FIG-TASTIC VOYAGE

January 19, 2016
Come along and munch on our fig-tastic...

Come along and munch on our fig-tastic...

The journey to the center of this aphrodisiac is about to begin.  First we’ll shrink ourselves down using technology we reversed-engineered from the potion our corporate spy Alice swiped from Wonderland.  Now that we are tiny as microbes, the real adventure begins.  Our goal?  To figure out what makes figs so goddamn sexy.  Our field-tests have proven that the probability of premarital sex after consuming fresh figs rises exponentially.  One might just say it becomes a foregone conclusion.  Regardless, we need to understand the science so that we can duplicate it, shrink it into pill form and mass-market to college kids.  Only then can the next fantastic voyage begin.  All aboard! Read the rest of this entry »


KIWI MELT IN YOUR MOUTH

September 25, 2014
kiwi melt served

It will melt in your mouth, your date will melt in your hands.

You know you’re in for a wild ride as soon as this melty concoction hits the tip of your tongue.  The first bite should make it clear that you ain’t eating your grandmother’s sandwich.  No siree!  We’re talking about the next step in culinary evolution.  Combining fruit, meat and cheese on bread was the inevitable next step in tasty temptations.  Sure you could just make a tuna melt that would put your date to sleep long before you can lay the mack down.  But why not just stick your genitals in the freezer? You won’t be needing those anyway.  Our world of convenience and innovation demands that you take a few extra steps to get what you REALLY want.  This sandwich will only take you a few extra minutes, which will be paid for in dividends when you are reclined, sweaty and gasping for air.  This kiwi melt should melt resistance and clothes right off.  What are you waiting for?  Make New Zealand proud! Read the rest of this entry »


IT’S SO FIG! SHRIMP

August 5, 2013

Fellas, say this when you serve it up, “Soy Senor Grande Magnifico!”

After you CTB for a while, you get immune to the awe-inspired praise. Deliver the two primal pleasures in large quantities and you will have them brainwashed. Wielding the culinary seduction skills of a wizard has its advantages. You are in control, literally dishing out doses of delight turns you into the banging equivalent of a crack dealer. Intense rushes of ìoohsî and ìahsî are dealt like vials of culinary crack on the playground. Your chosen playpal(s) will be unable to resist you whenever you lead them by the hand into your kitchen. Culinary crack hos they will soon become. This aphrodisiac triple-threat is the perfect first taste that will leave them begging for their next fix. Read the rest of this entry »