April 4, 2016
Lead your enchanted hordes with the glorious tune of your Potato Skin Flute.

Lead your enchanted hordes with the glorious tune of your Potato Skin Flute.

The flute is an enchanting instrument that when played right can control the minds of the captivated audience.  Pan rocked his pipes and outplayed Mt. Olympus’s residents. The Pied Piper inspired people to follow him like sheep, dancing like fools through meadows and forests.  Even Saint Patrick the heartthrob priest used a wind instrument to drive the snakes out of Ireland.  You too can enjoy such greatness if you embrace and master your own flute (or your man’s).  Play that flute beautifully with precision and attention to detail and they will follow you anywhere you want to go.  Just imagine the possibilities once you have someone under your flute’s spell and yearning for your next note.  Audiences can be fickle so keep them fed so the flute party keeps going.  Savory Potato Skin Flutes will do the trick.  Cheeky, cheap and cheesy!  You’ll be back playing the final crescendo in no time. ♪

Total time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $4
Drinking Buddy: Beer or a MO MOJO MOJITO

tater-skins-prepIngredients (for two):
1. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
2. ½ teaspoon of salt
3. ½ teaspoon of pepper
4. 1 teaspoon of paprika
5. Sour cream for dipping
6. ½ cup of shredded jack (or cheddar) cheese
7. 1/3 cup of shredded Parmesan
8. 1 JALAPEÑO chopped into thin round slices
9. 3 potatoes
10. 2 coarsely chopped green onions (optional, not pictured)

Step 1

Preheat the oven to 475 degrees F.  Create the potato skin glaze by mixing the olive oil, paprika, salt, pepper, and Parmesan in a bowl.


Step 2

Wash the potatoes thoroughly, and then cut them in half and scoop out the centers with a spoon, leaving the skins in tact.  Place the 6 potato skins in a greased baking pan, apply the glaze evenly over all and toss them in the oven to bake (approx 7 minutes).  Pull the pan out of the oven and flip the skins over and bake until they brown (approx 7 minutes).  Flip the skins back over and throw in the jalapeños (and green onions if you wish) and cover them with cheese. Toss the skins back in the oven until the cheese melts (approx 2 minutes).  Serve those bad boys up on a plate with sour cream and if you are feeling bold, GUAPO GRINGO GUACAMOLE.


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September 30, 2015
Of course I'll quese-do-ya!!!

Of course I'll quese-do-ya!!!

Diddle me this.  Diddle me that.  Who’s afraid of getting fat?  Not I, says the COOK TO BANG chefs who cook healthy, badass food, and then subsequently burn off those calories banging like chimpanzees on meth.  So we can afford to indulge in a little turbocharged bar food every once in a while.  You deserve to make something ridiculously easy that earns you props from the prissy crowd who “don’t usually indulge in such low brow foods.”  So long as they put out after they are put in their place I am down to put up with them.  Aren’t the whiners the most satisfying to bang senseless?  It’s like wearing out their motor mouths by stuffing they with the tastiest of treats.  Ain’t no stopping you from getting some peace…of ass. Read the rest of this entry »


March 18, 2010
Why choke your chicken when you can artichoke and poke?

Why choke your chicken when you can artichoke and poke?

Sometimes a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a bag of stale Cheetos just don’t do the job when it comes to seduction.  My apologies to the corner store Casanovas.  Sometimes a little elbow grease can oil the joints keeping your date’s legs stuck together.  And what better way to do that then a familiar bar food favorite that happens to be loaded with APHRODISIAC power?  In case the artichoke wasn’t enough sex appeal, we threw in the silky avocado to guide deliver you a foolproof contingency plan.  You’re welcome.  This became a last minute creation needed for an impromptu Super Bowl date with a pack of three football-loving ladies.  These girls clearly knew their shit when it came to pig skin and potato skins.  Making a good impression was crucial for the touchdown that followed with my girl there. There was most certainly necessary roughness.  The extra point was the phone number her sexy friend wearing the Steelers jersey slipped me.

Total time: approximately 35 minutes
Projected cost: $11

artichoke-dip-prep1Ingredients (serves a party or 2 hungry people for days):

1. 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise
2. 1 8-ounce can of artichoke hearts in water
3. 1 round roll of foccacia bread
4. 4 ounces of cream cheese
6.½ an avocado sliced
7. ½ a lemon worth of juice
8. ½ cup of parmesan cheese

Step 1
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Chop up the artichoke hearts and roasted red peppers and toss them into a bowl with the avocado, parmesan cheese, lemon juice, cream cheese and mayonnaise.  Work out your pent up sexual frustration by mashing up the ingredients.


Step 2
Cut the top of the focaccia roll and set aside.  Pull out the center breading, leaving the sides and bottom in tact.  If need be, use your right and left hooks and pound the sides in.  Crown the bread top with some parmesan cheese, toast it brown, then cut it up in slices to serve with the dip.


Step 3
Pour in the mashed up raw dip into an oven safe bowl and heat through (approx 20 minutes).  Remove the heated dip from the oven and dump in evenly into the bread bowl you have created.  Crown it with some parmesan cheese and throw it back in the oven and heat up the bread and melt cheese on top (approx 10 minutes).  Serve it up with those toasted slices and tortilla chips. Super job!  I knew you had it in you.artichoke-dip-fill-bake

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