MISO HORNY COD

February 12, 2016
This dish love you long time!

This dish love you long time!

The Cook To Bang classic recipe is back in time for Valentines Day. Few recipes are this effective at harnessing the power of gastrosexuality. The Japanese approach everything with perfection in mind from manga to ninjas to oral.  Miso cod is no exception.  It’s a little sweet, a little savory, and 100% banging. The tender fish breaks off into scrumptious flakes and is complimented by the steamed bok choy.  The flavors battle on your tongue in a perfectly choreographed samurai duel.  Your date will love you long time.

Total time: approximately 3 hours (mostly marinating fish)
Projected cost: $15
Drinking Buddy: Sake, beer or a dry white wine

miso-horny-cod-prepIngredients (for two):
1. ¼ cup of sake*
2. 1/3 cup of mirin*
3. ½ cup of sugar
4. ¾ cup of white miso paste*
5. ½ a lemon worth of juice
6. 2 tablespoons of soy sauce
7. 2 black cod filets*
8. 4 baby bok choys*
*all of these items are available at any Japanese/Asian market

Step 1
On medium heat, boil the sake and mirin for 20-30 seconds until the alcohol cooks out.  Add the miso paste and cook until the chunks dissolve into the liquid.  Finally, mix the sugar in and cook until it dissolves.  Set the pan aside and allow the miso sauce to cool.
miso-horny-cod-sauce
Step 2
If necessary, de-bone the fish fillets.  Pat the fillets dry with a paper towel.  Slather up the fish with the miso sauce so they are fully coated with miso goodness.  Leave the fish in a bowl and cover with saran wrap.  Allow the fish to marinate in the miso sauce at least 2½ hours (the longer it marinates, the tastier it will be).
miso-horny-cod-marinate
Step 3
When the fish is ready, preheat your oven to broil.  Wipe off the excess marinade and place the fillets in a baking ban.  Broil the fish until it the surface starts to brown.  Remove the pan, and then preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.  Throw the fish back in and cook 10-15 minutes longer.
miso-horny-cod-broil-bake
Step 4
While the fish is baking, steam the baby bok choy until the leaves wilt and turn bright green.  Mix the soy sauce and lemon in a separate bowl and it toss the steamed bok choy. Serve the fish and bok choy artfully on the plate.  Your date should be remarkably wowed.
miso-horny-cod-bok-choymiso-horny-cod-served-2

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EDAMAME’S BOY

January 25, 2016

Enjoy the tsunami of edamame!

 

I don’t mind admitting I am a mama’s boy. Sure some conservatives might call me morally bankrupt. But I scoff at them because I still have a good relationship with my mother. She’s the one who taught me how to cook after all. Sure I may have taken the foundations of her teachings and used it to get girls out of my league to sleep with me. But isn’t that what innovation is all about? Take something simple like the act of cooking and run wild in a field or devious dandelions. That’s what I have done with edamame. Sure they taste great on their own, like nature’s candy. But I wanted to sex it up a bit. What better way to do that than smother them in aphrodisiacal flavor and roast them to perfection? Take it from this edamame’s boy; you will be happy you took my cue. Read the rest of this entry »


PANTY PLUNDER CUCUMBER SALAD

January 20, 2016

X marks the G-spot

Arrr! Ahoy, maties! I spot a hard body off the starboard bow! Land ho (or was that hos?)! We shall not rest until we collect all the doubloons in their pantaloons. Plunder everything you can before we make off into the night. We shall woo them with our finest spices traded from the far East. The healthier, shinier, and tastier the treasure, the better! If you don’t like your captain’s skullduggery, walk the plank!

Read the rest of this entry »


POKING SOME POKE

December 2, 2015

Poking around in the dark never tasted so good.

Aloha, hula girls! Kamana wanna laya. That is Hawaiian for, “Come over and I’ll make you dinner.” At least that’s what the tour guide tart said to me on a tropical rainforest walk. Being the unusual tourist with caustic wit is at least good for something. My lack of fanny-pack, Pearl Harbor commemorative t-shirt, and golf hat gave me away. Eager to get away from the family, and, do I really need a reason to jump into the car of an attractive stranger? This lickable local showed me the real Hawaii, including a real Hawaiian bar where my weak sauce knowledge of surfing lingo was mocked. Lucky for my fragile ego, she took me home after for the promised homemade meal. This babe had a badass blade and sliced up sashimi grade ahi tuna her friend caught that morning. I honestly can’t tell you what was better, the poke or the poking. Read the rest of this entry »


SUCK-U-LENT SUSHI SINWICH

October 16, 2015
If you don't like succulent food, you can suck it.

If you don’t like succulent food, you can suck it.

Can you slice a watermelon with a katana blade?  Do you use nunchucks to pound out pizza dough?  Can you catch a fly with chopsticks?  Then you are a kitchen ninja.  Clearly your rigorous training has paid off because your culinary concoctions are deadly delicious.  You make the knuckleheads competing on Top Chef look like low-level samurai sous chefs.  Now it’s time to drop a sake bomb in your home kitchen in the ultimate mission: sexual culinary conquest.  There’s an unattainable geisha whose lotus flower has not been plucked in many rice harvests.  It’s time to mix your Japanese fighting style with some Western flavor to make funky fusion food.  Assemble your fiercest weapon: APHRODISIACS and make your sensei proud.  Should you fail, you must perform hari-kari.  Now go get ‘em, you nasty ninjas! Read the rest of this entry »


SO-BANGING SOBA NOODLES

September 23, 2013

Soba So Lucky So Good

There are bad carbs and good carbs. Some good carbs can be great carbs with the right amount of sex appeal. We’re about to take what is already damn good for you and make it damn good for your culinary seduction game. Leave it to the Japanese to make noodles this banging on the healthy scale. They already brought us ninjas, sumo wrestling, and anime porn. No one should be surprised that their culinary innovations are as versatile as a geisha who goes from flower dancing to lap dancing. The addition of winter veggies creates an extra bonus like banging a hottie who can actually carry on a conversation other than shopping or sports. I think I’m in love, or just very hungry and horny. Either way, munch freely! Read the rest of this entry »


OOH OOH! PONZU COUSCOUS

May 29, 2013
If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce

If some asks if you have balls, assure them you got plenty flavored with ponzu sauce

Looking for a side dish that will steal the show and make your guests go “Ooh ooh!”? Look no further than this Japanese/Israeli fusion. Truth be told, I ate it a fancy restaurant that served seared ahi strips over it. The tuna was aight, but the couscous smacked me in the face and left me smiling 7+ years after the fact. Sadly, this restaurant shut down shortly thereafter. So I was left with little choice but attempt to recreate it in my own kitchen. I’m certainly glad that I did because this little side has been wowing girls ever since. Repeat CTB dates will often demand I whip up a batch, even if I’m serving PASTA. Apparently it left more of an impression that my naked body did after the meal. Fair enough. So long as one of my dishes pulls in repeat visitors willing to gratify my ego and libido alike, I will always have enough ingredients on hand should they be called for. And with that, I must whip up another batch because the ponzu couscous-hungry zombies have surrounded my house once more. Read the rest of this entry »