All kinds of exciting things happen below the ground. Ever hear of a gopher gala? What about a mole massive? Groundhog grind? Do you know what fuels all these critters crazy times? Root vegetables! Potatoes, beets, radishes, and oh so many more. Bully to the fancy pants food that grows above ground. No self-respecting tunnel-digging creature would ever admit to preferring a tomato to a carrot. So in honor of the subterranean happenings that I had the pleasure of attending, I whipped up an uber-healthy salad using only goods from down below. I had all the underground creatures sitting around my table like a Mad Hatter style tea party. It was messy, but oh so delicious. And then the queen of the mole people invited me into her boudoir for a private show you would never see on the Disney Channel. We were to be betrothed, but I escaped through a tunnel that led me back to my bed where I woke up confused and a little hungry.
GET DOWN IN THE GROUND VEGGIE SALADJanuary 9, 2014
SEE ME PLEASE ME FEED ME KIWISFebruary 23, 2010
Much props to New Zealanders for being so lovable. Here’s looking at you Bret and Jemaine! Those kiwis are a treat to be around, especially in their home turf. I visited Queenstown, NZ a while back and was taken a back by the natural beauty of the place. The mountains and lakes and rivers and shit were nice too. Kiwi girls got that organically cute look going on fun and are always up for it, whatever ìitî may be. A drunken lout I met at a Sydney party told me right before I flew to New Zealand, ìWhen you tap a kiwi on the shoulder her panties fall down.î Thanks for the tip, Aussie Aussie, oi oi! He was right. And not only that, Kiwi girls, at least the one I met in Queenstown, did me one better. She dragged me out of the bar, banged me like her forefathers banged their sheep, and then fed me after. Bang to Cook. What she served me was reminiscent of this little ditty. Fresh kiwis served as a decadent dessert hit the spot before I was dragged back to bed for round 2 through 14.
Total time: approximately 25 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Port or dessert wine
Ingredients (Serves 2):
1. 2 tbsp brown sugar
2. 1 tsp garam masala*
3. 2 tbsp margarine
4. 8 kiwis
*Indian spice made of cumin, coriander, cardamom, peppercorn, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and saffron
Cut off the ends of the kiwi, slice down one side, and remove the peels. Cut the kiwis in half and you are ready to rumble.
On low heat, melt the margarine, add the brown sugar and garam masala, and stir into a syrup. Add the slices of kiwi and sauté in the syrup until the kiwis soften and the color starts to fade (approx 20 min). Serve solo or over ice cream or another desert that needs some extra boom-shaka-laka.