BROTHEL BROCCOLI BREAK

March 25, 2010

Broc is a lock 'cuz the ladies do flock

When your pad starts to seem like a whorehouse with all the coming and going and more coming, it’s best to treat your body right. At least once in a while anyway. I’m all for the rock ‘n roll indulgences with fatty foods, barrels of booze, and flocks of freaks. But the monk that resides deep within my soul occasionally takes control and screams “Enough, ya heathen!” So I indulge him by taking a night off from the excitement and excess. And then, like Charlie Sheen at Bolivian whorehouse, I’m back to my usual tomfoolery harder and heavier than ever. Now go on and do yourself right before you do someone else right.

Total time: approximately 6 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: All depends on what you serve with it

Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 bunch broccoli
2. 2 tbsp oyster sauce

Step 1
Chop off the bottom of the broccoli stalks so the trees separate. Throw them in boiling water and cook through so they are bright green (approx 3 min). Remove from the broccoli water and toss with oyster sauce. Serve up this mighty fine, healthy side dish with a meaty ENTREE.

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FREAKY FRIED CORN-FLAKY CHICKEN

April 30, 2009
Who get's freaky?  Who do? You do!  Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!

Who get's freaky? Who do? You do! Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!

Ain’t nothing wrong with getting a little freaky in the kitchen.  I get freaky every time I walk across the linoleum.  Sometimes I’ll grind against my oven, do the old in-out with my cupboards, or just stick my hand all up in my freezer just because.  Sure I could act my age and treat the kitchen with reverence usually saved for a church.  But to me, my kitchen is my church and I am a goddamn pagan.  Getting freaky with two chicken breasts is my way of giving thanks for all the bounty and booty that comes my way.  So ladies, won’t you join me in this freaky heathen worship of the sweet and the savory?  This chicken is baked, so it is far less fatty.  That means we can get way more chatty, before I drive you batty with desire.  So don’t be bratty or catty about getting freaky.  It’s natural and oh so delicioso!

Total time: approximately 70 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a margarita

fried-chicken-prep1Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of Cornflakes
2. 1 tablespoon of milk
3. 1 egg
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of pepper
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 1 green onion chopped finely
8. 1 handful of shredded Parmesan
9. 2 tablespoons of butter

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Dump the cornflakes into a bowl and punch them into submission.  Mix in the Parmesan, green onions, pepper, and salt.  In a separate bowl, mix together the egg and milk.fried-chicken-batter

Step 2
Pat dry the chicken breasts.  Dip them in the egg/milk mixture and then stick the meat in the cornflake breading mixture, making sure both sides are coated.  Place in a baking pan.  Melt the butter in a pan and pour it over the breaded chicken.  Throw it all into the oven and bake until the chicken is crispy on the outside and cooked through on the inside (approx 1 hour).

fried-chicken-dip-butter-bake

Serve with GARLIC GOING ON MASHED POTATOES.

fried-chicken-served-2

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