KIWI BE JAMMING

November 8, 2010
You jam straight I want to bang some more

You jam straight I want to bang some more

So I admit freely that my knowledge of New Zealand is limited to the Lord of the Rings, Flight of the Conchords, and a family friend who renounced his Kiwi citizenship.  None of this was going to help the fact that I brazenly invited a cute New Zealand girl I met randomly at a bowling alley bar over for dinner.  She believed me when drunkenly I claimed that New Zealand cuisine had inspired my culinary palette.  So the gauntlet was thrown down for me to WOW this hopefully kinky kiwi.  All my research has turned up was in detail reports about the oppression of the Mauri people, which didn’t strike me as light dinner conversation.  So I just bought a bag of kiwi fruit and winged it.  After great debate with myself, and with timing running out before she showed up, I decided to make a jam of sorts.  I served it with bread, Brie cheese and a New Zealand wine.  This winning combination led to a winning combination of positions in the bedroom, invented by the same people that brought us bungee jumping.  After that night I vowed never to never confuse Kiwi and Aussie girls again.  They hate that. Read the rest of this entry »


WHY ASK WHY? FRY BREAKFAST

January 4, 2010

Why is not as important as when.

Quit with the questions already! I experiment with recipes sometimes to discover new and exciting methods to prepare banging food. Oftentimes I crash and burn with my noble attempts at cooking something groundbreaking. You have to stumble before you can walk; kiss before you bang. But there are times where I rock the living crap out of the ingredients I’m working for and then…BAM! It’s like being the first man to discover the clitoris. You always assumed there was something there, but it took some serious creative spelunking to get there. So that is what I offer you now. This is a little ditty made out of boredom for the standard breakfast fare. I knew there was some clever way to take the best parts of Middle Eastern and Western to create a fusion that all us infidels can enjoy. My date agreed after getting over her skepticism of the unfamiliar. She did not ask why I led her immediately back to bed after we were done eating. My perverted intent was implied.

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: MIMOSUCK IT

Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp vegetable oil
2. 3 dashes sea salt
3. 4 tomato slices
4. 1/2 onion sliced in strips
5. 2 eggs
6. 1/2 AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 1 small handful queso fresco (Mexican cheese)
8. 1/2 large pita (one pictured infused with thyme)

Step 1
Heat up the oil in a skillet. Throw in the onions and fry until they caramelize (approx 3 min). Fry up the tomatoes next, salting them and flipping once (approx 2 min). Finally make room in pan to fry up pita.

Step 2
Scoop the fried onions and tomato onto the pita. Crack the eggs in the space now available, salt them, and fry sunny side up (approx 3 min). Split the eggs in two and serve over each half of the pita. Surround the egg yolk with avocado like a halo and crumble some queso fresco on top.

Split the pita in two and serve them up on separate plates with BED & BREAKFAST POTATOES.

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