KISS MY PEANUT BUTTER TITTIES

April 11, 2016
Don't forget the milk with them titties
Don’t forget the milk with them titties

Give it up for KISS MY PEANUT BUTTER TITTIES.  They are stupidly simple to make, show imagination and a touch of humor, the essentially ingredient in attraction.  If you’re a guy, these say, “I love your breasts so much I had to commemorate them with a high calorie treat.”  If you’re a woman, the cookies say, “Just to remind you how amazing my breasts are, take a nibble, baby.”  Everybody wins with these edible mammaries!  An added bonus is that you can make a ton of these if you are dating more than one person.  Plus they make great gifts for your friends, coworkers and family that aren’t easily offended.  You best get baking.

peanut-kisses-prepIngredients (makes 20-30 cookies):
1. 1 cup of brown sugar
2. 1 cup of white sugar
3. 1¼ cups of flour
4. ½ teaspoon of baking soda
5. ½ teaspoon of baking powder
6. ½ cup of peanut butter
7. 1 teaspoon of vanilla
8. ½ cup of honey
9. 2 eggs
10. Hershey Kisses
11. ½ cup of margarine or butter

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.  Mix the butter/margarine and peanut butter.  Mix in the eggs and vanilla.  Next mix the baking powder, baking soda, honey, white and brown sugars.  Finally mix the flour in (the mixture will be thick so be careful not to burn out the engine if you use a hand blender).peanut-kisses-mix
Step 2
Unwrap all the Hershey Kisses and set aside.  Roll small balls of cookie dough the side of walnuts in their shells.  Set two balls side by side, leaving a ½ inch between them.   Make sure each pair has enough room to expand.  Bake 7 to 9 minutes until the edges of the cookies brown.  Remove from the oven and transfer onto wax paper to cool, immediately setting 2 Kisses on each cookie.  After a minute, pinch the tips and push down softly until you get your desire areola look.  Allow to cool, then package for gifts or each with milk, soymilk or by itself.
peanut-kisses-bake-pinch

peanut-kisses-served1

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TOFU TACO TANGO

October 26, 2015
Wango Tango Bango!

Wango Tango Bango!

The tango is an Argentinean dance unparalleled in its complexity.  Yet it is oh so much more than an awesome way to sweep someone off their feet in Buenos Aires.  The seductive essence of tango runs deep in all things done with panache.  You can tango on the tennis court, in the kitchen, and most decisively in the bedroom.  Tango requires skill, passion and attitude unparalleled.  But you are clearly clever enough since you are reading this.  Pulling off a culinary seduction tango should be no more difficult than unsnapping a bra.   So invite over the vivacious vegetarian, or vegan if you have the patience, or just someone sexy who likes fabulous food.  Keep that rose in your teeth as you serenade them from the dining room to the bedroom.  Bravo!  Bravo! Read the rest of this entry »


SHAKE YOUR POM POMEGRANATE SALAD

December 28, 2010
Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!

Pom pom pomegranate, pom pom pomegranate, pomegranate, master of fruit!

The seedy, juicy, messy Biblical fruit has invaded my kitchen.  This so-called super fruit is fabled to combat cancer, heart disease and ugliness.  The juice stains deep red so it has to be the mark of something special, right?  Naturally, wanting to make sure my readers are not only sexually satisfied, but healthy enough to enjoy the vigorous exercise associated with banging, I am bringing the pomegranate into the COOK TO BANG fold.  The seeds are a challenge to set free, but the joy they bring with each bite make them well worth the trouble.  It’s not unlike removing a stubborn bra: you may jam your finger in an effort to set free a pair of glorious juggernauts.  A little extra effort will pay off dividends when your date is touched by your concern for their health.  Come dessert time it will be paid forward and hopefully again for breakfast.  Now go on and shake it until you make it! Read the rest of this entry »


BEET YO-GURT-LE OFF SALAD

November 11, 2009
beet yo-gurt-le served

Beet it because they need it!

Girdles are the absolute worst!  I find clothing abhorrent. If nudist colonies weren’t of the fugly side of life, I might join them.  So I settle with having a no-clothes policy in my house.  My friends thinks it’s a little weird, but my late night companions don’t seem to spend an evening playing Nintendo Wii tennis naked.  You ain’t seen nothing until you spy with your little eye naughty bits flying around hitting a video backhand.  But clothes are a mandated part of polite society so I settle for accessorizing.  One accessory I cannot abide by is the girdle.  Do we really need more obstacles to get through?  At least the bra and panty line of defense is a pleasure to view at while sneaking behind enemy lines.  Luckily this salad is healthy and with repeat meals could reduce the reason for the same fuglies at the nudist colony to ever wear a girdle when they begrudgingly go to work dressed.  Chock the flavor and cool red staining effect from the beets foreplay.

beet yo-gurt-le prepTotal time: approximately 1 hour
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: SLUTTY TEMPLE, red and slutty is the theme

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 4 tbsp Greek yogurt
2. 1 dash salt
3. 3 2 large BEETS with stocks and leaves
4. Lemon juice to taste

Step 1
First chop away the stocks from the beets.  Wash the stocks/leaves thoroughly.  Chop away and seperate the stocks from the leaves, cutting them both smaller.
beet yo-gurt-le chop
Step 2
Submerge the beets and stocks in boiling water and cook until you can easily penetrate the beets with a fork (approx 30 min).  Drain the water and throw the beets and stock in ice water. Remove the boiled stocks and add them to the chopped beet leaves.  Once the beets are cool, you can easily remove the skin before you slice them into thin rounds.
beet yo-gurt-le boil
Step 3
Assemble your salad by laying a foundation of leaves/stocks, artfully place the beet rounds above, and smother the money shot of yogurt on top of each plate’s face. Squeeze a little lemon juice for some extra tang.
beet yo-gurt-le assemble
Serve this salad after a weekend of sexcess.
beet yo-gurt-le served 2

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