October 12, 2015
Lox them up and throw away the key!
Parents, you have been warned. Now that this ridonkulously easy recipe is public knowledge, the world of culinary seduction just got a little easier. All those innocent girls yearning to spread their wings shall descend upon the bait laid out for them. Once they’ve had a taste of this forbidden fruit, all bets are off. I know that the Religious Right are gritting their teeth and preparing a contingency plan. Sorry, suckers. There’s nothing you can do now but pray really HARD. The rest of us will be cooking and BANGING really HARD. Read the rest of this entry »
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Posted by cooktobang
November 8, 2010
You jam straight I want to bang some more
So I admit freely that my knowledge of New Zealand is limited to the Lord of the Rings, Flight of the Conchords, and a family friend who renounced his Kiwi citizenship. None of this was going to help the fact that I brazenly invited a cute New Zealand girl I met randomly at a bowling alley bar over for dinner. She believed me when drunkenly I claimed that New Zealand cuisine had inspired my culinary palette. So the gauntlet was thrown down for me to WOW this hopefully kinky kiwi. All my research has turned up was in detail reports about the oppression of the Mauri people, which didn’t strike me as light dinner conversation. So I just bought a bag of kiwi fruit and winged it. After great debate with myself, and with timing running out before she showed up, I decided to make a jam of sorts. I served it with bread, Brie cheese and a New Zealand wine. This winning combination led to a winning combination of positions in the bedroom, invented by the same people that brought us bungee jumping. After that night I vowed never to never confuse Kiwi and Aussie girls again. They hate that. Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | condom-ment, fusion, gift, healthy, MORNING WOOD, new zealand, RECIPES | Tagged: appetizer, bang, brie cheese, bungee jumping, butter, caramelize, cool, delicious, DIY, easy, finger food, flight of the conchords, flour, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, harden, homemade, honey, intercourse, international, jam recipe, jelly, kitchen, kiwi chick, Kiwi jam recipe, lime, lord of the rings, mauri, naked, new zealand, new Zealander, Oceana, pectin, recipe, romantic, seduce, sex, spread, sugar, tasty, vodka, wine, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
March 18, 2010
Why choke your chicken when you can artichoke and poke?
Sometimes a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a bag of stale Cheetos just don’t do the job when it comes to seduction. My apologies to the corner store Casanovas. Sometimes a little elbow grease can oil the joints keeping your date’s legs stuck together. And what better way to do that then a familiar bar food favorite that happens to be loaded with APHRODISIAC power? In case the artichoke wasn’t enough sex appeal, we threw in the silky avocado to guide deliver you a foolproof contingency plan. You’re welcome. This became a last minute creation needed for an impromptu Super Bowl date with a pack of three football-loving ladies. These girls clearly knew their shit when it came to pig skin and potato skins. Making a good impression was crucial for the touchdown that followed with my girl there. There was most certainly necessary roughness. The extra point was the phone number her sexy friend wearing the Steelers jersey slipped me.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $11
Drinking Buddy: A MO MOJO MOJITO or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):
1. 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise
2. 1 8-ounce can of artichoke hearts in water
3. 1 round roll of foccacia bread
4. 4 ounces of cream cheese
5. 2 ROASTED RED PEPPERS
6.½ an avocado sliced
7. ½ a lemon worth of juice
8. ½ cup of parmesan cheese
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Chop up the artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers and toss them into a bowl with the avocado, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, cream cheese and mayonnaise. Work out your pent up sexual frustration by mashing up the ingredients.
Step 2
Cut the top of the focaccia roll and set aside. Pull out the center breading, leaving the sides and bottom in tact. If need be, use your right and left hooks and pound the sides in. Crown the bread top with some parmesan cheese, toast it brown, then cut it up in slices to serve with the dip.
Step 3
Pour in the mashed up raw dip into an oven safe bowl and heat through (approx 20 minutes). Remove the heated dip from the oven and dump in evenly into the bread bowl you have created. Crown it with some parmesan cheese and throw it back in the oven and heat up the bread and melt cheese on top (approx 10 minutes). Serve it up with those toasted slices and tortilla chips. Super job! I knew you had it in you.
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES | Tagged: aphrodisiac, aphrodisiac artichoke dip, appetizer, artichoke, artichoke bread bowl recipe, Artichoke dip recipe, avocado, bang, bar food, cream cheese, delicious, dip, easy, FINGER FOOD FOREPLAY, focaccia bread, game changer, game day, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, mayonnaise, naked, parmesan cheese, recipe, roasted red peppers, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy, sports bar, spread, tasty, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 
