This one goes out to all the carnivores out there with apologies to my vegan readers. After countless e-mails demanding carnage and threats to my life from the Beef lobbying arm, I have snapped to like a scared little lamb. Or was that calf? Rubbing hunks of meat up and down with tender care is a delicate art like origami or sword swallowing. So I caution you to take it ever so slowly, never rushing the process until it’s go time. When it’s finally time to put your meat to the heat, then you better be quick on your toes. Pan searing to perfection is no joke, blokes. Be quick on your feet and never miss a beat if you intend for your eats to end the night sweet. Somewhere in the distance a single tear rolls down a delicious cow’s cheek. Read the rest of this entry »
The summer is upon us. The snow and ice has melted. So has the clothing of your tempting targets. Quit your bellyaching about cold streaks and grill up some hot steaks. No more hibernating! Put away the parkas and pull out your favorite fur loincloth. Dust off the BBQ and start grilling. Calling all caveman!
Tap into your primitive side. You don’t need to bother with three-course meals. The smell of fire charring meat should suffice. Grrrrrr! Make like you’re strangling a Velociraptor and make some dino-kebabs. Effort should be minimal so long as you pull it off with panache. Cooking to Bang in the summertime has never been more basic.
So visit the butcher, your fish monger, your hippie veggie/weed dealer. Grab the goods and get with the grillin’. A little charcoal, some lighter fluid and you got fire. Try some of this fuego-fueled fare on for size, you caveman you! Read the rest of this entry »
Behold these sexy balls o’ mine! Why are you acting so shocked? My balls are so flavorful, so meaty, so ready to rumble. Clearly you aren’t ready to meet these round and rocking spheres of epic delight. I understand. I get it. You just try to appear that you are up for anything, but in truth you turn tail when presented with something bold that gets right to the meat of a situation. Not to worry for there are plenty of prospects who will be more than happy to embrace my raw essence. The barbarian inside shall be released in us ready and willing who shall indulge in an orgy of carnage and carnal delights. You’ll just have to sit outside my cave and listen to the pleasurable Neanderthal grunts of eating and banging. You’ll just have to read the erotic play-by-play cave paintings. I’d love to offer you our leftovers, but you know how grudges go. Can’t let it go until you admit you were wrong and willing to play by my rules.
Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $7
Drinking Buddy: Red wine
Ingredients (serves 2)
1. 1 pound of ground beef (or turkey)
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. 1 teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. ½ teaspoon of crushed red pepper
6. 1 can of tomato sauce
7. ½ pound of dried spaghetti
8. 2 garlic cloves minced
9. 1 large celery stalk cut into tiny nibbles
10. 1 onion chopped finely
11. 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not pictured)
Boil spaghetti al dente while you make the meat balls: mix in ½ the onions, ½ the celery celery, garlic, ground beef, salt, and pepper together in a bowl and create balls.
Warm up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep pan on medium heat. Throw in the meatballs and cook the bottom side until they brown (approx 3 min). Flip the meatballs and douse the remaining olive over the balls and brown the other side (approx 2 min). Sauté the remaining onions and celery and cook them down (approx 2 min). Bring the tomato sauce to a boil on and then lower the heat and simmer until the meatballs cook through (approx 15 min).
Place a healthy serving of al dente spaghetti on each place, then set a few meat balls on plate and then smother it all with sauce. Serve with GARLIC (MY BALLS) BREAD and top it off with Parmesan if you are feeling cheesy.