I see you poking around my business. You could at least buy me dinner first. Or better yet, cook for me! Make me some Italian comfort food and I might just put out. No promises though. You still have to woo me. But just want to put it out there that poking my piccata is a possibility. Just play it cool and don’t act a fool. Behold this simplified and slightly healthier version of the chicken piccata that takes all of 20 minutes to whip up for who ever is down. This recipe was born after a particularly exhausting round of bedroom acrobatics that left my tantric trapeze partner and I famished. I recreated my favorite piccata dish from my childhood using repressed memories and innovation. Thank god for those frozen chicken breasts stuck to the bottom of my freezer. That protein boosted me back into top form for another round of aerial maneuvering around the bedroom. To this day, I have no idea why there are clowns and a lion tamer in my bedroom. I’m not THAT kinky! Read the rest of this entry »
Sometimes you have to take decisive action to get your freak on. That means going all in like in a high stakes game of poker and laying it all on the line. Well, perhaps that analogy is wrong. In fact, this recipe makes the art of culinary seduction seem easy. Polenta screams out classy and sophisticated. Just accept the compliment and go with it. Let the aphrodisiac double threat (black beans & avocado) and rich collection of textures speak for you. Don’t fret. The pants will come off like some freaky scientific mystery. I’ll give you a hint about the science: good food = great sex. And critics say this site is not educational! Read the rest of this entry »
For the record, I am totally gay for figs. They are one of history’s oldest fruits. Ever hear of the hanging gardens of Babylon? Figs hung proudly there and flavored many ancient meals. No doubt these edible APHRODISIACS were all over the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve just had to sample the far blander apple and ruin everything. Not that there’s anything wrong with apples, knowledge or original sin. Figs are just tastier, sexier and more likely to get you laid. Sexy time is nearly certain once you wrap the figs up with Italian prosciutto and throw in some creamy Brie cheese. Run, don’t walk to your nearest quality grocer and slice off a piece of the Garden of Eden.
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red Wine or a SAN-GRAB-YA SANGRIA
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. Brie cheese
2. 4 fresh FIGS
3. 4 prosciutto slices
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.