February 3, 2016
Bust a nut with some butternut
“I think I’m gonna bust a nut all over this squash! Can’t hold back any more. Oh yeah, here it comes. Mmm mmm. Damn this soup hits the spot every time.” This is the typical reaction you get when you make this during wintertime. The butternut is the sexiest, tastiest, most sultry member of the squash family. It absorbs flavor like a champ and becomes velvety when cooked right. And when you roast it, good god does it drip with sex appeal. There aren’t adjectives provocative enough to sum up cooking roasted butternut squash into a soup so I’ll leave that filthy fantasy to the individual chef. This soup has gotten me through the leanest of times with some lovelies with countless requests for sequels. One ex tried to get this recipe before we broke up, but I refused so she left in a huff never to be seen again. Roxanne*, if you’re reading this, here’s the recipe finally available to any and all. Enjoy, and give your cat my best. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | 
HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, butternut, Butternut squash soup, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hearty, hot, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, leftovers, naked, post-coital, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, soup, spice, squash, vegan, vegetables, vegetarian, veggies, warm, warming, winter, yummy | 
Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
December 14, 2015
Man goes where the mangos flow and the seafood knows
You can almost hear the steel drums and kinky Reggae when you slurp this sexy take on a Caribbean classic. It takes a little work to harness the flavors, but trust me when I say it’s well worth the time (hint hint). Shrimp mango bisque is both nutritious and loaded with aphrodisiacs that will put you on the path to gratification. The sweet taste of mango compliments the spices; the shrimp are just begging to soak in the sweet and spicy flavor bursts. My first encounter with this dish was at Club Med in Turks and Caicos as a child rather clueless as to why the adults danced so closely together after a downing a bowl. Perversity and ingenuity have since led me to honing the recipe to what you see before you. SMACK MY BISQUE UP has become a reliable go to dish that brings that Caribbean sunshine to my kitchen and bedroom even in the dead of winter. Go on, make Bob Marley proud!
Read the rest of this entry »
6 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, Caribbean, fusion, HOT LIQUID LOVE, RECIPES, seafood, spicy | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, bisque, bob Marley, Caribbean, chili, cilantro, delicious, easy, flavor, from scratch, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, island, kinky, kitchen, mango, naked, onion, paprika, peppers, plantain, post-coital, romance, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, shrimp, Shrimp mango bisque, soup, spicy, turmeric, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 5, 2015
Dont be a prick-ly pear.
All earthly creatures do it in their own way. Giraffes do it standing up, their long necks intertwined. Male spider monkeys will grab their female partner mid-air, hump them, and release before they even hit the ground. Humans have all kinds of mating rituals from courting over food, to bringing in toys to “bring the spark back”, to discussing the relationship ad nausea post-coital. And within the human genus, we have countless subsets of this behavior. We are an odd species to be sure. Aliens who enslave us two decades from now will be hard-pressed to figure out how to get us to toil away on the Vectarion reactors. I’ll make it simple for them: give us food and let us bang. We’ll take it from there, Remulox. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, condom-ment, fusion, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, spicy, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: alien conquerors, aliens, bang, banging, blend, cactus, cilantro, condiment, condom-ments, delicious, discussing the relationship, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, giraffe, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, human genus, intercourse, jalapeños, kitchen, libido, lime, mating rituals, mexican, mexico, naked, nopales, post-coital, prickly pear, recipe, remulox, salsa, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex toys, sexual practice, sexual practice cactus salsa, spicy, spider monkeys, tasty, vectarion reactor, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 28, 2015
Embrace the vodka on your plate and in your glass
This Italian mafia recipe will never sleep with the fishes. This vodka penne is “a friend of mine” because it’s tasty and easy to prepare. The only thing getting whacked is the pig used to make the prosciutto. Lucky you. Be sure to remind your date knows how lucky they are to enjoy this fine dish from the old country. The vodka flatters the tomatoes and garlic with compliments, plus you can challenge your date to take shots while you cook. Think you can make an easier, tastier vodka penne from scratch? Forget about it! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, italian, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, cream, delicious, dinner, easy, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, italian, kinky, kitchen, meat, naked, old country, parmesan, parsley, pasta, penne, post-coital, prosciutto, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, tomatoes, vodka, Vodka penne | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 14, 2015
So Mac-a-licious, you'll lick the dishes
If you make this dish, then you da mack! This dish takes the childhood classic and turns it on its head so it’s strutting its sexy stuff across your dinner table. Be ready with a line about how you came up with this recipe remenisce about giving your playground sweetheart a wildflower (I don’t mind you claiming this recipe as your own as long as it gets you laid; if you fails then I will haunt your dreams). Truth be told, I hated mac and cheese as a kid because the flavor and texture was bland as Kansas. Done right, mac and cheese will compliment any continental meal from fried chicken to pork chops and beyond. The bountiful bevy of cheeses and the spicy jalapeño become a techno dance party in your mouth. This boring classic has the much needed flare like that player at the bar getting girls attention with the pink feather boa, but not obnoxious. Remember, you make this side dish right and it will be by your side for many more mouth-water culinary conquests. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, RECIPES, SINWICHES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: American, aphrodisiac, bang, childhood classic, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gouda, gourmet, Gourmet macaroni and cheese, guarantee, intercourse, jalapeño, kinky, kitchen, mac and cheese, macaroni, mozzarella, naked, post-coital, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, sinful, soul food, spicy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 26, 2015
We scream for sex dreams!
Ever had post-banging munchies so severe you considered eating an entire package of edible panties? It’s a goddamn epidemic! Evasive action is necessary to replenish those calories you burned in the throes of unbridled lust. Since few people have enough raspberry flavored underwear, might I point you in the way of the kitchen? It’s that room that some people put food in. The quickest way to return to the task at hand is speed and efficiency. You want the most flavor per time allotted. Nothing cools you down after steamy summer sex like an ice cream sandwich crowned with strawberries. So get back to the screaming, dreaming and orgasm-gleaming! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: bang, banging, chocolate chip cookie, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, I scream you scream sinwich recipe, ice cream sandwich recipe, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, on the go, post-coital, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, sweet, tasty, unbridled lust, vanilla ice cream, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
May 29, 2015
Pancake poonany perfection
So you’ve just wrapped up a sexual escapade that lasted all morning. Your date is ravenous and is threatening mutiny if you don’t fill their gullets stat. You can do nothing and risk never hearing from them again, which may be the right choice if it’s some skank or bozo. But chances are you wouldn’t have allowed them to stay the night if they weren’t worth making a little effort to feed. If all goes to plan, the afternoon can be a sequel to the morning’s kinky adventures between the sheets. This recipe originated from a severe lack of ingredients. I had only one egg, frozen blackberries and a very hungry girl in my bed. So I improvised and made the morning carry on into the evening, flaking on set plans to have dinner with my mother. Sorry, mom! She forgave me and my date did not erase me from her phonebook. One last thought, why settle for bisquik and water, when the from scratch method takes two extra seconds and yields randy results? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, MORNING WOOD, RECIPES | Tagged: bang, blackberries, Blackberry pancakes, bread, breakfast, butter, classic, delicious, easy, eggs, flour, from scratch, game changer, get laid, gourmet, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, milk, morning, naked, pancakes, post-coital, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, syrup | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 8, 2014
Trap her with some red snapper
A red snapper walked into the social club wearing a three-piece suit, a pocket watch sticking out of his waistcoat. All the ladies heads turned, enthralled by this sexy piece of manfish. Who was he to deny the unwavering lust of the cougars that scratched and pulled each others’ hair to get a taste? When the dust settled, every lady was smoking a post-coital cigarette. The red snapper was nowhere to be seen, but would not soon be forgotten. ìWhat’s the lesson?î you ask. Make an impression, own the room, and you too will be devoured with the right amount of umph. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, calivirgin, cougar, crushed red chili flakes, dapper, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, lemon red snapper recipe, libido, manfish, naked, olive oil, pan-fry, pocket watch, post-coital, recipe, red snapper, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, so dapper red snapper, tasty, three-piece suit, umph, waistcoat, yummy, zest | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 29, 2014
If this can’t breathe some heat into your fall…you best get used to a cold empty bed.
Hold on tight to the memories. The warmth of the air made it unnecessary for people to wear layer upon layer of clothing. Summer flings are winding down, or in some cased winding up…for the long winter that lies ahead. Bikinis and mankinis are being put away in boxes to collect dust, dry as a bone. Can you blame us for being a tad wistful over the season we left behind? Fall’s great with the accessories (I’m partial to sweaters), but just for now, with this pineapple in my hand, I’m keeping things warm and shimmery. The succulent pineapple meat charred over fire sends me right back to that moment on the beach, laying post-coital on a hammock with a local lovely feeding me freshly grilled pineapple. So yeah, bring your own special memory of summer back with a vengeance. Chances are the lucky someone you grill this pineapple for has their own wicked summer senses to reignite. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | asian, Caribbean, fusion, healthy, RECIPES, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: bang, banging, barbecue sauce, bbq, Bbq pineapple recipe, bbq sauce, bikini, char, charcoal, coleman, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, grill, grilled pineapple recipes, guarantee, hammock, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, last gasp, libido, local, mankini, marinade, memories, naked, pineapple, post-coital, propane, recipe, savory, seduce, SEDUCTION, sense, sex, side dish, succulent, summer, sweet, tasty, wicked, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 26, 2014
Inhale my kale
This simple as sin noodle dish’s got everything. Want healthy green kale? You got it, bub, Feel like the tart of lime, a hint of Vietnamese with the fish sauce, maybe the tang of sun-dried tomato? Indoubely-deed. How about an aphrodisiac triple threat? Bim bam boom. That mean old Dr. Atkins will shake his immortal head in shame over the carbs, but in their defense, they are pretty light and airy. And that will come in handy when all the colors swirling around this healthy noodle dish spin you and your date off your feet and into bed. Feel free to watch the kaleidoscope in the air when you’re both lying panting, post-coital, feeling it. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, carboluscious, fusion, healthy, hippie, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, spicy, vietnamese | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, avocado oil, bang, banging, basil, bim bam boom, carboluscious, carbs, delicious, DIY, dr. atkins, easy, fish sauce, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, ginger, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, hippie, homemade, intercourse, kale, kale rice noodles recipe, kale-idoscope rice noodles, kaleidoscope noodles, kitchen, libido, lime, naked, post-coital, recipe, rice noodles, seduce, SEDUCTION, Serrano chilies, sex, southeast asian, spicy, stirfry, sun dried tomato, tasty, vegetable oil, Vietnam, vietnamese, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 