September 2, 2015
Lazy days, lazy ways, lazy lays

Lazy days, lazy ways, lazy lays

Sometimes you just want to gloss over the cooking and get right to the banging.  Understandably so.  But know this, my impatient pupil.  You could very well jeopardize your whole skeezy agenda by rushing through.  You need to at least appear to make the effort and show something for your trouble.  So it better be damn impressive if you are going to throw something edible together in less than 10 minutes.  Lucky COOK TO BANG has your back with an excessively simplistic finger food that is also reasonably good for you since you are toasting rather than frying in a pan.  Behold the Lazadilla, a quesadilla so tasty, easy, and unmessy, that NASA has hired me to make crate-loads of these for the manned Mission to Mars.  Hopefully these can at least convince your date to fly you to the moon.  Houston, we have no problem! Read the rest of this entry »


January 15, 2010

Get in, get out, get back to the task at hand.

Are you keen on getting your date to stare at you with slack-jawed
amazement? Time is a wasting if you¹re awaiting my answer. Sometimes the
slow deliberate seduction isn¹t right for the ones keen on the quickie. Sure
it¹s rushed, but you still want to rock that shit and leave them wanting
more. The same goes for a quick on-the-go delight. Here you have a treat so
tasty, so quick, it will seem like a wet dream. At least that is the
discovery I made on tour. There I was in some hot Chiquita bonita¹s bed
hungry as can be. Leaving her pad would mean dressing, which would mean
undressing again, something not necessarily guaranteed with the girl I only
met 48 hours prior. So I had to be quick on my feet. This is what I made
from the goods in her fridge. I¹m guessing it worked since we didn¹t leave
her place again until days later when my friends did a search and rescue
mission. At that point, she almost didn¹t let go. Perhaps it¹s best I got
out before she started naming our kids. At least she¹ll always have the
misty water-colored Cook To Bang memories.

Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: BANGARITA

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 taco-sized corn tortillas
2. 1Ž2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
3. 1 tbsp butter
4. 1 tomato sliced thinly
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 2 fat handfuls Gouda cheese chunks

Step 1
First assemble the quesadillas by laying a small layer of cheese, tomatoes,
green onions, avocado, and another layer of cheese.

Step 2
Use half the butter to grease a small pan cooking on medium heat. Add the
first quesadilla, cover it with the pot top, and cook until the cheese melts
(approx 3 min). Repeat with the second quesadilla and serve Œem up, champ!

This appetizer goes great with a little SIMPLY SEXY SALSA or GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.


October 30, 2008

Four slices of fig-tastic cheesy goodness

Four slices of fig-tastic cheesy goodness.

Just when your toaster oven thought it was safe from your simple seduction sundries, here comes a kinky quesadilla.  Buying the ingredients should be the toughest part.  Figs can be pricey, but are technically aphrodisiacs of Biblical significance.  But isn’t a night of unspeakable acts worth the effort?  These quesadillas also make great appetizers to pre-assemble and take to backyard barbecues, Superbowl parties, or swingers orgies.

1. 1 medium sized tortilla
2. 4 thin slices of brie
3. 1 tablespoon of fig jam (or sliced figs)
4. 1 handful of crushed candied walnuts

Step 1
Spread the fig jam evenly over half the tortilla, place brie and candied walnuts on the other half, and close together.

Step 2
Place it in toaster oven and cook for dark toast mode or grill in a pan until each side is browned.  Cut into four pieces and serve plain, with sliced avocado or with mango salsa.