April 4, 2016
Lead your enchanted hordes with the glorious tune of your Potato Skin Flute.
The flute is an enchanting instrument that when played right can control the minds of the captivated audience. Pan rocked his pipes and outplayed Mt. Olympus’s residents. The Pied Piper inspired people to follow him like sheep, dancing like fools through meadows and forests. Even Saint Patrick the heartthrob priest used a wind instrument to drive the snakes out of Ireland. You too can enjoy such greatness if you embrace and master your own flute (or your man’s). Play that flute beautifully with precision and attention to detail and they will follow you anywhere you want to go. Just imagine the possibilities once you have someone under your flute’s spell and yearning for your next note. Audiences can be fickle so keep them fed so the flute party keeps going. Savory Potato Skin Flutes will do the trick. Cheeky, cheap and cheesy! You’ll be back playing the final crescendo in no time. ♪
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a MO MOJO MOJITO
Ingredients (for two):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. ½ teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. Sour cream for dipping
6. ½ cup of shredded jack (or cheddar) cheese
7. 1/3 cup of shredded Parmesan
8. 1 JALAPEÑO chopped into thin round slices
9. 3 potatoes
10. 2 coarsely chopped green onions (optional, not pictured)
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 475 degrees F. Create the potato skin glaze by mixing the olive oil, paprika, salt, pepper, and Parmesan in a bowl.
Step 2
Wash the potatoes thoroughly, and then cut them in half and scoop out the centers with a spoon, leaving the skins in tact. Place the 6 potato skins in a greased baking pan, apply the glaze evenly over all and toss them in the oven to bake (approx 7 minutes). Pull the pan out of the oven and flip the skins over and bake until they brown (approx 7 minutes). Flip the skins back over and throw in the jalapeños (and green onions if you wish) and cover them with cheese. Toss the skins back in the oven until the cheese melts (approx 2 minutes). Serve those bad boys up on a plate with sour cream and if you are feeling bold, GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.
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Posted by cooktobang
March 27, 2016
Once you popper, you can’t stop her
Most North American sports bar patrons have consumed twice their weight in deep fried jalapeños poppers. Sure they are goddamn satisfying as the cheese stains your shirt, your team scores, and you toast with your third beer. Jalapeño poppers just aren’t sexy fried, period. Don’t even think about getting kinky with an order of twelve poppers with ranch on the side. But when you got ‘em baking, you can start shaking. Suddenly the crowd-pleasing appetizer is both edible and credible. The poppers are perfectly portable treat for tailgating, potlucks and the occasional swingers party. But if you want to CTB, serve your basketball fuck-buddy finger food. You are sure to score a touch down.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer, this is bar food
Ingredients:
1. 1/3 cup of flour
2. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
3. 1 tablespoon of honey
4. 2 tablespoons of milk
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 3 ounces of cream cheese
7. 2 handfuls of shredded jack/mozzarella cheese
8. 1 egg
9. 5 jalapeños spilt lengthwise, stalks cut, seeds and veins removed
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Mix the cheeses with the honey and paprika. Spread enough of the cheese mixture to just fill the hollow jalapeños.
Step 2
Mix up the egg with the milk and paprika. Separate the flour, egg mixture, and breadcrumbs in separate bowls. Dip each cheesy jalapeño first in flour, then egg mixture, and finally breadcrumbs. Set out on a foil covered baking pan.
Step 3**
Shove the baking pan full of prepped jalapeños in the oven. Bake until the breading browns and the cheese begins to ooze out the side. (Approx 30 min) Now you’re good to serve it up on a platter with ranch or ketchup. Who’s the player now?
**This is the baking method. You could skip this step and deep fry it in oil. But frying isn’t sexy. Trust me!
3 Comments | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, sports, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked, Baked jalapeño poppers recipe, bang, bar food, college basketball, cream cheese, delicious, easy, fancy, finger food, football, game changer, game watching, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, jalapeño poppers, kitchen, march madness, mexican, naked, ncaa, not fried, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sports, tailgating | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 15, 2016
Some food has the power to transform a good day into a great day. We’ve all experienced a meal so freaking amazing that we talk about it years, sometimes decades later. Don’t get me started on this penne eggplant bowl I enjoyed on Italy’s Amalfi Coast. Let’s just say I had to smoke cigarette after…and I don’t even smoke! But there are certain dishes that are not only memorable, but cause clothes to melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West. Whore. The Portobello Bordello is one of those dishes. It is not only loaded with APHRODISIACS, but an edible orgasm of flavor, texture and attitude. Be warned: those with heart problems may not be able to handle this mushroom dish’s pure unadulterated awesomeness. The rest of you should not fear stuffing the mushroom. Odds are there will be some serious stuffing to follow.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $16
Drinking Buddy: White wine or champagne
Ingredients:
1. 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
2. ½ tablespoon of honey
3. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
7. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
8. ½ red bell pepper chopped coarsely
9. 6 ounces of lump crab meat
10. ½ a jalapeño chopped finely
11. 1 small handful of shredded Parmesan
12. ½ a lemon worth of juice
13. 2 large Portobello mushroom caps
14. 4 avocado slices (not pictured)
Step 1
Create the stuffing by mixing up the green onions, red bell pepper, lemon juice, jalapeño, crab meat, parmesan, bread crumbs, mayonnaise, honey, salt and paprika in a large mixing bowl.
Step 2
Wash the Portobello mushrooms then scrape away the black gills with a spoon and cut out the stem. This will allow more room for stuffing. Pour olive oil over the mushroom tops, then flip them over and place them in a small baking pan. Pour in half the stuffing into each cap and spread out evenly.
Step 3
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Throw in the baking pan full of stuffed mushrooms into the oven and bake until the stuffing browns (approx 35-40 minutes). Serve it up on top of a large leaf of lettuce. Garnish each cap with 2 avocado slices and serve it up knowing full well IT’S ON!
5 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, baked crab, bang, bread crumbs, crab, Crab stuffed Portobello mushroom recipe, delicious, dinner, easy, entree, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, honey, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, lemon, main course, mayonnaise, naked, olive oil, paprika, parmesan cheese, Portobello mushroom, recipe, red bell pepper, romance, romantic, salt, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, stuffed Portobello mushrooms, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 18, 2015
There's room for one more, three's never a crowd.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a hard time saying no to a three-way. Even if that just means three-sided tofu treats, I’m down. So many good things come in threes. Comedy gold is done in trifecta. My favorite nights of carnal connections involved a third party. Clearly three is company and never a crowd. And what better way to ignite such an evening of exploration and fornication than with some edible treats? These tofu triangles are classy, sassy and won’t leave you gassy. Plus you can appeal to the free loving hippie in all of us by serving tofu. A little curiosity never hurt no one no how! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, asian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, hippie, Japanese, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bi-curious, carnal connections, classy, delicious, DIY, easy, exploration, fish sauce, food, free-loving, fried tofu recipe, fry, game changer, gassy, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, hippie, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, libido, lime, marinate, ménage à trois, naked, orgy, recipe, sassy, sauce, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds, sex, soy sauce, tasty, three-way, threesome, tofu, trifecta, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 16, 2015
On the ninth day of Hanukkah, give your date your body as the final gift.
Happy Hanukkah! I have banged enough ladies of the Jewish faith to make me an honorary Jew. So I understand the importance of latkes or potato pancakes to the uninitiated. They are ridiculously simple to make, delicious beyond compare, and give a sense of comfort. Those qualities are important when it comes to seducing the Chosen People. You need to put your best foot forward to impress this lot with discerning tastes and banging booties. Getting lucky requires a certain amount of gumption taking destiny in your own hands. Making perfect potato pancakes will position you nicely. Spin the dreidel like you spun the bottle pre-Bar Mitzvah. That’s two minutes in the closet, right after you finish your latkes!
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Wine, wine and more wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. Applesauce
3. Sour Cream
4. 2 dashes paprika
5. 2 dashes black pepper
6. 2 dashes salt
7. 2 potatoes
8. ½ JALEPENO diced finely
9. 3 green onions chopped coarsely
10. 1 egg
11. 1 lime wedge
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Peel the potatoes and shred them (either use a food processor, cheese grater or peeler if you must). Combine the taters with jalapeños, 2/3 of the green onions, salt, pepper, paprika, limejuice and eggs. Mix thoroughly.
Step 2
Grease a baking pan with olive oil and then lay out 6 separate pancakes, leaving room in between them. Bake until the top end is brown (approx 30 min) and flip cooking until that side browns (approx 15 min).
Step 3
Plate up the latkes and garnish them with the traditional applesauce, sour cream and remaining sour cream.
I wish you a preemptive “Mazel Tov!” for when you get laid serving up these latkes.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, holidays, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple sauce, bake, baked latke recipe, bang, banging, banging booties, black pepper, calivirgin, chosen people, delicious, DIY, dreidel, easy, egg, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, hanukkah, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jew, jewish, kitchen, latke recipe, libido, lime, mazel tov, naked, olive oil, paprika, potatoes, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sour cream, spicy latke recipe, spin the bottle, tasty, two minutes in the closet, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 14, 2015
So Mac-a-licious, you'll lick the dishes
If you make this dish, then you da mack! This dish takes the childhood classic and turns it on its head so it’s strutting its sexy stuff across your dinner table. Be ready with a line about how you came up with this recipe remenisce about giving your playground sweetheart a wildflower (I don’t mind you claiming this recipe as your own as long as it gets you laid; if you fails then I will haunt your dreams). Truth be told, I hated mac and cheese as a kid because the flavor and texture was bland as Kansas. Done right, mac and cheese will compliment any continental meal from fried chicken to pork chops and beyond. The bountiful bevy of cheeses and the spicy jalapeño become a techno dance party in your mouth. This boring classic has the much needed flare like that player at the bar getting girls attention with the pink feather boa, but not obnoxious. Remember, you make this side dish right and it will be by your side for many more mouth-water culinary conquests. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: American, aphrodisiac, bang, childhood classic, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gouda, gourmet, Gourmet macaroni and cheese, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kinky, kitchen, mac and cheese, macaroni, mozzarella, naked, post-coital, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, sinful, soul food, spicy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 2, 2015
Lazy days, lazy ways, lazy lays
Sometimes you just want to gloss over the cooking and get right to the banging. Understandably so. But know this, my impatient pupil. You could very well jeopardize your whole skeezy agenda by rushing through. You need to at least appear to make the effort and show something for your trouble. So it better be damn impressive if you are going to throw something edible together in less than 10 minutes. Lucky COOK TO BANG has your back with an excessively simplistic finger food that is also reasonably good for you since you are toasting rather than frying in a pan. Behold the Lazadilla, a quesadilla so tasty, easy, and unmessy, that NASA has hired me to make crate-loads of these for the manned Mission to Mars. Hopefully these can at least convince your date to fly you to the moon. Houston, we have no problem! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, mexican, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, avocado, bang, cilantro, delicious, easy, easy to clean, finger food, first coarse, fresh, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, kitchen, lazadilla recipe, mango, mexican, mexico, naked, quesadilla, Quesadilla recipe, recipe, salsa, sex, smoked gouda cheese, spicy, tasty, toast, toasted quesadilla recipe, toaster oven, tomato, tortilla, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 10, 2014
I'm fixin' for a vixen!
I should have known better. Vegan girls are always trouble. And it’s not just because they are a pain in the ass to feed. There’s something kooky in anyone who limits their culinary possibilities so severely. Maybe they need to take a few classes at an online cooking school to learn that food is not the enemy. But the upside is the rarity of obese vegans. Harmony was certainly no exception. She’s yoga master flex, hence me taking an interest. Picking up one’s yoga instructor is a delicate dance. The last thing you want to do is crash and burn, too humiliated to return to a class you enjoyed. I overheard Harmony gab on about her vegan diet and the explosive orgasms she enjoyed as a result, so I rocked the vegan angle. Post-yoga vegan soup on a cold Sunday evening? Harmony was on it, and on me after she sucked down my soup. Home girl demonstrated yoga possibilities I had never even wet-dreamed of. Now we have a regular Sunday Cirque du Vegan: I cook; she defies and gratifies gravity. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, HOT LIQUID LOVE, irish, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian, winter | Tagged: bang, banging, black pepper, calivirgin, cirque du soleil, delicious, DIY, easy, explosive orgasms, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gravity, guarantee, harmony, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, kooky, libido, naked, obese, olive oil, onion, possibilities, potato, puree, radish, recipe, saffron, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, tasty, vegan, vegan soup, vegan vixen soup recipe, vegetable stock, vegetarian, vixen, white wine vinegar, winter, yoga instructor, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 9, 2014
Jane says, “I’m gonna kick tomorrow.” Yeah right! These summertime rolls are too damn good!
With much respect to Jane’s Addiction. Better music to bang to there could not be. Nothing beats a summertime roll in the hay. Summer sex is sweaty, sticky, and sumptuous. When all have been said and done properly, some light fare is in order. The summer appetite is for something light and refreshing. Heavy, saucy things just don’t do a body warmed by the sun good. That was my conclusion after hiking through the Angkor Wat and Thom ruins all day in the blazing Cambodian heat. The Canadian backpacking aspiring anthropologist/stone cold hottie I met by the tree growing out of the cracks of a crumbled temple and I collapsed into a booth at an empty restaurant when we got back to Siem Riep. Ms. Canada held up two fingers up and we were brought two Angkor beers and two shrimp spring rolls. The nibbles recharged my aching body and overwhelmed sense of wonder. It also got the ball rolling on a beautiful evening performing a clothing optional duet of “Oh, Canada!” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, cambodian, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, summer | Tagged: Angkor, Angkor thom, Angkor wat, anthropologist, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, beer, Canada, Canadian, cold stone hottie, delicious, DIY, duet, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jane's addiction, kitchen, libido, mint, naked, oh Canada, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp summer rolls, siem riep, southeast asia, summer, summer rolls, summertime rolls, sweet chili sauce, tasty, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 4, 2014
Stuff those creamy green treats with some mad flavor!
Straight out of a fancy country club near you is this stuffed avocado recipe with a twist. The catch is we are adding some much needed flavor, spice and additional aphrodisiacs of course. The avocado already works wonders for your libido, but combine it with some spicy chili and shrimp you have the Guns of the Navarone firing in your mouth. This dish is sweet, tangy, spicy and creamy in one fell swoop. It’s like having a lover with split personality: from the crazy bisexual stripper to the meek librarian cum closet sexpot. This salad is all good and rather enjoyable. It should work like a champ in getting you the desired randy results. No doubt, somewhere a prude country club member is exclaiming, “I never!” Read the rest of this entry »
9 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: avocado, bang, celery, chili, country club, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kitchen, lunch, luncheon, naked, onion, radish, recipe, red pepper, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, shrimp stuffed avocado, stuffed, Stuffed avocado | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (for two):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 