January 27, 2009
One good choke deserves another
Hey, you there! Halt! Step away from the chicken. It didn’t do you no wrong. I can speak as a character witness for the fowl. He ain’t a bad bird. The guy is just a feathered freak doing his thing. There is nothing shameful in doing your thing. Besides, why settle for a night in pummeling that innocent mound when you can be out there getting someone else to choke that bad boy? Trust me when I say both you and your chicken will both be better off for it. Which brings me to this pure unadulterated APHRODISIAC bomb. You are eating a 98.5% payload of vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals to fuel the evening’s cardiovascular requirements. And if that wasn’t enough for you, at no additionally cost, we’ll also throw in an extra kick of sexy time explosion with the spicy aioli to give you a head start in the hot and sweaty department. We here at COOK TO BANG standby our warranty. If you don’t like it, you can return it. We’re THAT confident in our product. Happy munching.
Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: White wine is a classy touch, especially something dry like Chardonnay
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
2. 1/2 teaspoon of salt
3. 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
4. 1 large artichoke
5. 1 lemon cut in half
6. ½ a dried chipotle pepper
7. 1 clove of garlic chopped finely
Step 1
Steam the artichokes on high heat until the artichoke opens up and you can pull out the leaves with ease (approx 35-45 minutes). While they steam, make the sauce in Step 2. When the artichokes are steaming with APHRODISIAC loaded goodness, cut them down the middle slowly. Use a spoon to scoop out the very center where the wispy flowery pieces nest, leaving the artichoke heart intact (the dish’s G spot). Set them on a plate and squeeze one of the lemon halves into open artichoke.
Step 2
Cut up the dried chipotle chili finely. Mix it together with garlic, ½ a lemon, mayonnaise, salt, and cayenne pepper. Refrigerate until the artichoke and your date are ready to rumble.
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Posted by cooktobang
January 5, 2009
- Sesame equals sex-to-me
So you’re game for a healthy aphrodisiac that is fast, easy and aesthetically pleasing? Look no further than this fine sesame asparagus recipe. Not only do you have the natural Viagra benefits of the asparagus, but the sweet, sticky honey will ramp up your date’s libido. You might score extra points for the dish being vegetarian and amazingly nutritional, as all aphrodisiacs are. Duh! This side dish will legitimize even the most pathetic attempts at an entrée because it is so damn pretty. Did I mention it was tasty too? The Chinese know what they were doing. My first dance with sesame asparagus happened during a trip to Hong Kong. I was eating at an upscale eatery in Kowloon overlooking the Hong Kong cityscape exploding in choreographed colors. The real lightshow was going on in my mouth, which eventually set my feet dancing like the white devil maniac that I am. Luckily I found a kind local girl to correct my foolish ways and show me around the city, including the magnificent view from her bedroom.
Total time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Depends on what entrée you serve with it, CTB recommends a smooth red wine
Ingredients:
1. 2 tablespoons of dried sesame seeds
2. 1 tablespoon of soy sauce
3. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
4. 1 tablespoon of honey
5. 1 pound of fresh asparagus
6. ½ a lemon worth of juice
Step 1
Mix the soy sauce, olive oil, honey and lemon into a sticky sauce that would glisten in the noonday sun.
Step 2
Steam the asparagus until you can easily pierce them with a fork (approx 5 minutes). Toss the steamed asparagus with the sauce. Place the drenched asparagus in a baking pan with room between each stalk. Sprinkle the sesame seeds evenly over the asparagus.
Step 3
Set the oven to a high broil. Throw the baking sheet with asparagus on the highest rack. Allow the sesame seeds to toast and stick firmly to the asparagus stalks. (Approx 6 minutes) Serve each stalk carefully by grabbing them with tongs to avoid messing up the sesame seeds. Presentation is important.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, asian, Chinese, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES, vegetarian | Tagged: aphrodisiac, asian, asparagus, bang, broil, Chinese, delicious, easy, fancy, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, healthy, honey, intercourse, kitchen, lemon juice, naked, olive oil, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sesame, sesame asparagus, Sesame asparagus recipe, sex, side dish, soy sauce, steam, tasty, toss, vegetarian | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 20, 2008
Simple and seductive? You can't beat a beet salad.
A naysayer might claim that beets are a boring vegetable on par with brussel sprouts or kale. Punch this ignoramus in the face because they are clearly ignorant to just how goddamn sexy beets can be. First, beets are an aphrodisiac used since Roman times to increase male virility due to the high boron content. “Take favors in the beetroot fields” was a popular early 20th Century euphemism for visiting prostitutes. Happy ending history aside, beets are amazing for your circulatory system and freshen your breath, which comes in handy for horny people with heart problems and halitosis. But they also taste amazing and with the right combination of foods become an unstoppable force at motivating hanky panky. Goat cheese and beets together form an alliance on par with Hall and Oates or Siegfried and Roy (minus the tiger mauling). They are your friends and allies when it comes to the horizontal mambo. Beet salad is a classy choice for a first date because it’s neither expensive nor expected. It’s refreshing, invigorating and will cue you up for some felating. Combining the salad with a bottle of wine will equate to a sublime time oh so divine.
Ingredients (for two):
1. 1 pear sliced long ways
2. 8 ounces of goat cheese cut into rounds
3. 2 steamed, peeled beets cut into rounds
Step 1
Steam or boil beets until a fork can easily be stabbed through them. Throw the beets into a container filled with ice-cold water and allow them to cool in the fridge for 30 minutes or so. The skin should easily peel off. Cut the beets into rounds.
Step 2
Create stacks of the holy trinity, sandwiching the goat cheese between the beets and pears. Cover them in balsamic vinegar and olive oil and serve. Two or three per plate should suffice for a spectacular starter or a healthy lunch before an afternoon quickie.
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, balsamic vinegar, bang, beet, Beet salad, blood, circulatory system, delicious, easy, game changer, get laid, goat cheese, gourmet, healthy, kitchen, naked, pear, romance, salad, SEDUCTION, sex, simple | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 4, 2008
Caprese them up against the mattress
Insalata caprese is the quintessential simple Italian salad. Stacks of tomatoes, cheese and basil make for quite the sexy threesome. Each flavor is in perfect harmony, never getting jealous that one is getting more attention because they are all so damn fine. The tang of the tomato, soothing taste of mozzarella, and the earthy basil twist = KISS THE COOK. That’s what makes this classic clever. Picky dates looking for a reason to leave you taking a cold shower can’t say no to something so seductively simple. Just ask Stephen Hawking. He’d tell you it’s against the laws of astrophysics. You can’t argue with science, nor can you argue with this desirable salad. One way or another, you won’t be sleeping alone. Bear in mind a human body tends to be more comfortable to spoon with.
Ingredients:
1. 2 buffalo mozzarella balls cut into 1 inch thick slices
2. fresh whole basil leaves
3. 2 tomatoes cut into 1 inch slices
4. 1 tablespoon of balsamic vinegar
5. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
Step 1
Stack the tomato, mozzarella and basil, like you stack the card deck cheating at poker. Same principle, but one is way tastier and slightly more honest.
Step 2
Serve up your insalata caprese on a plate and drizzle with the desired amount of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Serve solo, with bread, or with a little serenade.
Variations:
• Substitute tomatoes with roasted red or yellow peppers
• For a creamier, more foux de fa fa version, use burrata cheese
Leave a Comment » | LEAFY & LOVELY, RECIPES | Tagged: balsalmic vinegar, basil, caprese, drizzle, LEAFY & LOVELY, mozarella, quick, salad, simple, stacked, tomato | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Ingredients (serves 2):
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 