November 9, 2009
Squash all resistance to your charms!
Some knucklehead who probably hasn’t seen a naked woman since his subscription to National Geographic ran out told me squash ain’t sexy. Granted it doesn’t pack the same luscious sex appeal as an oyster or fig, but damnit, squash has gotten me laid plenty of times. Squash is the perfect fall ingredient to prep you for the cold winter that lies ahead. They are inexpensive, tasty and versatile as a bisexual Cirque du Soleil performer. My problem is that I keep going back to my classic squash dishes. But you gotta break out of routine, no matter how awesome that routine might be, if you hope to attain glory. This little Frankenstein’s monster brought honor to my family; my reputation as a lady-slayer stands untarnished. It was spicy, sweet and comforting all at the same time. My one caution is that this side dish very well may outclass the rest of your meal. So cook with bravado!
Total time: approximately 8 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Hot Cider with a splash of bourbon
Ingredients (serves 4):
1. 1 apple
2. 2 dashes CAYENNE PEPPER
3. 1 dash salt
4. 2 dashes cinnamon
5. 2 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
6. 3 petit pan squash
7. 4 globe squash
8. 2 large handfuls shredded mozzarella
9. 3 garlic cloves sliced thinly
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F/175°C. Slice the ends off the globe squash and cut into thin rounds. Do the same for the petit pan squash. Toss the squash with the garlic, olive oil, cayenne pepper and salt. Lay them out in a large flat baking pan.
Step 2
Core and slice up the apple into thin slices. Lay them evenly over the squash and season with cinnamon. Scatter the cheese across evenly and you’re ready to rumble.
Step 3
Throw the casserole in the oven and bake until the apples and squash soften, and the cheese melts (approx 30 min).
Serve as a kickass side to any number of outstanding ENTRÉES. You could eat it solo, it’s that good.
1 Comment | 
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Posted by cooktobang
November 4, 2009
Your box of tasty wet dreams awaits!
Community Supported Agriculture boxes make all my cooking and banging possible. More importantly, it makes it affordable. This is in no ways sponsored. Payola is not going on, although to tell you the truth, selling out so I can fill a hot tub full of vodka-infused Jell-O sounds pretty good right about now. I just want to get the word out to all you food lovers looking to avoid auctioning off your organs to afford shopping at Whole Foods. That place is a food strip club with a “don’t touch the girls” vibe. I’ve dropped more ducats in that store than I have on strippers, booze and other illicit contraband combined. As a food whore, it was totally worth it. But I’ve found an alternative:
http://www.localharvest.org/csa/
I pay online ahead of time for a magical box that gets delivered to my local market. When I pick it up and take it home, I act like a giddy 80’s schoolgirl who finally got her autographed New Kids on the Block poster. What’s in the box varies week to week and never disappoints. It’s all local organic, seasonal, top-shelf produce that challenges me to create new recipes I throw on the site. Creating up with 5 new recipes every week can be= challenging. Luckily the CSA box makes decisions for me. I dropped $15 on this box and here’s what I found in it:
1. 1 pumpkin
2. 1 spaghetti squash
3. 2 eggplants
4. 1 cilantro bunch
5. 1 BASIL bunch
6. 1 kale bunch
7. 1 chard bunch
8. 3 petit pan squash
9. 2 summer squash
10. 2 yellow squash
11. 4 globe squash
12. 2 zucchini
13. 1 BEET bunch
14. 1 sugar snap pea pile
Your kidney and half your liver would be allocated to a wealthy Swiss industrialist if you bought the same goods at Whole Foods. But now you have a heap of amazing produce to turn into magnificent meals to seduce any number of sexy prospects. You’re already saving cash not taking your dates to restaurants. Imagine how much more you could save and then spend on booze and lube!
Below are some COOK TO BANG recipes directly inspired by what I found in this Foodie’s Pandora Box:
Leave a Comment » | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, healthy, hippie, holidays, LEAFY & LOVELY, SEDUCTION, summer, vegan, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bang, banging, basil, beet, box, challenge, chard, cheap, cilantro, community supported agriculture, CSA, csa box, delicious, DIY, drug dealer, easy, eggplant, food, food whore, game changer, get laid, globe squash, gourmet, guarantee, homemade, hot tub, industrialist, intercourse, Jell-O, kale, kidney, kitchen, libido, local, naked, organic, petit pan squash, produce, pumpkin, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, spaghetti squash, strip club, sugar snap pea, summer squash, surprise, swiss, tasty, top-shelf, vodka, whole foods, yellow squash, yummy, zucchini | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 4, 2009
Squish squash, let's get sauced!
This side dish is soft to the touch, yet crunchy in all the right places. As described, this does not sound like the hard-body of summer vegetable concoctions. But this dish could help you get that hard beach body all the cool kids seem to be having these days. This casserole is light, full of flavor and pack a wallop of flavor-filled fungasms. This particular dish was an experiment in how to cook summer squash besides on the grill. A tough act to follow. It provided great company for the grilled chicken I served to this annoying date. The date was a bust, but luckily I got my jollies from this casserole. The silver lining never tasted so good.
Total time: approximately 55 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Nice cold beer or white wine
Ingredients:
1. 1 tbsp breadcrumbs
2. 2 tbsp olive oil
3. 1 dash paprika
4. 1 dash salt
5. 1 onion chopped coarsely
6. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
7. 4 globe squash
8. 2-ounces goat cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a baking pan or deep wide pie-pan with olive oil. Chop the squash into ½ inch rounds. Line the pan with a layer of squash rounds, throw the onions over and crown with half of the goat cheese. Set down another layer, use the rest of the goat cheese and crown with green onions. Pour the remaining olive oil, season with paprika and salt, and evenly distribute the breadcrumbs over the top.
Step 2
Throw the squash in the oven and bake until the veggies soften and the top browns (approx 45 min). Serve up on plates as a lunch or to compliment an ENTRÉE.
2 Comments | healthy, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, summer, vegetarian | Tagged: bake, baked squash, bang, banging, breadcrumbs, delicious, DIY, easy, food, fungasm, game changer, get laid, globe squash, globe squash casserole recipe, goat cheese, gourmet, green onion, guarantee, healthy, homemade, intercourse, kitchen, libido, naked, olive oil, onion, paprika, recipe, salt, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, side dish, squishy squashy casserole recipe, summer, tasty, vegetables, vegetarian, veggies, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves 4):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 