November 11, 2009
beet yo-gurt-le served

Beet it because they need it!

Girdles are the absolute worst!  I find clothing abhorrent. If nudist colonies weren’t of the fugly side of life, I might join them.  So I settle with having a no-clothes policy in my house.  My friends thinks it’s a little weird, but my late night companions don’t seem to spend an evening playing Nintendo Wii tennis naked.  You ain’t seen nothing until you spy with your little eye naughty bits flying around hitting a video backhand.  But clothes are a mandated part of polite society so I settle for accessorizing.  One accessory I cannot abide by is the girdle.  Do we really need more obstacles to get through?  At least the bra and panty line of defense is a pleasure to view at while sneaking behind enemy lines.  Luckily this salad is healthy and with repeat meals could reduce the reason for the same fuglies at the nudist colony to ever wear a girdle when they begrudgingly go to work dressed.  Chock the flavor and cool red staining effect from the beets foreplay.

beet yo-gurt-le prepTotal time: approximately 1 hour
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: SLUTTY TEMPLE, red and slutty is the theme

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 tbsp Greek yogurt
2. 1 dash salt
3. 3 2 large BEETS with stocks and leaves
4. Lemon juice to taste

Step 1
First chop away the stocks from the beets.  Wash the stocks/leaves thoroughly.  Chop away and seperate the stocks from the leaves, cutting them both smaller.
beet yo-gurt-le chop
Step 2
Submerge the beets and stocks in boiling water and cook until you can easily penetrate the beets with a fork (approx 30 min).  Drain the water and throw the beets and stock in ice water. Remove the boiled stocks and add them to the chopped beet leaves.  Once the beets are cool, you can easily remove the skin before you slice them into thin rounds.
beet yo-gurt-le boil
Step 3
Assemble your salad by laying a foundation of leaves/stocks, artfully place the beet rounds above, and smother the money shot of yogurt on top of each plate’s face. Squeeze a little lemon juice for some extra tang.
beet yo-gurt-le assemble
Serve this salad after a weekend of sexcess.
beet yo-gurt-le served 2

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November 20, 2008
Simple and seductive? You can't beat a healthy beet salad.

Simple and seductive? You can't beat a beet salad.

A naysayer might claim that beets are a boring vegetable on par with brussel sprouts or kale.  Punch this ignoramus in the face because they are clearly ignorant to just how goddamn sexy beets can be.  First, beets are an aphrodisiac used since Roman times to increase male virility due to the high boron content.  “Take favors in the beetroot fields” was a popular early 20th Century euphemism for visiting prostitutes.  Happy ending history aside, beets are amazing for your circulatory system and freshen your breath, which comes in handy for horny people with heart problems and halitosis.  But they also taste amazing and with the right combination of foods become an unstoppable force at motivating hanky panky.  Goat cheese and beets together form an alliance on par with Hall and Oates or Siegfried and Roy (minus the tiger mauling).  They are your friends and allies when it comes to the horizontal mambo.  Beet salad is a classy choice for a first date because it’s neither expensive nor expected.  It’s refreshing, invigorating and will cue you up for some felating.  Combining the salad with a bottle of wine will equate to a sublime time oh so divine.

beet-salad-preppedIngredients (for two):
1. 1 pear sliced long ways
2. 8 ounces of goat cheese cut into rounds
3. 2 steamed, peeled beets cut into rounds

Step 1
Steam or boil beets until a fork can easily be stabbed through them.  Throw the beets into a container filled with ice-cold water and allow them to cool in the fridge for 30 minutes or so.  The skin should easily peel off.  Cut the beets into rounds.
Step 2
Create stacks of the holy trinity, sandwiching the goat cheese between the beets and pears.  Cover them in balsamic vinegar and olive oil and serve.  Two or three per plate should suffice for a spectacular starter or a healthy lunch before an afternoon quickie.

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