You gotta love appetizer and wine dates. Combine these perfect companions and the two of you will be combined soon enough. If one of you brings the wine and the other the appetizer, you’ll need to figure out who’s bringing the condoms. These miniature caprese salads on a stick are easy to make, easy to take on the go, plus you can hand feed each other. It doesn’t get more sensual and primitive than that. Who loves you? Read the rest of this entry »
Wine is without a doubt the sexiest of all drinks. It ages better than most humans and is good for your heart. The variety of flavors, aromas and textures titillate your senses in oh so many special ways. With wine comes wisdom. It never hurts to talk a good wine game. You can’t deny that the aroma can be tantalizing and the taste seductive. Don’t be surprised if you get the yearning to fuck the glass. Read the rest of this entry »
So I admit freely that my knowledge of New Zealand is limited to the Lord of the Rings, Flight of the Conchords, and a family friend who renounced his Kiwi citizenship. None of this was going to help the fact that I brazenly invited a cute New Zealand girl I met randomly at a bowling alley bar over for dinner. She believed me when drunkenly I claimed that New Zealand cuisine had inspired my culinary palette. So the gauntlet was thrown down for me to WOW this hopefully kinky kiwi. All my research has turned up was in detail reports about the oppression of the Mauri people, which didn’t strike me as light dinner conversation. So I just bought a bag of kiwi fruit and winged it. After great debate with myself, and with timing running out before she showed up, I decided to make a jam of sorts. I served it with bread, Brie cheese and a New Zealand wine. This winning combination led to a winning combination of positions in the bedroom, invented by the same people that brought us bungee jumping. After that night I vowed never to never confuse Kiwi and Aussie girls again. They hate that. Read the rest of this entry »
Cook to Bang is a proven science fact first discovered by Albert Einstein and the scientists from the Manhattan Project and finely tuned here. But it begs the question of what to do while you COOK in order to BANG. Tis a valid question. Cooking for a date should be like foreplay; the mental connection should evolve naturally into a physical one. It takes some delicate orchestrating to allow the chips to fall “naturally” into seduction. Your overall goal is clear, but play it off as if banging is the last thing on your mind. It’s best to appear as nonchalant and keep things fun and playful. Avoid contrived hookups because they usually end with an awkward kiss and an excuse about waking up early in the morning for a lobotomy. The best laid plans ring hollow and will be construed as purely manipulative. Rightly so. Let the night unfold naturally, but keep a few things in mind during your kinky conquests:
1. EYE CONTACT
Never underestimate the importance of looking someone in the eye while you talk. This keeps them engaged with you, plus makes you seem confident and secure in your cooking and prowess. Note to straight guys: avoid the temptation to ogle their cleavage. There will be plenty of time for that later.
A smile on your face will let your date know that you are genuinely enjoying their company. It reveals what a fun loving person you are and disarms any sense of discomfort. A smile is also infectious so even the crabbiest date will soon be grinning ear to ear, which is a good indicator of things to come.
3. PHYSICAL CONTACT
Be sure to engage in physical contact throughout the cooking and eating process, the subtler the better. A high five, stroke of their hair, or lower back caress early on breaks down the physical boundaries you can obliterate later on in the evening. You will have a good sense of where the night is going based purely on how you are greeted. A hug/kiss on the cheek is a good sign; a handshake or no contact at all likely means you’re probably spooning your pillow…if you’re lucky.
Clearly you’ll be quite busy creating an outstanding meal for your date. Now’s your chance to reveal just how interested you are in their life by asking pointed questions and listening intently. Much like a court of law, the less you say to incriminate yourself, the better your chance of success. This works in reverse too because you will have ammo about silly quirks or embarrassing stories from their past you can use to playfully tease them about.
Most of these suggestions fall under the category of flirting. But it is important to know where to draw the distinction between flirtation and sleazy cum ons. The ultimate goal is to create back and forth banter that will draw you two ever closer towards the inevitable kiss and beyond. Keep the conversation light and full of sexual innuendo, but avoid being pervy. There will be plenty of time to reveal what a scoundrel you are when the time is right.
6. BE FUNNY
You would be a fool to underestimate how much chemistry lies in humor. There’s a reason why pint-sized menches like Woody Allen and David Spade can attract the hottest women on the planet. Make them laugh and you can make the gasp. Be sure to tell jokes, stories, and anecdotes. Bonus points if they relate to cooking and food.
7. KEEP DRINKS FLOWING
Be a good host always. Don’t misconstrue this to mean get your date wasted so you can take advantage. But a little libation lubrication never hurt nobody. Be ever mindful of their comfort level, which means keeping their glass full, their mind entertained, and their interest piqued. Another glass of Merlot?
8. DANCE WHILE COOKING
There is a direct parallel between dancing and banging. Your bodies moving in sync to the music, your eyes locked, a passionate embrace all lead to a happy ending. So let inspiration take you over while the pasta boils and spontaneously spin your date around the kitchen. If the mechanics are right you can sneak in a kiss before dinner that will bubble up over the meal and explode come dessert.
9. FEED YOUR DATE
Keep your date engaged in the culinary process. A key way to make this happen is to feed them as the food gets near completion. Let them lick the spoon of the cooking dough, try a bite of the pasta sauce, or sample a raspberry you will serve with dessert. Get their suggestions and suddenly they are emotionally invested in the meal. Remember to feed them from your spoon or better yet, out of your hand.