PORN-FLAKE FRISKEES

December 17, 2010
Behold the tower of porn...flakes.

Behold the tower of porn...flakes.

Cue the 70’s porn funk as you stroll into the room.  You got that sexy someone in one arm, an armful of cornflake magic in the other.  The only thing holding you back is your fragile sense of morals.  Toss them aside onto the shag carpeting and become the porn star you always wanted to be.  Remember on career day in middle school when everyone announced plans to be doctors, firemen and an account like my dad?  Not you.  You announced to your aghast teacher and clueless classmates that you would be delivering money shots on cue from 5 different angles while stroking your mustache.  So what if that didn’t technically work out?  No harm in pretending so long as you have a willing partner.  But that’s why you have the Porn-Flake Friskees, to lure in your co-star.  Lights, camera, BANG! Read the rest of this entry »


NO BLUE-BALL-BERRY KRISPIE SWEETS

February 11, 2009
Krispy on the outside, soft and juicy on the inside.

Krispy on the outside, soft and juicy on the inside.

Your favorite childhood treat is back with a black and blueberry attitude. This ain’t your momma’s Rice Krispie Treat.  The team of molecular physicists on staff at COOK TO BANG developed a groundbreaking improvement to this noble confectionery.  The naysayers who said our research grant money was worse spent than Sarah Palin’s Bridge To Nowhere can suck it.  Now that haters are off to ruin someone else’s day, behold: I reveal to you the revolutionary Krispie Treat supercharged with blueberry bomb blasts.  The consumer will be too busy rolling their eyes into the back of their heads to notice the antioxidants going to work.  Serve these treats to someone you’re sweet on  in full confidence that you’re holding your conquest’s health in the utmost regard.  It’s low in fat, rich in fiber, and overflowing with awesomeness. Keep in mind you’ll have plenty of leftovers that are great for post-coital snacks or to lure future dates to your place. No blue balls for you, my friend!

krispy-prep-copyTotal time: approximately 40 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: HOT COCOA

Ingredients:
1. 6 cups of Rice Krispies (or generic brand)
2. 10 ounces of marshmallows
3. 1 small container of fresh blueberries
4. ¼ stick of butter

Step 1
Melt the butter completely in a deep pan or pot on low heat.  Toss in the marshmallows, and then cook and stir them until they become one big tasty goop (approx 5 minutes).
krispy-melt
Step 2
Turn the heat off and dump in the Krispies and blueberries. Mix them all together thoroughly. Dump them all into a greased baking pan, and pat them down with a spatula (ideally sprayed with cooking spray).  Allow them time to cool (approx 30 minutes).  Cut up your preferred sized squares and distribute to the beautiful people.

krispy-mix-press

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