COCONUT COD-PIECE

February 5, 2016
Slap on that codpiece and eat some goddamn cod!

Slap on that codpiece and eat some goddamn cod!

I generally don’t recommend being bashful and covering up your naughty bits. But for some reason it has been deemed socially unacceptable to prance around naked in public. So when social decorum outweighs your exhibitionist tendencies, you need to figure out a classy way to cover up. Bring on the codpiece! Your most shocking parts will be hidden from view, yet you will leave everyone guessing what you could possibly be packing. And that’s just where you want to be. Apply this same hidden package of awesome theory to the meal you serve to your date. Nothing packs quite a flavor wallop like this black cod dish I made as an afterthought. The task at hand was preparing MISO HORNY COD that has been dropping panties since 2003. But I had leftover cod that required my swift attention lest these beautiful cuts of fish go the way of slap bracelets. So my date the following night was given a rarefied chance to try something new and totally untested. This dish is what follows and thank god for that! Lord knows she was thanking god in her own lascivious way. Read the rest of this entry »


GET A ROOM! HEIRLOOM TOMATO SALAD

July 28, 2014
Get a room?  What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism?  You get a room!

Get a room? What’s wrong with a little exhibitionism? You get a room!

No doubt, some ninny has scolded you for PDA’ing the night away.  They are just jealous of your mojo and spontaneity.  It’s not your fault they aren’t inspired to engage in carnal acts in public, possibly in a suburban shopping mall or on a merry-go-round.  Chances are they haven’t banged properly since the Reagan administration.  Tough titties.  You on the other hand still have a pulse and should cry out, “To hell with you cock-blocking conservatives!”  Grab that special someone’s ass and pull them towards you.  Encourage them to open their mouth and feed them something refreshing and sensual…like this salad.  The fresh tomatoes will dance on your tongues like another tongue, preparing them for the inevitable closing move that will ruffle the feathers of every starched shirt in a 10-mile radius.  Know in your heart that you haven’t done your job until you get complaints from the morality morons. Read the rest of this entry »