April 13, 2016
The tower of power!
Behold the fabled tower! It is said to control our ids. When it tells us to sacrifice a Chia Pet in its honor, we do it with a grateful smile. With clay and foliage scattered on the floor, dance over it with your arms stretched out to the glowing orange mash. Listen to it coo to you, “It’s okay. Go for it! Embrace the unknown. Give into your desires.” Perhaps you’re bewildered by the fact that a side dish is talking to you. Don’t over-think it. Believe what the creamy, dreamy yams tell you. They have your best interest at heart. And I’m not just saying this because I’m the high priest of the sweet potato sex cult. Kool-Aid, anyone?
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 lb sweet potatoes
2. 2 dashes salt
3. 2 dashes black pepper
4. 1 dash paprika
5. 1/8 butter
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 1 handful Parmesan
Preheat the oven to 350°F/175°C. Throw in the sweet potatoes and roast until they become soft to the squeeze (approx 45min). Split them down the middle and scoop out the contents.
Combine the sweet potatoes with the butter, salt, black pepper, paprika, green onions and Parmesan. Mash it all up with a fork and serve up on a plate to compliment a meaty ENTRÉE.
April 2, 2016
Naked Nacho Naughtiness needs no non-naked nonsense.
Because, why not? We exhaust ourselves being seriously serious and fully clothed. Get naughty for a change. Is there really anything wrong with eating nachos naked in bed? Sure it’s messy and totally awesome, but oh so primal and did I mention easy enough for a lab monkey to make? Mr. Nutter the chimp threw this together and invited all the lady lab apes to his cage for some monkey business. So be bold and invite your date over for naked nachos. They will just think you mean sans meat or dairy. Let them. Answer the door wearing nothing but the nachos in your hand.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $11
Drinking Buddy: Beer
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ bag of tortilla chips
2. 1 tablespoon of sour cream
3. 2 jalapeños diced in rounds
4. 2 tablespoons of SIMPLY SEXY SALSA
5. 2 tablespoons of GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE
6. ½ can of black beans
7. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 1 chicken breast grilled or baked (vegetarian exclude)
9. 2 large handfuls of shredded jack cheese
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Pull apart the chicken into shreds. Lay a thin bed of chips on large oven safe plate. Scoop in 2 spoonfuls of black beans, throw a handful of chicken, jalapeños, green onion, and a heaping handful of jack cheese. Repeat the process with another smaller batch of chips and fillings until you have yourself a tower.
Throw the nachos in the oven and bake until the cheese melts into the goodness below (approx 15 min). Create condom-ment mini mountains of SALSA, GUACAMOLE and sour cream. Now the two of you, get naked and climb that mountain!