March 27, 2016
Once you popper, you can’t stop her
Most North American sports bar patrons have consumed twice their weight in deep fried jalapeños poppers. Sure they are goddamn satisfying as the cheese stains your shirt, your team scores, and you toast with your third beer. Jalapeño poppers just aren’t sexy fried, period. Don’t even think about getting kinky with an order of twelve poppers with ranch on the side. But when you got ‘em baking, you can start shaking. Suddenly the crowd-pleasing appetizer is both edible and credible. The poppers are perfectly portable treat for tailgating, potlucks and the occasional swingers party. But if you want to CTB, serve your basketball fuck-buddy finger food. You are sure to score a touch down.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer, this is bar food
Ingredients:
1. 1/3 cup of flour
2. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
3. 1 tablespoon of honey
4. 2 tablespoons of milk
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 3 ounces of cream cheese
7. 2 handfuls of shredded jack/mozzarella cheese
8. 1 egg
9. 5 jalapeños spilt lengthwise, stalks cut, seeds and veins removed
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Mix the cheeses with the honey and paprika. Spread enough of the cheese mixture to just fill the hollow jalapeños.
Step 2
Mix up the egg with the milk and paprika. Separate the flour, egg mixture, and breadcrumbs in separate bowls. Dip each cheesy jalapeño first in flour, then egg mixture, and finally breadcrumbs. Set out on a foil covered baking pan.
Step 3**
Shove the baking pan full of prepped jalapeños in the oven. Bake until the breading browns and the cheese begins to ooze out the side. (Approx 30 min) Now you’re good to serve it up on a platter with ranch or ketchup. Who’s the player now?
**This is the baking method. You could skip this step and deep fry it in oil. But frying isn’t sexy. Trust me!
3 Comments | 
FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, sports, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked, Baked jalapeño poppers recipe, bang, bar food, college basketball, cream cheese, delicious, easy, fancy, finger food, football, game changer, game watching, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, jalapeño poppers, kitchen, march madness, mexican, naked, ncaa, not fried, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sports, tailgating | 
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Posted by cooktobang
November 9, 2015
Love me tender, Love me baked, They'll never tell you no!
So it’s game day. Are you ready for some football? Damn straight! Do you have your jersey? Check! Beer helmet? Mos def! The case of brewskies? You know it? The appetizer your friend asked you to bring for their Super Bowl party? Wait, what? You do know that the game starts in an hour, right? Oh, &$%#! Before you go postal on us, just know COOK TO BANG has a solution for you. This dish is simple enough for a syphilitic monkey to do and a guaranteed football crowd pleaser. You will inspire greatness in everyone attending who will then sing your praises, followed by a chorus of Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” Now that you have your theme song backing you up, turn your attention to that single hottie across the room. Walk right over, sit down next to them, and offer baked piece of heaven. Way to go, champ! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, sports, Super bowl, winter | Tagged: baked, baked chicken tenders, bang, bread crumbs, breaded, breading, Cajun seasoning, chicken breasts, chicken nuggets recipe, Chicken tenders recipe, delicious, easy, finger food, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, football, game, game changer, game day, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, healthy, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, mayonnaise, naked, nfl, not fried, nugget, parmesan, party, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, sports, Super bowl, tailgate, tailgating, tasty, tender, white meat, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 12, 2013
You made these fries for me? You’re totally sweet!
Dude! Did you see that ollie Mctwist I pulled over the rails? Totally sweet! Did you see how I walked right up to that blonde and got her number? Totally sweet! Did I mention I was able to Cook To Bang? Totally sweet! Did I tell you what I cooked to seal the deal? Totally Sweet Potato Fries! These oven-baked fries are seasoned to perfection and make a totally sweet starter, side dish or post-coital snack. The only thing you have to figure out which someone is worthy of making this stupid-easy dish for. Hmm… Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, french, healthy, RECIPES, southern, winter | Tagged: appetizer, baked fries, baked sweet potato fries, carbohydrate, carboluscious, compliment, finger food, healthier, olive oil, paprika, pepper, rosemary, salt, side dish, slut, snack, Sweet potato fries recipe, sweet potatoes, totally sweet, yams | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
April 30, 2009
Who get's freaky? Who do? You do! Now freaky fry your way to shangri la!
Ain’t nothing wrong with getting a little freaky in the kitchen. I get freaky every time I walk across the linoleum. Sometimes I’ll grind against my oven, do the old in-out with my cupboards, or just stick my hand all up in my freezer just because. Sure I could act my age and treat the kitchen with reverence usually saved for a church. But to me, my kitchen is my church and I am a goddamn pagan. Getting freaky with two chicken breasts is my way of giving thanks for all the bounty and booty that comes my way. So ladies, won’t you join me in this freaky heathen worship of the sweet and the savory? This chicken is baked, so it is far less fatty. That means we can get way more chatty, before I drive you batty with desire. So don’t be bratty or catty about getting freaky. It’s natural and oh so delicioso!
Total time: approximately 70 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a margarita
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of Cornflakes
2. 1 tablespoon of milk
3. 1 egg
4. ½ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ teaspoon of pepper
6. 2 chicken breasts
7. 1 green onion chopped finely
8. 1 handful of shredded Parmesan
9. 2 tablespoons of butter
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Dump the cornflakes into a bowl and punch them into submission. Mix in the Parmesan, green onions, pepper, and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together the egg and milk.
Step 2
Pat dry the chicken breasts. Dip them in the egg/milk mixture and then stick the meat in the cornflake breading mixture, making sure both sides are coated. Place in a baking pan. Melt the butter in a pan and pour it over the breaded chicken. Throw it all into the oven and bake until the chicken is crispy on the outside and cooked through on the inside (approx 1 hour).
Serve with GARLIC GOING ON MASHED POTATOES.
Leave a Comment » | IT’S ON!-TREES, poultry, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: baked, Baked cornflake fried chicken recipe, baked fried chicken, bang, batty, bird, bratty, butter, catty, chatty, church, cornflake fried chicken, cornflakes, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, egg, fatty, food, game changer, get laid, getting freaky, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthier, heathen, homemade, intercourse, Kellogg’s, kitchen, linoleum, low fat, milk, naked, pagan, parmesan, pepper, poultry, protein, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 27, 2009
Lick it before you stick it!
Agreed. They are addictive. Your first instinct is to run your tongue across them, indulging in as much essence as you can suck down. It’s like a smoking crack: you know better, but you do it anyway. You may not want to go on without it. You will have postpartum depression and experience nasty withdrawals that will alienate those you love. We’re talking about high-grade lower fat* shit here. The street value is ridiculous. That is how these good baked garlic fries can be. My advice is to get your date hooked. Turned them into your garlic fry crack whore. They will be under your spell and willing to do anything for their garlic fix. I mean ANYTHING. Be warned that garlic can be a smelly curse. But if ye both eat of the stinking rose, neither of ye shall recoil.
*Baked garlic fries are not low fat, just less fattening than the deep fried version.
Total time: approximately 50 minutes
Projected cost: $2
Drinking Buddy: Beer, preferably Belgium like Chimay or Leffe
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. 2 teaspoons of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of black pepper
4. 2 large potatoes
5. 4 cloves of garlic chopped finely
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Peel the potatoes, and then slice the potatoes lengthwise every ½ inch on one side, and then flip them 90 degrees and cut more ½ inch strips, thus creating fries.
Step 2
Throw the fries in a bowl and toss in the garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper and toss it together with your hands.
Step 3
Lay out the fries evenly along the baking sheet, leaving space between them. Bake them for approximately 40 minutes, flipping the fries halfway through cooking. The fries will be crisp and slightly browned. Dump them onto a plate with a paper towel and blot out the excess grease.
Serve on a platter with your favorite condom-ment!
Baked Garlic Fries are the Devil's plan
3 Comments | carboluscious, CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, french, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked, baked garlic fries, bang, black pepper, carbohydrates, carbs, crack, crack ho, crack whore, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, French fries, game changer, garlic, Garlic French fries recipe, garlic fries, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lickable, lower fat, naked, not fried, olive oil, potatoes, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, side dish, stinking rose, tasty, vegan, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients:
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 