreplay because it takes seconds to hook up something refreshing, healthy and damn tasty. With the morning lubricated by the Parfait Foreplay, proceed with blowing off your plans to bang well into the afternoon. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, french, healthy, Mediterranean, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, breakfast, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, family emergency, food, foreplay, frittata, game changer, get laid, gourmet, granola, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lubricated, morning, naked, overkill, parfait recipe, recipe, refreshing, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberry, tasty, tongue, yogurt, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 20, 2015
Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. Say what? Cook To Bang at your pad would be WAY easier.
Some food makes you go “Yum!” Other food inspires “Yuk!” Every once in a while you’ll do a “Say what?” double take. This is the reaction you want when you Cook to Bang. Otherwise you’re wasting everybody’s time, especially your own. Make an impression or make love to yourself at the end of the date. The only way to inspire (nakedness) is to be inspired yourself. I approach each date with giddiness reserved for teenage girls who spot a vampire heartthrob brooding in his own special emo way. That way “Say what?” reaction to banging cuisine is quickly followed by, “The bedroom is this way.” Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
November 30, 2013
All we are saying is give pizza a chance.
Ever had someone tell you that they won’t bang you until there is peace in the Middle East? That is essentially the sugarcoated version of “when Hell freezes over”. Now’s your chance to be a real world hero and bang the long shot. All you have to do is unite the warring cultures with a little nosh using ingredients they all know and love. Make enough of these suckers and serve them to the leaders of said opposing forces at the table of brotherhood. By the first slice, they will warm up to their neighbor. Once they get their fill, the concessions will be flying like articles of clothing onto your bedroom floor. The UN will just have to wait for you to get done banging to award you with a platinum-plated Lamborghini. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
November 6, 2012
Yes you will!
Cook To Bang is taking a day off from sexy talk to brandish you with self-indulgent politics aside. Forgive the latte liberal over here and vote. The US was founded on this inalienable right. The last four years were hard. It might seem that unfortunate circumstances are cock-blocking your future. Remember that out of tragedy comes opportunity. Innovation is the bastard child of inconvenience. So when bread goes stale, make CROUTONS. Burn the chicken and you got one awesome meal for the dog. If the condom breaks…never mind. Always trust your instincts, follow your heart and life will rewards you. And never ever skip out on the finer things in life, like COOKING AND BANGING. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, italian, RECIPES, SEDUCTION | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, basil, cantaloupe, delicious, easy, finger food, foreplay, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, italian, kitchen, melon, naked, olive oil, prosciutto, recipe, romance, romantic, sea salt, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, wrapped cantaloupe recipe, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 4, 2010
Where's the beef? Check my pantaloons.
This final edition in the 2010 CTB Recipe Challenge comes from Karin in Ft. Collins, CO. Here’s to bringing on the foux da fafa French connection. Karin writes:
I satisfy my man with a hearty meal and with his pleasure fulfilled I can be pleased in return. This recipe may seem daunting but believe me it is well worth the foreplay. With the right prep the ‘oven’ does the majority of the work and gives the strength the to keeps everything up all night long and keep the au jus flowing. This recipe is surely is femme fatale. Ooh la la! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | beef, french, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES | Tagged: au jus, bacon, bang, banging, bay leaf, beef bangin’on recipe, beef bourguignon recipe, black pepper, blanch, calivirgin, carrots, Colorado, contest entry, delicious, DIY, easy, femme fatale, flour, food, foreplay, foux da fafa, France, french, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, Karin, kitchen, libido, ménage a trios, mushrooms, naked, olive oil, onions, protein, recipe, recipe challenge, red meat, red wine, rich, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slow cook, stewing beef, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 8, 2010
This post brought to you unofficially by Planned Parenthood. "Got condoms? You god damn right!"
CTB is all about promoting responsibility in our depravity. Sure we cook and bang with reckless abandon, but never at the cost our health or our playthings’. I don’t mean this to sound like an after school special PSA with a crack addicted pregnant teenager fighting for the final spot on the cheerleading squad. But you should wrap that shit up before spelunking. That way you can bang from here to eternity. It’d be a damn shame to cut your CTB career so short. So how about getting some practice with this phallic dish? It’s win win: guys will become more mindful of the need to practice safe sex. Ladies will have a fine visual aid that can lead their minds to the dirty place. Now start wrapping before you start stuffing.
Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: KINKY PINKY LADY
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 9 large intact spinach leaves
3. 1 tbsp HONEY
4. 3 sausages (piggie or poultry)
5. 1 handful shredded mozzarella
6. 1/2 mango
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Peel away the mango skin and cut long thin slices. Split the sausage, leaving one side intact. Stuff the sausage with mango, mozzarella, and honey. Cut the stems away from the spinach and wrap the sausages, pinning the leaves with toothpicks.
Step 2
Drizzle a small baking pan with oil, rubbing it all in. Lay out the wrapped sausages evenly and throw in the oven. Bake until the spinach because crispy and the mozzarella melts (approx 25 min). Remove the toothpicks before serving.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, poultry, RECIPES | Tagged: bake, bang, banging, calivirgin, cheerleading squad, condoms, crack-addicted, ctb, delicious, depravity, DIY, easy, finger food, food, foreplay, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mango, mozzarella, naked, olive oil, phallic, pregnant teenager, psa, recipe, reckless abandon, responsibility, safe sex, sausage, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spinach, spinach wrapped stuffed sausage, stuffed sausage recipe, tasty, win-win, wrap that shit up, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 11, 2009
Beet it because they need it!
Girdles are the absolute worst! I find clothing abhorrent. If nudist colonies weren’t of the fugly side of life, I might join them. So I settle with having a no-clothes policy in my house. My friends thinks it’s a little weird, but my late night companions don’t seem to spend an evening playing Nintendo Wii tennis naked. You ain’t seen nothing until you spy with your little eye naughty bits flying around hitting a video backhand. But clothes are a mandated part of polite society so I settle for accessorizing. One accessory I cannot abide by is the girdle. Do we really need more obstacles to get through? At least the bra and panty line of defense is a pleasure to view at while sneaking behind enemy lines. Luckily this salad is healthy and with repeat meals could reduce the reason for the same fuglies at the nudist colony to ever wear a girdle when they begrudgingly go to work dressed. Chock the flavor and cool red staining effect from the beets foreplay.
Total time: approximately 1 hour
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: SLUTTY TEMPLE, red and slutty is the theme
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 tbsp Greek yogurt
2. 1 dash salt
3. 3 2 large BEETS with stocks and leaves
4. Lemon juice to taste
Step 1
First chop away the stocks from the beets. Wash the stocks/leaves thoroughly. Chop away and seperate the stocks from the leaves, cutting them both smaller.
Step 2
Submerge the beets and stocks in boiling water and cook until you can easily penetrate the beets with a fork (approx 30 min). Drain the water and throw the beets and stock in ice water. Remove the boiled stocks and add them to the chopped beet leaves. Once the beets are cool, you can easily remove the skin before you slice them into thin rounds.
Step 3
Assemble your salad by laying a foundation of leaves/stocks, artfully place the beet rounds above, and smother the money shot of yogurt on top of each plate’s face. Squeeze a little lemon juice for some extra tang.
Serve this salad after a weekend of sexcess.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, greek, healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beet greek yogurt salad, Beet salad, beet yo-gurt-le salad served, beets, blood, bra, circulatory system, delicious, DIY, easy, food, foreplay, fugly, game changer, get laid, girdle, gourmet, greek yogurt, greens, greenss, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kidneys, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, Nintendo, obstacle, panties, recipe, salad, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, tasty, tennis, vegetarian, wii, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 13, 2009
The big fig gets the smokiest meat
For the record, I am totally gay for figs. They are one of history’s oldest fruits. Ever hear of the hanging gardens of Babylon? Figs hung proudly there and flavored many ancient meals. No doubt these edible APHRODISIACS were all over the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve just had to sample the far blander apple and ruin everything. Not that there’s anything wrong with apples, knowledge or original sin. Figs are just tastier, sexier and more likely to get you laid. Sexy time is nearly certain once you wrap the figs up with Italian prosciutto and throw in some creamy Brie cheese. Run, don’t walk to your nearest quality grocer and slice off a piece of the Garden of Eden.
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red Wine or a SAN-GRAB-YA SANGRIA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Brie cheese
2. 4 fresh FIGS
3. 4 prosciutto slices
Step 1
Quarter the figs and add small slices of Brie to each section. Pull off long strips of proscuitto and wrap each fig/brie unit. Serve up on a plate or laid across your naked body.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, italian, Mediterranean, RECIPES | Tagged: adam & eve, aphrodisiac, Babylon, bang, banging, brie cheese, cocktail food, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fig, finger food, food, foreplay, game changer, garden of Eden, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hanging gardens, homemade, intercourse, italian, Italy, kitchen, knowledge, libido, meat, Mediterranean, naked, original sin, prosciutto fig brie appetizers, prosciutto wrapped figs recipe, proscuitto, protein, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, starters, tapas, tasty, wrap, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 