Cook To Bang – Recipes To Get You Laid

Getting randy with candied carrots is dandy.

Carrots are often overlooked as an unsexy, utilitarian vegetable. You might think the coolest thing to do with it is make a nose for Frosty the Snowman. Bully to that I say. Those suckers have never enjoyed the sweet, tender taste of a carrot candied to perfection. They have never used carrots as a side dish so sensational that the entrée looks like a chump.  Once they’ve felt their knees knock, toes curl, and eyes roll into the back of their head, they will never sully the good name of carrots again.  The beta-carotene alone helping you see your lover clearly in the dark should be reason enough.  It’s all about those sweet and savory flavors one-upping each other to give you the first of many oral orgasms.  Tongues spasming and dreamy eyes gazing are to be expected. This may not be the most appropriate Christmas dinner side dish considering these Randy Candied Carrots could inspire Grandma to discuss in detail her flings with jazzmen in 40’s nightclubs. But rest assured, you will be the much-lauded champ wherever you bring these.

Total time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on the entrée, but tis the season for vino

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 bunch carrots
3. 1 dash salt
4. 1 dash black pepper
5. 1 dash cumin
6. 1/4 stick butter
7. 1 tbsp brown sugar
8. 1 cinnamon stick
9. 1 orange

Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Cut the ends off the carrots, wash them and set them in a baking pan. Drizzle with olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast until the carrots soften (approx 30 min).

Step 2
Halfway through the carrot roasting, melt the butter in a pan, adding the cinnamon stick. Peel or zest the orange so you have small slivers. Cut the orange in half. Throw the orange zest, brown sugar, cumin and orange juice in the pan and cook on low until reduce by half (approx 10 min).  Add the carrots and stir around in the candied glazy goodness (approx 10 min).