Experimentation makes the world go round. Where would we be without Ben Franklin accidentally barbecuing himself with a kite? I approach cooking with the same punk rock philosophy. My instincts usually lead to success, but every once in a while I crash a burn. My culinary experiments usually take place behind closed doors, the windows drawn, and a former Mossad security team keeping out the paparazzi. I can’t have my cooking rep suffer should I create a black hole of shame in my kitchen. There were these peanut butter cookies I made without sugar that were so bad they will follow me to into grave and end up stuffed in my suit pocket. Every once in a while a new recipe needs to be attempted on the spot. This skeptical lawyer whose ass still looks banging under her pantsuit was concerned when she saw me peel a tangerine and shell shrimp. “You’re putting that in my eggs?” I calmed down this sexpot lawyer that dominates in the courtroom and bedroom by pouring coffee into one of my beloved PHOTO MUGS. She drank the java, then ate her words, and entire plate, even forking away one of my shrimp! my lawyer lover ended up being late to her deposition because she subpoenaed me between the sheets. CTB 1 – LAW 0. Read the rest of this entry »
This little figgy went to the market (to buy ingredients and condoms)
This little figgy stayed home (and Cooked to Bang)
This little figgy had roast beef (curtains)
This little figgy had none (because he was cooking for a vegan)
And this little figgy went “Wee! Wee! Wee!” all the way home (bragging about the latest CTB conquest).
This Caribbean nod to all things breakfasty brought a smile to my face and the lucky recipient who was awoken by the smell. It was like an old Tom & Jerry cartoons where the scent literally drags sleeping Jerry out of safe slumbering mouse-hole. But instead of a cartoon mouse, picture a hot young thing dressed in nothing but her pride. Breakfast was served, Cook To Bang style. I swear I could hear the faint sound of steel drums as morning became afternoon in the comfort of my own bed.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
2. 1 dash salt
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 3 eggs
5. 1/4 lb chicken minced
6. 1 green onion chopped coarsely
7. 1/2 mango cubed
8. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
Beat the eggs with green onions and salt.
Season the chicken with paprika. Heat up the oil on medium heat and brown the chicken.
Throw in the mango chunks and pour in the beaten eggs. Scramble to your liking.