March 27, 2016
Once you popper, you can’t stop her
Most North American sports bar patrons have consumed twice their weight in deep fried jalapeños poppers. Sure they are goddamn satisfying as the cheese stains your shirt, your team scores, and you toast with your third beer. Jalapeño poppers just aren’t sexy fried, period. Don’t even think about getting kinky with an order of twelve poppers with ranch on the side. But when you got ‘em baking, you can start shaking. Suddenly the crowd-pleasing appetizer is both edible and credible. The poppers are perfectly portable treat for tailgating, potlucks and the occasional swingers party. But if you want to CTB, serve your basketball fuck-buddy finger food. You are sure to score a touch down.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer, this is bar food
Ingredients:
1. 1/3 cup of flour
2. 1/3 cup of bread crumbs
3. 1 tablespoon of honey
4. 2 tablespoons of milk
5. ½ teaspoon of paprika
6. 3 ounces of cream cheese
7. 2 handfuls of shredded jack/mozzarella cheese
8. 1 egg
9. 5 jalapeños spilt lengthwise, stalks cut, seeds and veins removed
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Mix the cheeses with the honey and paprika. Spread enough of the cheese mixture to just fill the hollow jalapeños.
Step 2
Mix up the egg with the milk and paprika. Separate the flour, egg mixture, and breadcrumbs in separate bowls. Dip each cheesy jalapeño first in flour, then egg mixture, and finally breadcrumbs. Set out on a foil covered baking pan.
Step 3**
Shove the baking pan full of prepped jalapeños in the oven. Bake until the breading browns and the cheese begins to ooze out the side. (Approx 30 min) Now you’re good to serve it up on a platter with ranch or ketchup. Who’s the player now?
**This is the baking method. You could skip this step and deep fry it in oil. But frying isn’t sexy. Trust me!
3 Comments | 
FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, sports, vegetarian | Tagged: appetizer, baked, Baked jalapeño poppers recipe, bang, bar food, college basketball, cream cheese, delicious, easy, fancy, finger food, football, game changer, game watching, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, intercourse, jack cheese, jalapeño, jalapeño poppers, kitchen, march madness, mexican, naked, ncaa, not fried, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sports, tailgating | 
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Posted by cooktobang
March 23, 2016
A big pig ate figs down to my twig and berries.
I ain’t too proud to admit I’ve porked some sows in my day. Who of you can claim you never once compromising your standards in the pursuit of ass? That lone ranger stoically standing all alone on the hill can pat his/herself on the back. The rest of you know what I’m talking about. Like I said, these are not my proudest moments. But I believe in living life free of regret. So what if my friends taunted me mercilessly? There are photos floating somewhere out there of me in college dressed like Hugh Hefner sucking face with what was described to me as “an oompa loompa in a cheerleader costume”. It was Halloween, damnit! Jack Daniels was the bastard responsible. Thank goodness there are compromises like this pizza. It packs a wallop of flavor from the prosciutto and figs, but minimal carbs. Now you can have your pig, eat it too, and not be embarrassed to admit it your friends.
Total time: approximately 12 minutes
Projected cost: $9
Drinking Buddy: Red wine, sucka!
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 lavash flatbread
2. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
3. 1 slice prosciutto
4. 4 long slices Brie cheese
5. 4 FIGS sliced thinly
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
Step 1
Preheat oven to 350°F/175°C. Rub olive oil into the flatbread and scatter the green onion, figs, prosciutto, and Brie slices.
Step 2
Bake the pizza in the oven until the edges brown (approx 10 min). Remove from the oven and cut into 6-8 slices.
Serve up as FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY or as a warm up to some stunning ENTRÉE.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, fusion, healthy, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bake, baked, bang, banging, brie, calivirgin, cheerleader, college, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, Fig brie prosciutto flatbread pizza recipe, figgy piggy pizza, figs, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, flatbread pizza, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, hugh hefner, intercourse, jack daniels, kitchen, lavash flatbread, libido, lone ranger, low-carb, naked, olive oil, oompa loompa, pizza, pork, prosciutto, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sow, starter, tapas, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
January 27, 2016
You’re a artichoke heartbreaker, love-maker, bed-shaker!
Hear that high-pitched sound not unlike a champagne glass shattering against the wall? That’s a million hearts being broken by this ass-gettin’ APHRODISIAC appetizer. The hook is that it’s baked, not deep-fried, keeping those asses slimmer and more inclined to get down later. Don’t wallow in bloated oily malaise. Bake those hearts before you break more hearts. I figured this out when I brought a platter for a playoff party. The diehard fans were crushed by the loss, but they took solace with my healthy-ish finger food. One particularly devastated, but delicious female fan got an extra dose of comforting by the chef. Soon her sorrow over her team’s seasonal demise was overshadowed by the fact I didn’t call her again. I still feel bad, but my calendar is jam-packed for the next month with more hearts to break. Next! Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, artichoke, artichoke heartbreakers recipe, baked, baked artichoke hearts, bang, banging, baseball, breadcrumbs, breaded artichoke hearts, champagne, comfort, cooking spray, delicious, DIY, dodgers, easy, egg, fans, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, flour, food, game changer, garlic salt, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mayonnaise, mlb, naked, not fried, parmesan, phillies, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sun dried tomato, sun-dried tomato aioli, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 30, 2015
The plantain train is leaving the station with or without you!
All aboard! This party train is headed for your Caribbean culinary connection. Expect steel drums, tropical breezes and dreadlocks. When you aren’t shaking your booty to some live reggae, you can stuff your face with this CARBOLUSCIOUS treats. The banana’s larger, oven-friendly cousin will capture the island spirit. Baking it makes it a guilt-free snack or compliment to your ENTRÉE. Plantains are inexpensive, robust and totally awesome. Your date won’t expect such a delicious twist. Now do as Bob Marley commands and get with the kinky reggae now! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | CARBS WORKIN’ THE CORNER, Caribbean, healthy, RECIPES, spicy, summer, vegetarian, vietnamese | Tagged: all aboard, baked, baked plantain chip recipe, banana’s cousin, bang, banging, bob Marley, Cajun seasoning, carboluscious, Caribbean, delicious, DIY, dreadlocks, easy, finger food, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, guilt-free, healthy plantain chips, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, low fat, naked, olive oil, oven, plantain chip recipe, plantain party train, plantains, recipe, reggae, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, starter, steel drums, tasty, tropical breeze, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 9, 2015
Love me tender, Love me baked, They'll never tell you no!
So it’s game day. Are you ready for some football? Damn straight! Do you have your jersey? Check! Beer helmet? Mos def! The case of brewskies? You know it? The appetizer your friend asked you to bring for their Super Bowl party? Wait, what? You do know that the game starts in an hour, right? Oh, &$%#! Before you go postal on us, just know COOK TO BANG has a solution for you. This dish is simple enough for a syphilitic monkey to do and a guaranteed football crowd pleaser. You will inspire greatness in everyone attending who will then sing your praises, followed by a chorus of Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” Now that you have your theme song backing you up, turn your attention to that single hottie across the room. Walk right over, sit down next to them, and offer baked piece of heaven. Way to go, champ! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES, sports, Super bowl, winter | Tagged: baked, baked chicken tenders, bang, bread crumbs, breaded, breading, Cajun seasoning, chicken breasts, chicken nuggets recipe, Chicken tenders recipe, delicious, easy, finger food, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, football, game, game changer, game day, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthier, healthy, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, mayonnaise, naked, nfl, not fried, nugget, parmesan, party, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, snack, sports, Super bowl, tailgate, tailgating, tasty, tender, white meat, winter, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 26, 2015
Wango Tango Bango!
The tango is an Argentinean dance unparalleled in its complexity. Yet it is oh so much more than an awesome way to sweep someone off their feet in Buenos Aires. The seductive essence of tango runs deep in all things done with panache. You can tango on the tennis court, in the kitchen, and most decisively in the bedroom. Tango requires skill, passion and attitude unparalleled. But you are clearly clever enough since you are reading this. Pulling off a culinary seduction tango should be no more difficult than unsnapping a bra. So invite over the vivacious vegetarian, or vegan if you have the patience, or just someone sexy who likes fabulous food. Keep that rose in your teeth as you serenade them from the dining room to the bedroom. Bravo! Bravo! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, greek, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, Argentina, argentine, Argentinean, avocado, baked, bang, bra, bravo, Buenos Aires, cayenne pepper, cheddar cheese, cilantro, corn tortillas, dance, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, panache, paprika, pepper, recipe, salt, sauté, seduce, sex, spicy, tango, tasty, tofu, tofu taco recipe, Tofu taco tango, tomato onion, tomato paste, vegan, vegetable oil, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 3, 2015
Brie-lieve in yourself, and your date will believe any BS you tell them.
Your idea of fine wine and cheese may be a box of Franzia and cheese whiz on a Ritz. But that road will lead you down a date with your own reflection, or possibly your mom’s bridge club treasurer. You would be much better served taking a few minutes to razzle dazzle your sexy someone with some tricks of the oven. Serving Brie cheese screams out, “I am indeed sophisticated and quite possibly speak French…when I’m not freelancing as an art appraiser for the Royal Family that is.” I concocted this delight after seeing something similar dish at a dinner party. The chef responsible was forced to endure pointed questions about how and what from the cutest girl at the table. Naturally, I took note of both the chef in question’s game and his rock star recipe. Some tweaks were in order to turn it into kryptonite for the most frigid of lust interests. Walnuts make everything better, particularly when brown sugar caramelizes them into a dish heretofore unstoppable. If baked Brie served with bread and a bottle of cabernet won’t get the job done, I suggest a trip to the vet to get neutered.
Ingredients:
1. 1/8 stick of butter
2. 1 handful of crushed walnuts
3. 2 tablespoons of brown sugar
4. 5 thin slices of a pear
5. 1 pie piece of Brie cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Grease a baking pan with a little butter. Use the pear slices as a bed for the brie to sit on top of. Use the rest of the butter and spread over the brie. Spread the brown sugar evenly over the brie/butter. Finally crown it all with the walnuts like the royalty that it is.
Step 2
Throw your culinary creation into the oven and bake for 30 minutes. The brown sugar will be caramelized and the cheese supple as a Vestal Virgin. Serve on plate with slices of French bread or crackers and let the wanton lust take control of the mighty impressed object of your affection.
1 Comment | FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, baked, baked brie, brown sugar, caramelized, cheese, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, pear, simple, sliced French bread, walnuts | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
October 20, 2014
Let’s play a little game called Just the Stuffed Mushroom Tip.
That’s how it all starts. An innocent maiden voyage evolves into an exploration deep into the unknown. Justify it any way you want to. We can pretend it’s a game. Start with the tip and see how it feels. If it’s no bueno, fair enough. But then again, we’ve already gone this far. What’s a few more steps into the abyss? I mean the collateral damage has already been sustained. So why not enjoy it for what it’s worth? We can write it off as youthful indiscretion. An official OOPSIE! Let’s blame the extra bottle of wine. We both should have known better. But we’re all adults and mature enough to move on. I’m glad we had this discussion. I feel better. Don’t you? Oh by the way, have you tried these killer stuffed mushrooms? Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, french, RECIPES, southern | Tagged: aphrodisiac, appetizer, bacon, baked, bang, breadcrumbs, brie cheese, collateral damage, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, finger food, food, fungus, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, honey, hors d'oeuvres, intercourse, just the tip in, kitchen, maiden voyage, mushroom, naked, oopsie, passed appetizer, quick, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, simple, spinach, Spinach bacon stuffed mushroom caps recipe, stuffed mushrooms, tasty, youthful indiscretion, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 15, 2014
Get hungry, then get stuffed!
Sometimes you just need to do some stuffing. You have those sexy bits laying around waiting for some action satisfaction. Who are you not to play those kinky reindeer games? Get with the program and get stuffed. The fun part is taking the random goodies and seeing what will fit. It’s a lot like object porn where they stuff foreign objects into small openings. Shocking? Yes. Intriguing? Sure. Delicious? Most definitely! The stuffing I created for this dish was from goodies lying around my fridge eager for their day in sun…found in my oven. This is your chance to blow a few minds and other parts of the body with your stunning creativity. So polenta some panties off and start stuffing! Read the rest of this entry »
4 Comments | RECIPES | Tagged: apple, apple polenta stuffed pepper recipe, baked, bang, banging, bell peppers, black pepper, broiled, cornmeal, dairy, delicious, DIY, easy, entree, food, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, mozzarella cheese, naked, nuts, object porn, olive oil, paprika, polenta, polenta stuffed bell pepper recipe, recipe, salt, seduce, sex, side dish, Stuffed bell pepper recipe, stuffed veggies, tasty, vegetarian, walnuts, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
September 30, 2013
You a pimp or a shrimp?
This recipe comes courtesy of Pete in Brooklyn, NY. Great title, great combination of things I love. Pete writes:
When that Portobello just won’t do as its told, shrimp slap it. Yank at it, scrape it up, stuff it good and proper. There will be no more of that disrespecting your taste buds. You will get yours with this recipe. If you fail with this dish, you fail at living the good life. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, contests, fusion, IT’S ON!-TREES, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, thai | Tagged: aphrodisiac, baked, bang, banging, Brooklyn, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fusion, game changer, get laid, gills, gourmet, green onions, guarantee, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, ny, nyc, olive oil, pimp slap, Portobello mushrooms, raw shrimp, recipe, scrape, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shellfish, shower, shrimp slap the portobell-ho, shrimp stuffed Portobello mushrooms recipe, shrooms, spicy, Sriracha Hot CHILI Sauce, stuff, taste buds, tasty, thai, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients:
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 