November 25, 2015
I’ll be humping and pumpkin out pies all night long!
Bangsgiving is upon us! It’s time to prepare yourself for a night of indulgence. While the family-values singles makes their way home to justify to their families why they aren’t married with kids yet, there is a large sect of the dating population that ain’t going nowhere. Friends Thanksgivings are a time for those of us “orphans” too poor, lazy or unwilling to make the trek to see our disapproving families. These are perfect times for the savvy and horny people to eat, drink and make merry mistakes. There are usually a few hotties missing their folks back home who will need some comforting. That’s where you come in! Blow their mind with a pumpkin pie bolder and sexier (aphrodisiac triple-threat) than even Aunt Sue-Ellen’s prized pie of ‘07. Once they’ve tasted a sweet piece of heaven, they will go for seconds…of you.
Total time: approximately 90 minutes
Projected cost: $12
Drinking Buddy: Fermented turkey gravy or NAUGHTY EGGNOG
Ingredients (creates 2 pies):
1. 1 handful raw PINE NUTS
2. 20-OZ condensed milk
3. ½ tsp salt
4. 1/3 cup HONEY
5. 1 cinnamon stick
6. 1 tsp vanilla extract
7. 1 tsp ground nutmeg
8. 4 eggs
9. 1 pie pumpkin
10. ½ cup brown sugar
11. 2 pie crusts (room temperature)
12. 1 tbsp fresh GINGER finely chopped
13. 1 tbsp unsalted butter
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 425°F/220°C. Slice the pumpkin in half, scoop out the innards, steam until the pumpkin meat can easily be pierced (approx 15 min), and then scoop the gunk out of the shell.
Step 2
Add the ginger to the pumpkin gunk and puree. Add the brown sugar, butter, honey, vanilla extract, nutmeg, condensed milk, salt and eggs and puree like a champ.
Step 3
Form the pie crust to your pie pan. Ladle in the pie filling, leaving room at the top. Stick the cinnamon stick in the middle of the pie in the dough so it stands at attention as if being aroused.
Step 4
Bake for 10 minutes, remove from the oven and scatter the pine nuts over the top. Turn the heat down to 350°F/175°C and throw the pie back into oven, baking until the top browns and you can push a bread knife into the pie and it comes out clean (approx 45-55 min).
Serve the pie up with whipped cream, ice cream or solo. You’re that good!
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Posted by cooktobang
May 27, 2015
These are lemon bar none the best way to make somone sweet into a tart
Lemon bars are a fairly innocuous sweet treat favored by WASPy church ladies and the uptight men that don’t get to bang them. Even I can appreciate the wholesome nature of these lovely lemon luxuries. But that doesn’t mean we must have undying reverence for the sacred lemon bar. Make them right and lemon bars can be a citrus-soaked ticket to Boom-Shaka-Laka-Land. Praise be to the dessert treat that can lure in the do-gooder with the do-great ass using sweetness, then convince them to get naked with sour tart. Think of these lemon bars as the bait on a trap, a decoy if you will. Plant a seed with that sexy new coworker, naughty neighbor, or coffee shop acquaintance. Hand them a bar, allow them to experience the orgasmic indulgence in private and wait. Compliments and praise for your culinary prowess will surely follow. This is the part where you invite them over to your place for more of the same, but in a more intimate setting. Game, set and match! Read the rest of this entry »
2 Comments | RECIPES, southern, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: bait, bake, baking powder, bang, bar, boom shaka laka, butter, church lady, coconut, conservative, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, flour, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kitchen, lemon, Lemon bar recipe, lemony, lunch, lure, naked, powdered sugar, recipe, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, sexy lemon bars, snack, Sour, sugar, sugary, sundry, sweet, tart, tasty, trap, treat, vanilla, vegetarian, WASP, wholesome, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 25, 2015
This waffle party is like the firework grand finale in your mouth.
Celebrate American Independence from those tax-collecting limeys. Those redcoats just took and took and never bothered to give their colonists a reach around. King George shouldn’t have been surprised when they stopped sucking him off with a smile. Perhaps if the British were more inclined to reciprocate with the oral gratification Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, and the rest of their posse wouldn’t object to being colonial fluffers. But alas, history unfolded and now the yanks are free from British money shots splattering their bespectacled, wig-wearing faces. If not the taxes and tariffs, chances are the Yankees would have rebelled against the piss poor British cuisine. So celebrate Independence Day with a distinctly American dessert. Oh say can you see? Read the rest of this entry »
1 Comment | aphrodisiac, APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: America, American, aphrodisiac, bake, baked chocolate strawberry waffle, bang, banging, bespectacled, british, colonial, colony, cuisine, dark chocolate, delicious, dessert, DIY, easy, eggo, fluffer, food, fourth of july, franklin, frozen waffles, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, heavy whipping cream, history, homemade, independence day, intercourse, Jefferson, july 4th, king george, kitchen, libido, limeys, money shot, naked, oral gratification, powdered sugar, reach around, recipe, seduce, SEDUCTION, sex, strawberries, sweet, tariffs, tasty, taxes, vanilla, waffle party usa recipe, Washington, Whipped cream, Yankees, yanks, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
August 16, 2010
- Only sexy monkeys deserve to taste these bananas
The South will rise again…in your mouth. I do declare! This outstanding Southern Cuisine classic is a sure fire way of impressing even that skeptical date who sneered at the 4-course meal you’ve already served. Your caveman instinct will kick in like a racehorse back-kick to the cranium the moment you combine fire and food. Putting an amazing dessert on fire is like thunking a cave-babe over the head with a club and dragging her into the cave (works on cave-dudes too). The bananas sweet crispy outside gives way to a hot creamy center that is begging for some culinary cunnilingus. The extra Foster sauce works like a much-need lube that allows you to navigate the sweet and rummy flavors. And you can always cool it all down with dip in the melting ice cream pool. Prepare to have your mind and possibly something else blown.
Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: banana, bananas, Bananas Foster, bang, bicardi mount gay, brown sugar, Cajun, captain morgans, dark rum, delicious, dessert, easy, fire, flambé, foster, fuego, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, ice cream, intercourse, Kahlua, kitchen, naked, New Orleans, romance, rum, SEDUCTION, sex, southern, sweet, vanilla, vanilla ice cream | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
February 28, 2009
Do wop babaloo bop do wop BANG BOOM!
Just imagine yourself a young, horny kid in the 50’s. Too bad societal pressures would keep you from indulging your every whim like James Dean. No, you would be expected to settle for some awesome chrome car and a letterman jacket or pressed Donna Reed blouse. Sounds good in their theory, but do you really want to wait until marriage to bang to your hearts content? Chances are you would be locked in to a loveless marriage fueled by Dean Martin, scotch, and keys in the punchbowl parties. Luckily, 50+ years and a sexual revolution later, we can indulge our carnal desire milkshake without having to buy the whole rancid cow. Bear in mind that back then the concept of lactose intolerance was not even a glimmer in the milkman banging the bored housewife’s eye. But we can thank the 50’s for the malt shop culture. Back then they couldn’t bang so they consumed high calorie treats. Now we can do both. So sip your milkshake while you lift up that poodle skirt and doo wop to your heart’s content.
Total time: approximately 2 minutes
Projected cost: $5
Drinking Buddy: If you are hardcore you could pour in some vodka
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream
2. 2 cups of milk
3. 2 tablespoons of honey
4. 1 banana
5. 1 handful of pistachios
Step 1
Break the banana in half and drop it in the blender along with the ice cream, honey, pistachios and milk and blend it to perfection. Serve it up cold before things get really hot!
1 Comment | libation lubrication, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS, vegetarian | Tagged: 50’s, awesome, banana, Banana milkshake recipe, bang, blend, creamy, dean martin, delicious, dessert, DIY, donna reed, easy, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, gourmet banana milkshake, guarantee, homemade, honey, intercourse, james dean, kitchen, lactose intolerant, letterman jacket, libation, lubrication, malt shop, milk, milk man, naked, nuts, pistachio, poodle skirt, puree, recipe, scotch, seduce, sex, sexual revolution, sweet, sweet temptation, tasty, vanilla, vegetarian, yummy | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
November 24, 2008
Even a man without taste buds would have an edible orgasm from this treasure.
I challenge anyone to make these brownies and not succeed in melting the heart of your intended conquest. This dish is so sensual and irresistible that I seduced myself. It was quite the challenge to share it with my date. She couldn’t keep her finger out of my batter and licked my bowl clean. We nearly finished it off before it made it into the oven. Good thing we did because these brownies were radioactive with awesomeness. This is an aphrodisiac double feature with more chocolate than Willy Wonka could pull out of his hat with the antioxidant raspberry remix. Just thinking about these brownies brings a tear to my eyes because I know what dessert in heaven will taste like, minus the annoying harp music. Accept the raspberry brownies into your heart and sing a post-coital Hallelujah!
Ingredients:
1. 2/3 cup of baking flour
2. ¼ teaspoon of baking powder
3. ¾ cup of sweet ground chocolate/cocoa (Ghiradelli recommended)
4. ¼ teaspoon of salt
5. ½ a small package of fresh/frozen raspberries
6. 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
7. 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
8. 1 stick of butter
9. ¾ cup of sugar
10. 2 eggs
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Sift together the flour, cocoa mix, sugar, salt and baking powder. Melt the stick of butter and beat in with eggs and vanilla extract. Mix the eggs/butter combination with the dry cocoa/flour/sugar mix into a batter. Blend in the chocolate chips and you have mind-blowing batter that you can bake or lick off your date’s naughty bits.
Step 2
Grease that small pan (9 inch square recommended) like its never been greased up before. Pour in half the batter like a pleasure-delaying seduction. Tuck those babe-licious berries into the brownie batter bed before smothering it with the other half of cocoa-laden chaos. Throw the baking pan into the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes. When in doubt, us a toothpick to dip into the brownie: if the pick comes out dry you got yourself a decadent dessert. Allow to cool for 15 minutes, then serve with ice cream, a glass of milk, or with your best deal-closing move.
1 Comment | APHRODISIACS ANONYMOUS, RECIPES, SWEET TEMPTATIONS | Tagged: aphrodisiac, bake, bang, berry, brownie, chocolate, classy, delicious, dessert, easy, eggs, from scratch, fruit, game changer, get laid, gourmet, guarantee, intercourse, kinky, kitchen, naked, raspberry, Raspberry brownies, romance, SEDUCTION, sex, simple, sinful, sugar, sweet, vanilla | Permalink
Posted by cooktobang
1. 1 handful raw PINE NUTS
Cook To Bang - Recipes To Get You Laid 