Can you slice a watermelon with a katana blade? Do you use nunchucks to pound out pizza dough? Can you catch a fly with chopsticks? Then you are a kitchen ninja. Clearly your rigorous training has paid off because your culinary concoctions are deadly delicious. You make the knuckleheads competing on Top Chef look like low-level samurai sous chefs. Now it’s time to drop a sake bomb in your home kitchen in the ultimate mission: sexual culinary conquest. There’s an unattainable geisha whose lotus flower has not been plucked in many rice harvests. It’s time to mix your Japanese fighting style with some Western flavor to make funky fusion food. Assemble your fiercest weapon: APHRODISIACS and make your sensei proud. Should you fail, you must perform hari-kari. Now go get ‘em, you nasty ninjas! Read the rest of this entry »
I recognize that smell anywhere. Every time she walks by me my nose piques up. Yep, there she goes again. Tuna fish patrol on the prowl. Most guys are repulsed by pungent poonany. But they don’t have the culinary kink you develop being surrounded by food. People’s filthy minds wander to sex when they eat food with certain aromas. My mind wanders to food when I’m banging someone emanating various aromas. The fact the girl in question smells a bit fishy only made me hungrier for meat from the sea. While my friends dissed the funky-scented hottie, I invited her over for tuna burgers. My whole house smelled like tuna anyway so I couldn’t smell the difference when we went from Cook To Bang.
Total time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $3
Drinking Buddy: MELLOW JELL-O MAKES’EM BELLOW
Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 can of TUNA
2. ½ tbsp olive oil
3. Mayonnaise to taste
4. 2 hamburger buns
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 1 small handful of cilantro chopped coarsely
7. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
8. ½ lime
9. 1 egg
10. ½ a Serrano CHILI diced finely
Drain the tuna and mix it thoroughly with the green onions, cilantro, chilies and egg.
Form two burgers, pressing them together tightly. Pan-fry the burgers in olive oil on medium heat, flipping once so both sides brown (approx 3 min per side).
Assemble the burgers by toasting the buns, slathering them with mayonnaise and avocado. Slide the tuna patties in, slap them together and slice in half.
Serve them up solo, with salad or some TOTALLY SWEET POTATO FRIES.