February 24, 2016
Serve this dish up like the sexy Chippendale you are!
Nothing screams out sex appeal for the ladies like a buff dude in a bowtie with a fake collar and cuffs. That’s the Chippendale way. Keeping it classy but lust inspiring at the same time. Make the married ladies scream. Give them something to fantasize about while their husbands bang them with brief, disinterested strokes. Win win. That’s what this stupidly simple dish is about. Tap into the unbridled lust that only bowtie-wearing dancers can inspire. I hope you have your dance revue choreographed. Remember…step forward, step back, spin around, clap and THRUST! Just don’t spill the kick ass contents on the plate while making those moves.
Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 6 ounces of dried bowtie pasta
2. 1 8-ounce can of tomato sauce
3. 1 can of TUNA
4. ½ cup of milk
5. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
6. ½ an onion diced finely
7. 2 garlic cloves diced finely
Boil the pasta al dente (follow instructions, approx 12 min) and drain. While the pasta boils move onto Step 2. When pasta is done, toss it into the sauce and mix.
Heat up the olive oil on medium heat. Sauté the garlic and onions (approx 3 min), adding salt if you so desire. Drain the tuna cans and toss in the pan and cook (approx 2 min) into it. Pour in the tomato sauce cook until it all goes red (approx 2 min). Finally pour in the milk and reduce by simmering on low heat as the sauce pinkens.
May 13, 2009
The meatballs keep a rolling rolling rolling!
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.