EGGPLANT PARMESAN BOOTY BOMB

March 9, 2009
Now that I am armed with the Booty Bomb, nothing can stop me.  Muahahaha!

Now that I am armed with the Booty Bomb, nothing can stop me. Muahahaha!

Weapons of mass destruction are no doubt dangerous in the hands of terrorists.  But what about weapons of mass satisfaction?  They also pose a threat in the hands of the common man.  I found this out the hard way when I adjusted a simple recipe for eggplant Parmesan.  This already awesome dish took my game to DEFCON 5. Suddenly I could cause an orgasm in every woman in a 5 mile-radius as soon as I popped this dish into the oven.  The power did in fact go to my head. I became a super-villain indiscriminately bringing beautiful women to their knees in abject pleasure.  Lucky for mankind, a douchey superhero known as the Cock-Blocker managed to wipe my memory clean of the ingredients of this recipe. Too bad for that good two-shoes so-called hero, the Freedom of Information Act allows the rest of you access to this powerful dish.  Cook with caution!

Total time: approximately 45 minutes
Projected cost: $8
Drinking Buddy: Red wine

eggplant-parm-prepIngredients:
1. Salt to taste
2. ½ tablespoon of oregano
3. 3 tablespoons of olive oil
4. 1 28-ounce can of tomatoes
5. 1 large handful of shredded/chopped mozzarella
6. 2 eggs
7. 1 large eggplant cut into 1-inch thick rounds
8. 1 onion chopped coarsely
9. 1 handful of chopped parsley
10. 3 garlic cloves chopped coarsely
11. ½ cup of flour
12. ¼ cup of shredded Parmesan
13. ½ cup of breadcrumbs

Step 1
Create the sauce by heating up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan on medium-high heat.  Sauté the garlic until they whiten (approx 30 seconds).  Sauté the onions until they become translucent (approx 2 minutes).  Add salt to taste and parsley and cook in the flavor (approx 1 minute).  Add the tomatoes and crush them yourself.  Turn the heat down low and allow the sauce to simmer as you move on to Step 2.
eggplant-parm-sauce
Step 2
Create the eggplant batter.  First mix up the breading: flour, breadcrumbs, Parmesan and oregano in one bowl.  Beat the eggs in a second bowl.  Heat up 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a pan on medium-high heat.  Dip each eggplant round in the eggs, and then the breading and fry them 4 or five at a time.  Flip once after the bottoms brown (approx 2 minutes) and repeat.  Set aside on a paper towel to soak up excess oil.  Repeat as needed.
eggplant-parm-batter-fry
Step 3
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Lay down a base of sauce in a small baking/casserole dish. Put down a layer of fried eggplants.  Place another layer of sauce and eggplants until you have exhausted your supply, laying the last of the sauce on top.  Scatter the mozzarella buckshot style over the top and throw in the oven.  Bake until the cheese crusts and browns (approx 20 minutes).  You are in for a treat!  Serve it up solo or with some PASTA.
eggplant-parm-bake

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TAKE THAT COD TO BED

February 18, 2009
Lay that cod on the bed and cook it's brains out

Lay that cod on the bed and cook it's brains out

You’ve been rocking that cod all night.  Your filet so cooked it’s crispy from all the heat.  You’ve ridden it hard and put it away wet.  It’s time to put it to bed…of veggies.  Welcome to the CTB jungle, baby!  You’re gonna die…from an orgasm overdose.  This dish overflows with aphrodisiac-loaded potential for seducing even the most prude of Prudences.  Sure the price of ingredients ain’t cheap, but you can’t build a rocket to the moon out of sardine cans from the 99cent store.  I tried and crash-landed outside of Tijuana where I got a great FISH TACO.  This recipe is quality over quantity for that quality someone you really really want.  I warn you that it will be rather HARD to determine which orgasm you prefer. The sexual or culinary?  Just consider it a multiple orgasm and be done with it.

*Special shout out to master chef Jane for this audaciously awesome recipe.

Total time: approximately 30 minutes
Projected cost: $20, but worth every goddamn penny!
Drinking Buddy: White wine; just drink the rest of the bottle (see below)

cod-bed-leeks-prepIngredients (serves 2):
1. 1 Portobello mushroom
2. 1 tablespoon of olive oil
3. ½ cup of white wine
4. 1 leek
5. 1 tablespoon of salt
6. Pepper to taste
7. 2 strips of bacon (or turkey or veggie bacon)
8. 2 8-ounce filets of black cod
9. 1 large carrot peeled
10. 1 handful or dried porcini mushrooms
11. 2 garlic cloves minced

Step 1
First you must prep the leeks and Portobello mushrooms that are filthier than your mind.  Cut the stem and most of the dark green off the leek, then spilt in half and wash them thoroughly, being sure to wash out the grit between the folds, then chopping thin slices.  Peel, filet and dice the carrots.  Finally, wash off the Portobello mushroom thoroughly, pull out the stalk gently, scrap out the black gills and chop them into 1-inch thick strips.
cod-bed-leeks-cut-wash
Step 2
Heat a large pan on medium-high.  Throw in the bacon and cook out all the fat before tossing in the leeks, garlic and carrots and cook them down (approx 5 minutes).  Slice the mushroom strips into bite-sized pieces, throw in the salt and cook down further (approx 3 minutes). Dump in the white wine, and turn down heat and allow to simmer while you do Step 3.
cod-bed-leeks-cook-veggies
Step 3
Take the dried porcini mushrooms and pulverize them in a coffee grinder (if you don’t have grinder, use mortal & pestle, or chop with knife).  Throw the shroom dust in a deep container and rub each side of the black cod in it.  Heat the olive oil up in another pan on high heat and throw on the coated cod filets cooking each side until crispy before flipping (3 minutes each side).  Serve each filet over a bed of veggies.

cod-bedleeksshroomfish

Who’s getting laid tonight?  You are!
cod-bed-leeks-served-2

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