ELVIS LIVES (TO BANG) SMOOTHEE

June 24, 2015

Elvis has left the building…with your girl

The King is back. Elvis had the right idea with his clever combination of peanut butter, honey, and bananas. A little gold lame and you will be styling even posthumously. You can be the King of your kitchen when you start your morning out with a glass of burning love. Be the hound dog who gets all shook up in the sack, while avoiding singing in some jail with backup dancers in striped prison suits. This smoothee was made on a whim when I had fuck all for ingredients and was ravenous and parched from exhausting morning sex. Simple, fast, effective. The only thing lacking was a throng of screaming girls. Technically there was only one girl screaming my name. But Elvis wasn’t the King overnight so give me time. Read the rest of this entry »


SMOOTHEE OPERATOR

January 8, 2013
Smoothee Operator.  You're a Smoothee Operatorrrrrrrrr!

Smoothee Operator. You’re a Smoothee Operatorrrrrrrrr!

Ever find yourself vexed with the choice of either eating breakfast or morning sex before work?  I usually go for the latter.  But why limit yourself when you can do both?  Smoothees are a kick-ass kick-start to a kick-in-the-nuts day.  With practice, you can blend on up, pour it in a to go cup, and be out the door in under a minute.  If that isn’t reason enough, consider the health benefits.  The fruit’s antioxidants nourish your mistreated body and give you a healthy jolt far healthier than coffee or tea.  Protein powder will keep you sharp and satiated until lunch, and also give the male libido an extra push.  Did I mention the aphrodisiac elements?  Making a smoothee from home also makes economic sense too rather than paying a smoothee shop like Jamba Juice $6 a pop.  But you already know that because like Sade says, “You’re a Smooth(ee) Operator.”

smoothee-operator-prepTotal time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $8 (with repeats in your future)
Drinking Buddy: Vodka mixed in, but only on weekends

Ingredients (for 2 smoothees):
1. 1 scoop of protein powder (optional)
2. 3 cups of your favorite juice (mine is blueberry)
3. 1 tablespoon of yogurt (optional
4. 1 handful of fresh/frozen mango chunks
5. 1 handful of fresh/frozen blackberries
6. 1 banana

Step 1
Throw all the ingredients in the blender in this order: banana, blackberry, mango, juice, and lastly yogurt if you so desire.smoothee-operator-ingredients

Step 2
Blend the shit out of the fruit until it all forms one sexy red color.  If you want the extra umf, throw in the protein powder now and blend that too.  Pour into cups, down them like a champ and get on with your morning, especially if that means getting it on.
smoothee-operator-blend

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