December 21, 2015
Put down the crackberry.  Try the Chipotle Blackberry.
Put down the crackberry. Try the Chipotle Blackberry.

So now you’re down to the wire now.  You blew all your cash on gifts for the family and forgot about that certain someone who’s been keeping your bed warm at night. Whoops! Soon you will be going your separate ways giving each of you time to think and reflect.  This could be a very bad thing if you leave on a inconsiderate cheapskate note.  Giving them nothing likely will result in not getting some for a while if not ever.  Considering the holiday rush at the stores for anything worth a damn, why not skip all that noise?  Save time and money by getting DIY with some jarring, player.  HOLY BLACKBERRY CHIPOTLE SAUCE offers an aphrodisiac double threat with the chipotle chili kick and blackberry antioxidant money shot.  It’s spicy, it’s sweet, it’s versatile.  Spread it on a sandwich, marinate meat and fish and grill, turn it into a sexy salad dressing with some vinegar.  Hand all your special someones a jar to remember you by, with luck a part of you will be in their mouth even months later (if you pressure seal the jars).  Let jarring begin!

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August 14, 2013
making out on your bed.

Holy mole, Batman! You got Cat Woman and Poison Ivy right where you want them: making out on your bed.

I hope you’re not too busy because your calendar is about to get busy. Learn to make this dish right and you won’t be lacking in dinner dates for a long time. Meet the enchanting Mexican mole. The chili/chocolate APHRODISIAC double play rides backseat to the powerful array of flavors rocking this dish. The Aztec, Italian, Spanish and Mexican cultures together inspired what became a literal melting pot of delicious cuisine. Chicken will never be the same after you bake it in what is in essence spicy chocolate sauce. Mole has warmed up my winter turning my street cred platinum. I have hotties I barely know inquiring via facebook when I’ll make them say “Holy mole!” Soon. Very soon. Read the rest of this entry »


January 27, 2009
One good choke deserves another

One good choke deserves another

Hey, you there!  Halt!  Step away from the chicken.  It didn’t do you no wrong.  I can speak as a character witness for the fowl.  He ain’t a bad bird.  The guy is just a feathered freak doing his thing.  There is nothing shameful in doing your thing.  Besides, why settle for a night in pummeling that innocent mound when you can be out there getting someone else to choke that bad boy?  Trust me when I say both you and your chicken will both be better off for it.  Which brings me to this pure unadulterated APHRODISIAC bomb.  You are eating a 98.5% payload of vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals to fuel the evening’s cardiovascular requirements.  And if that wasn’t enough for you, at no additionally cost, we’ll also throw in an extra kick of sexy time explosion with the spicy aioli to give you a head start in the hot and sweaty department.  We here at COOK TO BANG standby our warranty.  If you don’t like it, you can return it.  We’re THAT confident in our product.  Happy munching.

Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: White wine is a classy touch, especially something dry like Chardonnay

steamed-artichoke-prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
2. 1/2 teaspoon of salt
3. 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise
4. 1 large artichoke
5. 1 lemon cut in half
6. ½ a dried chipotle pepper
7. 1 clove of garlic chopped finely

Step 1
Steam the artichokes on high heat until the artichoke opens up and you can pull out the leaves with ease (approx 35-45 minutes).  While they steam, make the sauce in Step 2.  When the artichokes are steaming with APHRODISIAC loaded goodness, cut them down the middle slowly.  Use a spoon to scoop out the very center where the wispy flowery pieces nest, leaving the artichoke heart intact (the dish’s G spot).  Set them on a plate and squeeze one of the lemon halves into open artichoke.


Step 2
Cut up the dried chipotle chili finely.  Mix it together with garlic, ½ a lemon, mayonnaise, salt, and cayenne pepper.  Refrigerate until the artichoke and your date are ready to rumble.


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