DON’T MAKE ME BAGEL PIZZA

October 17, 2014
Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.

Unlike TLC, I am too proud to beg.

You should know better than to beg.  There is clear a disconnect with your mastery of the CTB philosophy.  When you serve that special someone amazing food than you won’t have to beg.  It is your date who will beg you for more whether that is a second helping of bagel pizzas or another screaming orgasm.  Groveling doesn’t suit you.  That’s for the people who can’t close the deal in good faith.  Be grateful there are chumps out there on their knees looking pathetic and sexually frustrated.  They suffer so you don’t have to.  Just do the voodoo that you do in the kitchen and the bedroom.  This recipe is so fast and impressive that you can’t help but reap the rewards.  Reap away, reaper. Read the rest of this entry »


LOX IT DOWN BAGEL

August 4, 2011

Lox to do, lox-a-million

There comes a time in your life where you need to stake your claim. Lox it down! Usually we do it on top of mountains or when you buy a new house. But what about staking a claim in someone’s heart (or pants)? You have to flip their script to make that happen. That’s where the CTB method becomes in essential. Whipping up a gourmet classic will win the hearts and loins. Create the right dish for the right person at right time and you have a devotee on your hand. Be careful because they might get hooked on you. Then you might have a Stage-5 clinger who would rob a armored car for you. This slice of Yiddish awesome is one such dish. Your luck with Israelis in particular will go up 1000% when you bring this classic Jewish dish into the mix. With that many beautiful nationals, you’d be well served to whip some up stat! Read the rest of this entry »


BREAKFAST SALAD SINWICH REMIX

August 27, 2009
Cook To Bang is coming at you with the breakfast re-re-re-re-re-remix!

Cook To Bang is coming at you with the breakfast re-re-re-re-re-remix!

A good COOK TO BANG groove deserves to be remixed. In the age of recycling chic, why wouldn’t you turn one outstanding meal into another equally memorable meal? Think of this thriftiness the way you would an old lover who used to be an overweight hippie harlot and now is a svelte yummy yuppie. Sure there is some familiarity when you bang them again, but for the most part it’s like banging someone completely fresh and new. Salad is like a condom; it doesn’t keep long after it’s been opened. So you need to be fast with reconfiguring the leftovers before they become a pathetic pile of wilted goop. Breakfast seems the most appropriate and expedited opportunity for you to bring leftover salad back to life like Frankenstein’s monster. Mix it up with bagel, eggs and sauce and IT’S ALIVE!!!

breakfast salad sinwich prepTotal time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 3 tbsp of Pindjur (Turkish roasted red pepper spread)
2. 1 tbsp olive oil
3. Leftover salad
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 dash pepper
6. 2 eggs
7. 1 bagel
8. ½ onion chopped coarsely

Step 1
Beat the eggs with salt and pepper.
breakfast salad sinwich eggs
Step 2
Sauté the onion with olive oil. Pick all the goodies from your salad (e.g. tomatoes, olives, radish, etc.) and sauté them as well. Pour in the egg mixture and scramble your little heart out.
breakfast salad sinwich scramble
Step 3
Cut the bagel in ½ and toast. Scoop the Pindjur on the bagel, scoop on some scrambled eggs and throw the lettuce from the salad on top.
breakfast salad sinwich assemble
Serve up this breakfast salad sandwich in bed to your good morning companion.
breakfast salad sinwich served 2

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