COBB & BALLS SALAD

March 9, 2016
Bob Cobb would be proud...or he might be rolling in his grave.

Bob Cobb would be proud…or he might be rolling in his grave.

You can’t argue with a classic.  The Cobb Salad is a staple of any lunch spot.  But who says it can’t kick start a date into hyper drive?  It certainly passes the health stress test with the fiber, protein and low-fat content.  You almost forget how nourishing it is because each bite tastes like a magical mystery tour in your mouth.  The crunch of the lettuce, creaminess of the bleu cheese, aphrodisiac avocado explosion, & meaty monkey business in the chicken and bacon all lead you to one conclusion: God-fucking-damn!

Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $13
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE

cobb-n-balls-salad-prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. ½ head of romaine lettuce
2. 1 teaspoon of olive oil
3. 2 teaspoons of red wine vinegar
4. ½ teaspoon of black pepper
5. 1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard
6. 1 handful + 1 teaspoon of bleu cheese crumbled
7. 3 strips of cooked bacon
8. 1 cooked chicken breast, grilled or baked
9. 1 AVOCADO diced into bite-sized pieces
10. 1 hard-boiled egg
11. 1 tomato diced

Step 1
Mix up the dressing by combining the Dijon mustard, ed wine vinegar, olive oil, black pepper and 1 teaspoon of blue cheese.  Set aside.
cobb-n-balls-salad-dress
Step 2
Wash the romaine, cut off the stock, then cut bite-size pieces of lettuce, and line the bottom of a salad bowl.  Throw the chopped tomato on top.  Slice the egg thinly and spread them out evenly.  Chop up the bacon into bits and spread it out too.  Chop the chicken breast into bite-sized pieces and scatter those on top.  Do the same with a handful of blue cheese and crown it all with avocado.
cobb-n-balls-salad-toss2
Step 3
Serve up the plates of salad, tonging up a plateful as is.  DO NOT TOSS!  You want the layers of Cobb glory to shine like a Tiffany diamond.  Scoop in your desired amount of dressing and let the good times roll.
cobb-n-balls-salad-plate-dressingcobb-n-balls-salad-prep-2

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CHARD ON EGGS

November 18, 2009
chard eggs served

Breakfast totally gets me hard

Breakfast just gets my juices flowing if you catch my drift.  And it’s not just because of morning wood.  Eating something delicious and nourishing in the cold, dark hours of a new day puts in a good place.  It’s not unlike morning sex. The combination of the two sends me to work with a bounce in my step that no micromanaging boss could take away.  So when captain douche bag stops by your cubicle to ask how that report is coming along, you can look them in the eye, smile and say, “I’m right on top of that.”  What you’re really thinking is, “I spent my morning humping, pumping and then munching, so suck it, boss man.”  Now get on with your day because you have a night of cooking and banging to look forward to while your boss will go home to cry into a bowl of soggy Cheerios.

chard eggs prepTotal time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: Free squeezed OJ or NOT-SO-TEENY WEENY BELLINI

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 dash paprika
2. 1 dash garlic salt
3. 2 massive handfuls chard
4. 1 tbsp CALIVIRGIN olive oil
5. 4 eggs
6. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
7. 2 bacon strips

Step 1
Chop the bacon into nibbles.  Wash the chard and chop.
chard eggs chop
Step 2
Beat the eggs with garlic salt and paprika.
chard eggs beat
Step 3
Fry the bacon in the olive oil until crispy.  Throw in the chard and cook down (approx 2 min).  pour in the eggs and ever so slowly scramble so they form in slabs of eggy goodness.  Top it off avocado slices and prepare for liftoff.
chard eggs scramble

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