CHARRED OCTOPUSSY SALAD

July 16, 2015
Don't be an octopussy.  Eat the goddamn salad!

Don’t be an octopussy. Eat the goddamn salad!

Don’t mess with Octopussy.  That girl has Bond and every other man wrapped around her fingers, eight to be exact.  But that was before she went through the Bond rotation.  Octopussy never recovered once he cast her aside for the next tramp that could crush his spine with her thighs.  That’s where I came in.  She needed a rebound and I was generous to provide my body for that purpose.  All I had to do was sneak into her floating palace past her army of trained female bodyguards with a bag full of groceries. You may assume that I am trained with the ability to scale walls and hold my breath underwater for over an hour.  But all I have is my charisma and disarming sense of humor.  So I subdued the Octopussy cult army with cooking anecdotes and they took me to their leader.  It was tempting to just engage in a massive orgy with her trained killers, but my mission was to Cook To Bang Octopussy.  Homegirl gave me 10 minutes to impress her or I would be fed to her bloodthirsty manatees.  That was just enough time to fix up this salad and present it to Octopussy.  One bite and she was hooked.  We banged until her ego was restored.  And like a good villainess, she kicked me out of bed right after and went back to work on her world domination plot. Read the rest of this entry »


BEND OVER ENDIVE NIPPLERS

March 25, 2009
There's a nympho mermaid off the starboard bow!

There's a nympho mermaid off the starboard bow!

Hop into my endive boat and we can sail away to an island far far away.  The boat is fully loaded with all manner of extravagances.  A team of attentive monkey butlers who are never too busy making us fresh fruit SMOOTHEES to rub our bunions staffs the boat.  Did I mention we have a smiling octopus captaining the ship?  Seven tentacles control every aspect of the ship, leaving the last tentacle to sip MOJITOS.  We can shuffleboard the afternoon away against our robotic arm competition.  A chorus of endangered and extinct songbirds will serenade us while we dance the night away on the deck with lightning bugs setting the mood.  I bet you never thought all this could be possible from a little finger food.  Ye of little faith!  Accept that this appetizer shall get your date in the mood to sail away to Pleasure Island this night.  Ahoy there!

endives-nibbles-prep1Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: MO MOJO MOJITO or a RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tablespoon of HONEY
2. 1 pear
3. 1 handful of raw walnuts
4. Small handful of Roquefort cheese
5. 1 large red endive

Step 1
Wash the endive thoroughly.  Chop the stalk off and separate out the intact leafs to fill like boats.  Cut off narrow pear strips that can fit inside the endive boats.
endives-nibbles-wash-trim
Step 2
Use a butter knife to fill each endive boat with Roquefort cheese.  Place pieces of walnut over the cheese, followed by a slice of pear.  Once they are all assembled, drizzle the honey evenly over the filled endive boats and serve.
endives-nibbles-assemble
endives-nibbles-served-2

AddThis Social Bookmark Button