THEIR LOSS GRILLED SQUASH

June 26, 2013
Rejection is merely a learning opportunity so you can pull hotter ass later.

Rejection is merely a learning opportunity so you can pull hotter ass later.

The way I look at it, anyone foolish enough to turn me down for sex is only punishing themselves.  They will spend the rest of their lives wondering “what if?” while hearing field reports from their friends and family members how amazing I am in the kitchen and sack.  No hard feelings on my end.  Their loss is another girl’s gain. I (you) will bang plenty of strange over the course of my (your) cooking and banging career.  Instead of kicking a can down the street in humiliation, I laugh off rejection and learn from my mistakes.  Perhaps I was too pushy, not pushy enough, wasn’t wearing nice enough shoes, or perhaps my devastating good looks and devilish charm brought our their insecurities.  Whatever the case may be, I adjust my approach as needed for the next date who understands how idiotic turning me down would be. The same rules apply with these squash I picked up from the farmer market along with a girl shopping for fresh berries.  We combined our wares in more ways than one.  Neither of lost because we seized the goddamn day! Read the rest of this entry »


CSA PDA

November 4, 2009

csa box closed open

Your box of tasty wet dreams awaits!

Community Supported Agriculture boxes make all my cooking and banging possible.  More importantly, it makes it affordable.  This is in no ways sponsored.  Payola is not going on, although to tell you the truth, selling out so I can fill a hot tub full of vodka-infused Jell-O sounds pretty good right about now.  I just want to get the word out to all you food lovers looking to avoid auctioning off your organs to afford shopping at Whole Foods.  That place is a food strip club with a “don’t touch the girls” vibe.  I’ve dropped more ducats in that store than I have on strippers, booze and other illicit contraband combined.  As a food whore, it was totally worth it.  But I’ve found an alternative:

http://www.localharvest.org/csa/

I pay online ahead of time for a magical box that gets delivered to my local market.  When I pick it up and take it home, I act like a giddy 80’s schoolgirl who finally got her autographed New Kids on the Block poster.  What’s in the box varies week to week and never disappoints.  It’s all local organic, seasonal, top-shelf produce that challenges me to create new recipes I throw on the site.  Creating up with 5 new recipes every week can be= challenging.  Luckily the CSA box makes decisions for me.  I dropped $15 on this box and here’s what I found in it:

csa box contents1. 1 pumpkin
2. 1 spaghetti squash
3. 2 eggplants
4. 1 cilantro bunch
5. 1 BASIL bunch
6. 1 kale bunch
7. 1 chard bunch
8. 3 petit pan squash
9. 2 summer squash
10. 2 yellow squash
11. 4 globe squash
12. 2 zucchini
13. 1 BEET bunch
14. 1 sugar snap pea pile

Your kidney and half your liver would be allocated to a wealthy Swiss industrialist if you bought the same goods at Whole Foods.  But now you have a heap of amazing produce to turn into magnificent meals to seduce any number of sexy prospects.  You’re already saving cash not taking your dates to restaurants. Imagine how much more you could save and then spend on booze and lube!

Below are some COOK TO BANG recipes directly inspired by what I found in this Foodie’s Pandora Box:

BEET YOUR MEAT SALAD

INHALE MY KALE

NEVER A BORSCHT IN THE SACK

NEVER FAIL KALE BREAKFAST

MO-ROCKIN’ MOROCCAN POTATO SALAD

PIMPIN’ PUMPKIN SOUP

SPAGHETTI SQUASH NUDEY NOODLES

SQUASH KE-BANGS

SQUISHY SQUASHY CASSEROLE

THEIR LOSS GRILLED SQUASH

TWICE BANGED POTATOES

UNDRESS YO PESTO

VIAGRA-MELON PORNSICLES

VIAGRA-MELON SOUP

WILD & WETTY SQUASH SPAGHETTI

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