April 13, 2016
The tower of power!
Behold the fabled tower! It is said to control our ids. When it tells us to sacrifice a Chia Pet in its honor, we do it with a grateful smile. With clay and foliage scattered on the floor, dance over it with your arms stretched out to the glowing orange mash. Listen to it coo to you, “It’s okay. Go for it! Embrace the unknown. Give into your desires.” Perhaps you’re bewildered by the fact that a side dish is talking to you. Don’t over-think it. Believe what the creamy, dreamy yams tell you. They have your best interest at heart. And I’m not just saying this because I’m the high priest of the sweet potato sex cult. Kool-Aid, anyone?
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: CHASING GINGER TAIL
Ingredients (for 2):
1. 1 lb sweet potatoes
2. 2 dashes salt
3. 2 dashes black pepper
4. 1 dash paprika
5. 1/8 butter
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 1 handful Parmesan
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F/175°C. Throw in the sweet potatoes and roast until they become soft to the squeeze (approx 45min). Split them down the middle and scoop out the contents.
Step 2
Combine the sweet potatoes with the butter, salt, black pepper, paprika, green onions and Parmesan. Mash it all up with a fork and serve up on a plate to compliment a meaty ENTRÉE.
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carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, banging, bewildered, black pepper, butter, carbohydrate, carbs, chia pet, coo, creamy, delicious, DIY, dreamy, easy, fable, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grateful, green onion, guarantee, high priest, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, kool-aid, libido, mash, mashed sweet potatoes recipe, naked, paprika, parmesan dairy, recipe, roast, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex cult, side dish, sweet potato, tasty, tower, tower of sweet tater temptation recipe, yams, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
April 6, 2016
Tease me, please me, mac & cheese me!
When it comes to potlucks, stealing the show with something unexpected always boosts your game. You will be forever remembered for that one dish that your friends fought over the priviledge to lick the plate. High five and fist bumps all around for you. At least that’s how I roll. Considering my pseudo-profession is a digital chef, it is expected of me. That doesn’t I, nor you, shouldn’t take advantage of said skills. Take this mac & cheese I brought to my buddy’s potluck over the weekend. He assured me single girls, and attached girls on the verge of bailing would be there. So I had to show up with something that would sneak in under their radar and smack them across the face with pleasure. A childhood classic schmi’ed up with awesome stole the thunder of even the $50 slab of Atlantic salmon, which for the record was excellent (twas my RECIPE afterall). Cheek kisses and phone numbers were exchanged and no leftovers in sight.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $10
Drinking Buddy: All depends on it’s culinary wingman
Ingredients (Serves 20):
1. 1 quart milk
2. 1/3 cup flour
3. Salt to taste
4. Black pepper to taste
5. 1 lb dry large elbow macaroni
6. 4 tbsp breadcrumbs
7. æ lb shredded jack cheese
8. 3 OZ shredded cheddar cheese
9. 1 stick butter
10. 1 bunch green onions chopped coarsely
11. 3 dried New Mexico CHILIES
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350∞F/175∞C. Throw the macaroni in boiling water, cook al dente, drain, and throw back in large stockpot (approx 8 min).
Step 2
While macaroni boils, start the sauce: melt the butter on med-low heat (approx 2 min). Chop the chilies into tiny pieces and throw into the butter. Salt and pepper as needed and thoroughly stir in the flour (approx 1 min). Throw in the green onions and cheese, and cook until it all melts.
Step 3
Dump the cheese sauce into the pasta and mix together like the superstar you are. Fill a baking dish or disposable tinfoil dish (as pictured), dumps in the milk, scatter the cheddar, and crown it all with breadcrumbs. Throw it dish in the oven and bake until the milk absorbs into the pasta, the cheddar melts and the breadcrumbs brown into a crust.
Serve with your favorite potluck goodies. Might I suggest FREAKY FRIED CORN-FLAKY CHICKEN and LECHEROUS LEMON BARS.
4 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, dairy, RECIPES, southern, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bake, bang, banging, black pepper, breadcrumbs, butter, cheddar cheese, crowd pleaser, dairy, delicious, digital chef, DIY, easy, fattening, flour, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet mac & cheese, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jack cheese, kitchen, large elbow, libido, mac & cheese, macaroni, macaroni and cheese, milk, naked, new Mexico chilies, plate licking, potluck, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spicy, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 4, 2016
Lead your enchanted hordes with the glorious tune of your Potato Skin Flute.
The flute is an enchanting instrument that when played right can control the minds of the captivated audience. Pan rocked his pipes and outplayed Mt. Olympus’s residents. The Pied Piper inspired people to follow him like sheep, dancing like fools through meadows and forests. Even Saint Patrick the heartthrob priest used a wind instrument to drive the snakes out of Ireland. You too can enjoy such greatness if you embrace and master your own flute (or your man’s). Play that flute beautifully with precision and attention to detail and they will follow you anywhere you want to go. Just imagine the possibilities once you have someone under your flute’s spell and yearning for your next note. Audiences can be fickle so keep them fed so the flute party keeps going. Savory Potato Skin Flutes will do the trick. Cheeky, cheap and cheesy! You’ll be back playing the final crescendo in no time. ♪
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a MO MOJO MOJITO
Ingredients (for two):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. ½ teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. Sour cream for dipping
6. ½ cup of shredded jack (or cheddar) cheese
7. 1/3 cup of shredded Parmesan
8. 1 JALAPEÑO chopped into thin round slices
9. 3 potatoes
10. 2 coarsely chopped green onions (optional, not pictured)
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 475 degrees F. Create the potato skin glaze by mixing the olive oil, paprika, salt, pepper, and Parmesan in a bowl.
Step 2
Wash the potatoes thoroughly, and then cut them in half and scoop out the centers with a spoon, leaving the skins in tact. Place the 6 potato skins in a greased baking pan, apply the glaze evenly over all and toss them in the oven to bake (approx 7 minutes). Pull the pan out of the oven and flip the skins over and bake until they brown (approx 7 minutes). Flip the skins back over and throw in the jalapeños (and green onions if you wish) and cover them with cheese. Toss the skins back in the oven until the cheese melts (approx 2 minutes). Serve those bad boys up on a plate with sour cream and if you are feeling bold, GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, spicy, sports, Super bowl, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked potato, bang, bar food, baseball, basketball, cheddar cheese, delicious, DIY, drunken, easy, fattening, finger food, football, game, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, kitchen, naked, olive oil, paprika, parmesan, pepper, Potato skins recipe, potatoes, recipe, salt, sex, simple, sour cream, sports, sports bar, Super bowl, tailgate, tailgating, tapas, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 24, 2016
Serve this dish up like the sexy Chippendale you are!
Nothing screams out sex appeal for the ladies like a buff dude in a bowtie with a fake collar and cuffs. That’s the Chippendale way. Keeping it classy but lust inspiring at the same time. Make the married ladies scream. Give them something to fantasize about while their husbands bang them with brief, disinterested strokes. Win win. That’s what this stupidly simple dish is about. Tap into the unbridled lust that only bowtie-wearing dancers can inspire. I hope you have your dance revue choreographed. Remember…step forward, step back, spin around, clap and THRUST! Just don’t spill the kick ass contents on the plate while making those moves.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 6 ounces of dried bowtie pasta
2. 1 8-ounce can of tomato sauce
3. 1 can of TUNA
4. ½ cup of milk
5. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
6. ½ an onion diced finely
7. 2 garlic cloves diced finely
Step 1
Boil the pasta al dente (follow instructions, approx 12 min) and drain. While the pasta boils move onto Step 2. When pasta is done, toss it into the sauce and mix.
Step 2
Heat up the olive oil on medium heat. Sauté the garlic and onions (approx 3 min), adding salt if you so desire. Drain the tuna cans and toss in the pan and cook (approx 2 min) into it. Pour in the tomato sauce cook until it all goes red (approx 2 min). Finally pour in the milk and reduce by simmering on low heat as the sauce pinkens.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, fusion, italian, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bowtie pasta, carbohydrates, carbs, Chippendale, Chippendale tuna past recipe, dancers, delicious, DIY, easy, fish, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, lust, male dancers, married ladies, milk, naked, olive oil, onion, pink sauce, recipe, seafood, seduce, sex, tasty, thrust, tomato sauce, tuna fish pink sauce with pasta, tuna pasta sauce, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 26, 2016
- Thai me up, Thai me down, Thai one on!
That’s right! You know how to do what you do so do it. Ooh ooh, baby, do it one more time. I can’t get enough of your tasty taste. It’s so exotic, so flavorful, so foreign to my white bread existence. Suddenly all the TV Dinner memories are evaporating into adventures in Thailand. I’m on a beach getting my hair braided. I’m in the jungle communing with shaman living in a tree house. I’m in Bangkok breaking all 10 Commandments. It’s all because you spice up my life. Keep it up. Now that I’ve tasted the East, these noodles will keep the memories alive at the very least. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | asian, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, poultry, RECIPES, spicy, thai | Tagged: 10 commandments, asian, bang, Bangkok, Bangkok dangerous, beach, braided, broccoli, carbohydrates, carbs, chicken, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fish sauce, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, happy ending, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, kwong hung seng sauce, mushroom, naked, noodles, oh baby!, oyster sauce, Pad see ew recipe, pad see ooh baby, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, sex, shaman, siam, simple pad see ew, spicy, stir fry, sweet, tasty, thai, Thailand, tree house, tv dinner, vegetable oil, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 24, 2015
"Where the ho ho ho's at?" - Santa Clause, December 25, 2009
Santa has been a dirty dog. Getting all up in people’s chimneys, drinking their eggnog and kissing mommy. That fat bastard has quite the racket going on. He pretends to be a jolly fat man spreading toys and joys around. But that’s just a cover so he can bang every MILF he can get his sick sausage fingers on. Homeboy gets right into your house, chimney or no, throws some chintzy toys his worker elves made in the North Pole AKA a Chinese sweatshop, and is banging your momma underneath the Christmas tree your family so innocently decorated. And what does he leave behind as a calling card? Cookie crumbs and a half-drank glass of eggnog. But now’s your chance to show the holly jolly sex-fiend who’s boss. Sure he banged your mom in your own house. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use the leftover eggnog to make French toast on Christmas morning. Think of it as a way for your family to bounce back and avoid becoming yet another home broken by Santa Clause. And if Santa just banged your girlfriend or wife instead, take heart that she was probably star-struck, like banging a Backstreet Boy in their hey day. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, holidays, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: backstreet boys, bang, banging, batter, bread, butter, chimney, Chinese sweatshop, chintzy, Christmas tree, delicious, DIY, easy, fat bastard, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, ho ho ho, holly jolly, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, maple syrup, milf, momma, mommy, mother, naked, Naughty eggnog, north pole, nutmeg, raisins, recipe, santa clause, santa’s revenge French toast, sausage fingers, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex-fiend, tasty, xmas, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 16, 2015
On the ninth day of Hanukkah, give your date your body as the final gift.
Happy Hanukkah! I have banged enough ladies of the Jewish faith to make me an honorary Jew. So I understand the importance of latkes or potato pancakes to the uninitiated. They are ridiculously simple to make, delicious beyond compare, and give a sense of comfort. Those qualities are important when it comes to seducing the Chosen People. You need to put your best foot forward to impress this lot with discerning tastes and banging booties. Getting lucky requires a certain amount of gumption taking destiny in your own hands. Making perfect potato pancakes will position you nicely. Spin the dreidel like you spun the bottle pre-Bar Mitzvah. That’s two minutes in the closet, right after you finish your latkes!
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Wine, wine and more wine
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. Applesauce
3. Sour Cream
4. 2 dashes paprika
5. 2 dashes black pepper
6. 2 dashes salt
7. 2 potatoes
8. ½ JALEPENO diced finely
9. 3 green onions chopped coarsely
10. 1 egg
11. 1 lime wedge
Step 1
Preheat your oven to 350°F/175°C. Peel the potatoes and shred them (either use a food processor, cheese grater or peeler if you must). Combine the taters with jalapeños, 2/3 of the green onions, salt, pepper, paprika, limejuice and eggs. Mix thoroughly.
Step 2
Grease a baking pan with olive oil and then lay out 6 separate pancakes, leaving room in between them. Bake until the top end is brown (approx 30 min) and flip cooking until that side browns (approx 15 min).
Step 3
Plate up the latkes and garnish them with the traditional applesauce, sour cream and remaining sour cream.
I wish you a preemptive “Mazel Tov!” for when you get laid serving up these latkes.
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, holidays, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, apple sauce, bake, baked latke recipe, bang, banging, banging booties, black pepper, calivirgin, chosen people, delicious, DIY, dreidel, easy, egg, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, hanukkah, homemade, intercourse, jalapeño, jew, jewish, kitchen, latke recipe, libido, lime, mazel tov, naked, olive oil, paprika, potatoes, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sour cream, spicy latke recipe, spin the bottle, tasty, two minutes in the closet, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 28, 2015
Embrace the vodka on your plate and in your glass
This Italian mafia recipe will never sleep with the fishes. This vodka penne is “a friend of mine” because it’s tasty and easy to prepare. The only thing getting whacked is the pig used to make the prosciutto. Lucky you. Be sure to remind your date knows how lucky they are to enjoy this fine dish from the old country. The vodka flatters the tomatoes and garlic with compliments, plus you can challenge your date to take shots while you cook. Think you can make an easier, tastier vodka penne from scratch? Forget about it! Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
September 25, 2015
Blue 42, blue 42, hut hut bang!
Welcome to Part II of the 2010 CTB Super Bowl recipe throw down. For the uninitiated or those lacking cognitive reasoning, jambalaya is a dish native to Louisiana, New Orleans in particular. Therefore this dish is dedicated to the New Orleans Saints. My life is too consumed with cooking and banging to pay much attention to football stats. The Saints or the Colts could triumph and it wouldn’t make any difference so long as I have someone warm and cuddly in my bed that night. But in terms of the Food Bowl, New Orleans crushes Indianapolis hands down. The cuisine down South is like a wet dream jumping right off my plate and down my pantaloons. It might be the French influence, it might be the innovations of American ancestors, it might be that I am totally gay for spicy food. I wager all three. But you will turn a few heads with this dish that feeds the hungry, unwashed masses. So whomever you’re cheering for, you will leave a winner with phone numbers and possibly a football-loving hottie on your arm. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | Cajun, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, poultry, RECIPES, southern, spicy, sports, Super bowl | Tagged: ancestors, andouille sausage, bang, banging, bell peppers, black pepper, Cajun, Cajun seasoning, chicken, chicken stock, creole, cuisine, delicious, dip, DIY, easy, food, football, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, Indianapolis colts, intercourse, jamabalaya recipe, kitchen, lemon, libido, Louisiana, naked, New Orleans, new Orleans saints, nfl, olive oil, onion, pantaloons, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, slow cook, south, southern, spicy, Super bowl, tasty, tomato paste, tomatoes, unwashed masses, white rice, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 14, 2015
So Mac-a-licious, you'll lick the dishes
If you make this dish, then you da mack! This dish takes the childhood classic and turns it on its head so it’s strutting its sexy stuff across your dinner table. Be ready with a line about how you came up with this recipe remenisce about giving your playground sweetheart a wildflower (I don’t mind you claiming this recipe as your own as long as it gets you laid; if you fails then I will haunt your dreams). Truth be told, I hated mac and cheese as a kid because the flavor and texture was bland as Kansas. Done right, mac and cheese will compliment any continental meal from fried chicken to pork chops and beyond. The bountiful bevy of cheeses and the spicy jalapeño become a techno dance party in your mouth. This boring classic has the much needed flare like that player at the bar getting girls attention with the pink feather boa, but not obnoxious. Remember, you make this side dish right and it will be by your side for many more mouth-water culinary conquests. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: American, aphrodisiac, bang, childhood classic, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gouda, gourmet, Gourmet macaroni and cheese, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kinky, kitchen, mac and cheese, macaroni, mozzarella, naked, post-coital, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, sinful, soul food, spicy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 