NAUGHTY EGGNOG

December 23, 2015

This Naughty Nog, ba-rumpa-pum-pum

So it’s Christmas time.  You may need to bring something to your (or your significant other’s) family holiday party or perhaps you and a sexy someone have decided to do your own Christmas thang.  It’s about that time to bust something homemade out to leave an outstanding impression.  Make this homemade eggnog recipe you will just do that.  If all goes to plan everyone will be too tanked to think of you as anything but a champ.  Encourage the lot of them to drink up, be merry.  Not merry yet?  Have another glass of this naughty nog.  After enough glasses of this creamy cocktail and they’d forgive you for banging the dog (do us all a favor and abstain from this).  My first experiment with this drink happened during a frightening visit to the ex-Navy colonel father of a girl I was dating after college.  She told me about his medals of valor, not to mention his collection of antique guns.  This was a delicate situation that was easily defused by strong eggnog I threw together on a whim.  By the end of the night Colonel Kill You In Your Sleep was crooning along to Bing Crosby Christmas carols and calling me “son.”  The eggnog was like Kevlar and I was the drunken Baby Jesus. Read the rest of this entry »


MO MOJO MOJITO

August 28, 2015
Mo Mojo Mojitos gets you mo and mo and mo and...

Mo Mojo Mojitos gets you mo and mo and mo and...

Viva la Revolucion! I’m not talking about Fidel Castro’s cigar chomping communist regime. I’m talking about the cocktail revolution led by the magical mojito. This cocktail is straight liquid sex appeal. The tart of the lime gets your feet moving; the sweet sugar fuels your moves; the frosty mint refreshes you’re overheating arse; the rum makes you holler at the moon. It takes me back to wild nights in Miami drinking way too many mojitos and going home with somebody shaking their hips hypnotically to a meringue beat. Much love goes out to those people in Havana who created such a perfect drink. I long for my own Guantanamera babe to help me get through this cruel winter. Cuba here I come! But in the mean time I can serve these up for the senoritas in my life. Mojitos never fail to arm me with a little mo mojo. The extra effort pays off in dividends when it compliments a spicy ENTRÉE. That’s what I call caliente! Read the rest of this entry »


STROKE MY BANANAS FOSTER

August 16, 2010
Only sexy monkeys deserve to taste these bananas
Only sexy monkeys deserve to taste these bananas

The South will rise again…in your mouth.  I do declare!  This outstanding Southern Cuisine classic is a sure fire way of impressing even that skeptical date who sneered at the 4-course meal you’ve already served.  Your caveman instinct will kick in like a racehorse back-kick to the cranium the moment you combine fire and food.  Putting an amazing dessert on fire is like thunking a cave-babe over the head with a club and dragging her into the cave (works on cave-dudes too).  The bananas sweet crispy outside gives way to a hot creamy center that is begging for some culinary cunnilingus.  The extra Foster sauce works like a much-need lube that allows you to navigate the sweet and rummy flavors.  And you can always cool it all down with dip in the melting ice cream pool.  Prepare to have your mind and possibly something else blown.

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NAUGHTY EGGNOG

December 24, 2008

This Naughty Nog, ba-rumpa-pum-pum

This Naughty Nog, ba-rumpa-pum-pum

So it’s Christmas time.  You may need to bring something to your (or your significant other’s) family holiday party or perhaps you and a sexy someone have decided to do your own Christmas thang.  It’s about that time to bust something homemade out to leave an outstanding impression.  Make this homemade eggnog recipe you will just do that.  If all goes to plan everyone will be too tanked to think of you as anything but a champ.  Encourage the lot of them to drink up, be merry.  Not merry yet?  Have another glass of this naughty nog.  After enough glasses of this creamy cocktail and they’d forgive you for banging the dog (do us all a favor and abstain from this).  My first experiment with this drink happened during a frightening visit to the ex-Navy colonel father of a girl I was dating after college.  She told me about his medals of valor, not to mention his collection of antique guns.  This was a delicate situation that was easily defused by strong eggnog I threw together on a whim.  By the end of the night Colonel Kill You In Your Sleep was crooning along to Bing Crosby Christmas carols and calling me “son.”  The eggnog was like Kevlar and I was the drunken Baby Jesus.

Total time: approximately 1¼ hours = 3 minutes to prep, the rest to chill
Projected cost: $5 (not including liquor)
Eating Buddy: Christmas cookies

egg-nog-prep-copyIngredients (for 6 sexy servings):
1. 2 ½ cups of whole milk
2. ½ cup of dark rum
3. ½ cup of brandy
4. 2 cups of heavy cream
5. 1 cup brown sugar
6. 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
7. Nutmeg to taste
8. 6 eggs

Step 1
In a large mixing bowl, add each ingredient separately and beat them in this order: eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla extract.  After beating it all together, toss in some ground nutmeg.
egg-nog-eggs-sugar-vanilla-copy
Step 2
Like in Step 1, add each ingredient and mix thoroughly in this order: heavy cream, milk, rum and brandy.  Beat it together again and chill in the fridge for at least an hour before serving.  After chilling, mix it up again and then ladle up some glasses and sprinkle more nutmeg.  Ho ho ho!  egg-nog-cream-milk-liquor-pour-copy
egg-nog-served-21

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