September 21, 2015
Shrimping and pimping and bed sheet crimping
It’s time to apply the philosophy of MTV’s Pimp My Ride to your dinner. Say you have a taco recipe that is so-so. Your tacos will feed hungry people, but chances are no one you’ve served them to have torn off their clothes to show their appreciation. That is a damn shame Cook To Bang will rectify. We’re taking a simple taco recipe, supping it up with aphrodisiac-laden flavor, and letting that shit ride across your plates then down your gullets faster than you can say, “I’ll get some protection.” I learned a similar recipe while acting a fool in Baja California chasing senoritas while downing margaritas. These tacos sure made my beach side dalliances more enjoyable. I smuggled the recipe across the border along with some fireworks and KABOOM! Pleasant pimpin’. Read the rest of this entry »
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aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, fusion, healthy, IT’S ON!-TREES, mexican, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, avocado, Baja California, bang, banging, bbq, beachside, black pepper, cabbage, corn tortillas, cumin, delicious, DIY, easy, fireworks, food, fusion, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grill, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kaboom, kitchen, libido, margarita, mexican, mexico, mtv, naked, oregano, pimp my ride, pimp my shrimp taco recipe, protection, recipe, salsa, salt, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, senoritas, sex, shrimp, shrimp taco recipe, smuggle, taco, tasty, yummy | 
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Posted by cooktobang
September 4, 2015
Order in the court! Allow me to retort...
That Ben Dover better bend over for what he’s done. Corporal punishment is the only fitting penance for the food slurs he committed. He tarnished his soul with this Dover sole. The bastard though that he could make a fish marinade out of blueberries, New Mexico chilies and coconut milk. Ha! How could a strange commingling of flavors like that taste anything but weird? Clearly he must know the consequences of his reckless cooking. Granted, I haven’t tasted his culinary cancer, but it has to be awful. Right? Fine, if you insist I don’t try him in the kangaroo court I call my garage, I will try a bite. <takes bite, chews> You see! It’s guilt…glorious! <touching self> The delicate blueberry taste dances with the New Mexico chili wolves and cools down with a river of soothing coconut milk. <does cartwheel> I hereby dismiss this case. Ben Dover deserves a commendation for his culinary bravery. Ladies of the court, please try a bite of this food pioneer’s masterpiece and meet me in the judge’s chambers! Read the rest of this entry »
8 Comments | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, atkins, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, mexican, RECIPES, seafood, spicy, summer | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, blueberries, blueberry chili marinade, coconut milk, corporal punishment, court, delicious, DIY, Dover sole, easy, food, food slur, game changer, garage, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled Dover sole recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, judge, jury, kangaroo court, kitchen, libido, marinade, masterpiece, naked, new Mexico chilies, recipe, seafood, seduce, SEDUCTION, sesame seeds olive oil, sex, spicy, sweet spicy Dover sole, tasty, trial, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 31, 2015
You're just grillin', like Bob Dylan!
This grilled chicken salad has all the fixings that will help you get that fix. Been hard up for some attention of the leisurely kind? Fret no more that you will die celibate and alone in a shack made of cow dung deep in the wilderness. This salad should help you get back on your feet and banging once more. Just step back and allow the grilled chicken to open up the flavor in this uber-healthy salad. You can lure whichever conquest you have your heart set on with promised of a high protein, low calorie waltz on their tongue. It’s an easy dish to play off like you threw it together without so much as a second thought. You can leave the impression that this is how you always eat because you are that awesome and nonchalant. Now you’ll have plenty of time to wow the shit out of your date with other impressive qualities like the ability to read palms, take out flies with a blowgun, and give someone an orgasm from across the room. Go and get them…at your leisure. Read the rest of this entry »
5 Comments | aphrodisiac, fusion, healthy, mexican, RECIPES | Tagged: apple, avocado, bang, barbecue, bbq, chicken, cilantro, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fiber, game changer, get laid, gourmet, green onion, greens, grill, grilled chicken, Grilled chicken salad recipe, guarantee, healthy salad, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lettuce, limejuice, low calorie, mexican, mexico, mix, naked, olive oil, recipe, roughage, salsa, seduce, sex, simple, soy sauce, tasty, tomato, toss, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 17, 2015
The broc shall defrock!
This recipe comes courtesy of James in Portland, OR. Here’s to starting off the summer right with a unique summer grill recipe! James writes:
Something about those summer thrills gives me the chills. Sure you’re sweating your balls off and stuffing your face with something hot. But this recipe is so damn cool it makes you feel all refreshed because it’s still healthy and damn tasty! My mama always told me broccoli would make me live forever. Who know if that is true? One thing I can say with certainty, I’m gonna Cook To Bang forever! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, contests, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, RECIPES, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, bbq broccoli, broccoli head, chills, delicious, DIY, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled thrills broccoli, grillin' like a villain, ground pepper, guarantee, healthy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon vegan, libido, naked, olive oil, Oregon, pine nuts, Portland, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, summer, tasty, tinfoil, vegetarian, yum, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 10, 2015
Careful, for this is one sharp swordsman of the sea.
Alas, there is no escaping your fate. We shall duel at dawn’s first light. You wrote your destiny when you insulted my honor. By not partaking in the fine FINGER FOOD I prepared, nor acquiescing to my subtle seductions, I am forced to take things a might bit further. So I have upped the ante of our rendezvous with an unstoppable thrust of nature. This wicked weapon will pierce thy heart and expose thy loins. There is nothing thou can do to hold me back from my urge for triumphant trolloping. And to think my foes presume this dish to be anything but simple sensational seduction. En garde, I say! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, RECIPES, seafood, summer | Tagged: aprhodisiac, bang, bbq, chives, cracked pepper, delicious, DIY, duel, easy, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, Grilled swordfish recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, herbs, homemade, impale, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, lemon swordfish, libido, loins, marinate, naked, ocean, olive oil, recipe, salt, sea, seafood, seduce, sex, sword, swordfish, tasty, weapon, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 4, 2015
Turkey turns ’em on, then turns ’em out. Yeow!
Hamburgers are not normally considered sexy, but they are a damn tasty staple of the American diet. Turkey meat however is leaner, meaner and greener. The protein does you right plus there’s less fat and twice the flavor when cooked right. My thanks go out to the Native Americans for turning the Pilgrims onto this precious bird (sorry about taking your land and all). The fire charring the meat empowers the caveman in every male chef. The lady chef or date can enjoy this tasty piece of the American dream and not worry about the dish going straight to her thighs. When you bit into the center and find the goat cheese goodness, a choir of angels with trumpets shall inspire a tryst of the kinkiest order. I tried a similar dish at a bourgeois New York restaurant priced somewhere upwards of $25. The bill hurt my wallet, but my palette was well satisfied and my brain full of inspiration. This summertime dish always leads to good times and enough erotic memories to last me through winter. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, dairy, fusion, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: avocado, bang, bbq, burger, delicious, fire, food, goat cheese, gourmet, gourmet turkey burger, grill, grillin' like a villain, hamburger buns, healthy, hot, love, lust, manly, masculine, onion, recipe, romance, sandwich, scallion, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, simple, tomato, turkey | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
July 3, 2015
American produce, love it or grill it!
America, fuck yeah! Can you feel the patriotism emanating off the computer screen and making your heart beet to the Star Spangled Banner. Even if you aren’t a tea-partying real patriot, you gotta love your country right about now. And if you don’t, God shall smite thee with ten billion pounds of fireworks. In all seriousness folks, I’m not denigrating diversity. But I will be drinking heavily, grilling gleefully, and fornicating under a gun-powdered scented sky. Here’s to a healthy holiday full of American excess. Another beet from the grill? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, dairy, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, holidays, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: 4th of july, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, bbq, bbq beets recipe, beets, calivirgin, delicious, DIY, easy, fireworks, food, game changer, get laid, glenn beck, goat cheese, gourmet, grill, grilled beets recipe, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, libido, naked, olive oil, patriotism, recipe, red white and beets recipe, sea salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, star spangled banner, summer, tasty, tea partying, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 26, 2015
Beer Can Chicken got a whole lot easier.
Behold: simplified beer can chicken for 2. Sure you could go the badass route of stuffing a whole chicken with a leaking beer can, but that is both labor intensive and way too much food. This little ditty is perfect for a summer evening date outdoors. The object is to stay outside for the course of the evening. That means banging under the stars. Make like your primitive ancestors who never heard of the concept of shame or waiting until marriage. For those hairy bastards it was all banging all the time. Use the beer marinade as an excuse for your barbaric behavior. “It was the booze flavored meat that made me strip down to a fur loincloth, club you and drag you by the hair into my cave!” Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, healthy, poultry, RECIPES, summer | Tagged: ancestors, aphrodisiac, bang, banging, barbecue, barbecue rub, bastards, bbq, bbq rub, beer, beer can chicken for 2, beer can chicken recipe, booze, caveman, chicken breasts, chicken out your beer cans recipe, coals, delicious, DIY, easy, fast, fire, food, game changer, get laid, gourmet, grill, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, hairy, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, loincloth, marinade, marriage, naked, outdoors, primitive, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, shame, summer, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 12, 2015
Grilled Nectarines reign supreme in the BBQ scene.
This is as close as you can get to grilling up sex appeal. Most grilling consists of men cooking meat for the pleasure of other men. That’s not gay. Right? But this little side dish/DESSERT breaks all the machismo boundaries and labels associated with backyard barbecues. You have the fire for the cavemen, the fruity fun for the ladies, and the sweetness for the kid in all of us. Plus these nectarines are so simple to make that you could develop quantum physic formulas simultaneously. You are running out of excuses not to make these sweet satisfactions for someone your sweet on. Best get down to the produce aisle then. Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, southern, summer, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: backyard barbecue, bang, banging, barbecue, bbq, brown sugar, butter, caveman, cavemen, cinnamon, coals, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, fast, fire, food, game changer, gay, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled fruit, grilled nectarine recipe, grilled sextarines recipe, grillin' like a villain, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, kitchen, libido, machismo, naked, nectarine, quantum physics, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, sex appeal, side dish, summer, tasty, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
June 5, 2015
Alaskan halibut is sexier than Sarah Palin marinaded in contradiction
Welcome to the big time, my friends. This dish is intended for someone rather special because halibut ain’t cheap and it takes a while to prepare. But you can’t put a price on edible orgasms, at least not legally outside of Amsterdam. Your date will be so impressed by this outstanding piece of seafood that you will need a crowbar to pry them off of you. If they are not thoroughly blown away by your cooking prowess than they are most likely a cyborg from the future sent to kill you before you sire the rebel leader a la John Connor. This is actually a great litmus test that could very well save humanity. But I digress. The point is this dish will set your date’s mouth and loins ablaze with passion. The first time I prepared this dish, I received countless e-mails from my date’s friends who I did not know asking me for the recipe. Only a fool would simply hand over a recipe (case in point). Instead I offered the cute ones private tutorials. To the Alaskan halibut fisherman, I owe you a beer or ten! Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, GRILLIN’ LIKE A VILLAIN, RECIPES, seafood | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, basil, bbq, black pepper, brown sugar, delicious, dijon mustard, easy, fish, game changer, garlic, get laid, gourmet, grill, grilled halibut, grillin' like a villain, halibut, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, main course. Sarah Palin, marinade, naked, romance, seafood, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, soy sauce, tarragon, Worcestershire sauce | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 