March 9, 2016
Bob Cobb would be proud…or he might be rolling in his grave.
You can’t argue with a classic. The Cobb Salad is a staple of any lunch spot. But who says it can’t kick start a date into hyper drive? It certainly passes the health stress test with the fiber, protein and low-fat content. You almost forget how nourishing it is because each bite tastes like a magical mystery tour in your mouth. The crunch of the lettuce, creaminess of the bleu cheese, aphrodisiac avocado explosion, & meaty monkey business in the chicken and bacon all lead you to one conclusion: God-fucking-damn!
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $13
Drinking Buddy: Red wine or RAGING HARD ON LEMONADE
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. ½ head of romaine lettuce
2. 1 teaspoon of olive oil
3. 2 teaspoons of red wine vinegar
4. ½ teaspoon of black pepper
5. 1 teaspoon of Dijon mustard
6. 1 handful + 1 teaspoon of bleu cheese crumbled
7. 3 strips of cooked bacon
8. 1 cooked chicken breast, grilled or baked
9. 1 AVOCADO diced into bite-sized pieces
10. 1 hard-boiled egg
11. 1 tomato diced
Mix up the dressing by combining the Dijon mustard, ed wine vinegar, olive oil, black pepper and 1 teaspoon of blue cheese. Set aside.
Wash the romaine, cut off the stock, then cut bite-size pieces of lettuce, and line the bottom of a salad bowl. Throw the chopped tomato on top. Slice the egg thinly and spread them out evenly. Chop up the bacon into bits and spread it out too. Chop the chicken breast into bite-sized pieces and scatter those on top. Do the same with a handful of blue cheese and crown it all with avocado.
Serve up the plates of salad, tonging up a plateful as is. DO NOT TOSS! You want the layers of Cobb glory to shine like a Tiffany diamond. Scoop in your desired amount of dressing and let the good times roll.
January 1, 2016
Detox so you can always get your rocks off
Cooking to Bang can often lead to some nasty habits like drinking, fornicating and eating after midnight. Some scientists claim that indulging your every whim can be harmful to your health. Bully to that. But just in case you are seek a cleansing, Cook To Bang has something silky smooth for the sinner in all of us. Think of this soup as an elixir that can grant you eternal innocence. Every unspeakable carnal act you performed in the heat of the moment shall be absolved by the soup’s all-forgiving nutrients. Allow the garlic and cayenne pepper to clear your sinuses and conscience. The broccoli and cauliflower will mainline you with calcium and scoop out cancer-causing gunk holding your prowess back. Lastly the lemon will wash away the sins leaving your body and soul shiny like it went through the car wash. You’re good to go. Have fun abusing yourself and we’ll see you again soon. Next! Read the rest of this entry »
September 5, 2014
Once you go Greek, you don’t go back…unless you’re squeamish
The Greeks sure know how to live. They have amazing islands, beautiful tan people and ouzo that pours out of every faucet. Seriously. I actually took an ouzo shower in Mykonos. But the shower was in a club and my Greek friends were pouring it over my head. My first thought was I had pissed off one of the girls by telling her she looks like the homely older sister of the goddess Athena. Thankfully this goddess-like mortal didn’t lose my sarcasm in translation. The ouzo shower was her mating call. Naturally the boorish American read it wrong thinking I had offended her. Believe it or not, that happens a lot. It took a few more alcoholic hosings and a passionate kiss on the dance floor to finally get it. I was crystal clear as the Mediterranean Sea when she led me down to the beach like a Trojan horse. Now I fully comprehend what it means to go Greek. Interesting. What’s also interesting is the island nation’s produce. Super healthy, tasty Greek Salads will fuel many ouzo shower-filled evenings. Do Zeus proud and go Greek! Read the rest of this entry »
November 17, 2010
Salivate or Salvation?
Just looking at pictures of this salad makes me salivate. Good god was this an orgasmic freaking salad. Everything in here screams healthy, happy and horny. You could run a goddamn marathon or at least have some killer marathon sex after eating a plate of this bad boy. My date didn’t know what to say when I served her this masterpiece. I’m pretty sure she said YUM! But it was hard to tell since her mouth was full of salad, shortly followed by my tongue. It’s pretty safe to say that anyone who throws together something this awesome will surely get laid, if not inducted into the COOK TO BANG hall of fame. Swing for the fences, my friends! Read the rest of this entry »
June 4, 2009
Whatever, however, whoever. Just Cook To Bang.
Admittedly, this salad’s title kind of blows. Not even with the steroids I scored from Manny Ramirez can I always bat 1000. But this salad neither blew nor sucked. It was totally off the hook yet totally unplanned. I found out way too late that the young lady who came over for dinner was a militant vegetarian. Something about a misdemeanor for chaining herself to a fur coat store in college. Note to self: stop picking up girls at yoga class. The killer SALMON DISH that is a shoe-in CTB was well out. But the consolation prize was she loved feta cheese. So into the fridge I went and in a moment of panic grabbed everything that looked like feta-friendly. The salad before you is whatever was in the fridge and it was awesome. My hippie crusader chained herself to my bed to protest us running out.
Total time: approximately 5 minutes
Projected cost: $6
Drinking Buddy: SLUTTY TEMPLE
1. ½ head of romaine lettuce
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. 1 pinch of herbs de Provence
4. 1 handful of kalamata olives
5. ½ lemon
6. 2 endives
7. 3 green onions chopped coarsely
8. 2 tomatoes chopped coarsely
9. 1 steamed red BEET sliced thinly
10. Steamed ASPARAGUS
11. 1 small handful of feta cheese (leave out to make vegan)
First you must prep the vegetables. Break the romaine lettuce apart every two inches and wash it all. Slice up the endives every inch or so. Also cut the asparagus every inch or so.
Combine the sliced endives, romaine lettuce, tomatoes, beets, olives, crumbled feta cheese, Herbs de Provence, olive oil, and lemon juice in a large bowl. Toss that salad like a pro.
Serve it up to even the crunchiest of guests.