October 8, 2014

Trap her with some red snapper

A red snapper walked into the social club wearing a three-piece suit, a pocket watch sticking out of his waistcoat. All the ladies heads turned, enthralled by this sexy piece of manfish. Who was he to deny the unwavering lust of the cougars that scratched and pulled each others’ hair to get a taste? When the dust settled, every lady was smoking a post-coital cigarette. The red snapper was nowhere to be seen, but would not soon be forgotten. ìWhat’s the lesson?î you ask. Make an impression, own the room, and you too will be devoured with the right amount of umph. Read the rest of this entry »


May 25, 2012
Blackened Catfish, blacker heart

Blackened Catfish, blacker heart

I like my catfish to match the color of my heart: black.  At least that’s what every girl I just banged has said.  Apparently sleeping with someone with no emotion beyond “boy that was fun, but the fact she hasn’t left yet is starting to annoy me” is not nice guy behavior.  Who knew?  I try to make up for my morally bankrupt existence through my culinary endeavors.  Who’s to say that cooking a meal worthy of Jesus, Moses, Mohammed or Yoda can’t redeem oneself?  This blackened catfish should at least temporarily make up for my blackened heart. Read the rest of this entry »


May 27, 2010

The tilapia swam through tilabia

This recipe comes from Olly in San Diego, CA. Very inspiring use of potatoes here. Olly writes:

What can I say about this? We got carbs and protein welded together in a half crispy, half tender bump and grind in your mouth. It’s time to cast your rod and catch one of the many fish in the sea. Slather them up with your love potion and show them all the culinary affection you can muster. Read the rest of this entry »


June 23, 2009
Smelly fish in my belly.

Smelly fish in my belly.

I recognize that smell anywhere.  Every time she walks by me my nose piques up.  Yep, there she goes again.  Tuna fish patrol on the prowl.  Most guys are repulsed by pungent poonany.  But they don’t have the culinary kink you develop being surrounded by food.  People’s filthy minds wander to sex when they eat food with certain aromas.  My mind wanders to food when I’m banging someone emanating various aromas.  The fact the girl in question smells a bit fishy only made me hungrier for meat from the sea.  While my friends dissed the funky-scented hottie, I invited her over for tuna burgers.  My whole house smelled like tuna anyway so I couldn’t smell the difference when we went from Cook To Bang.

huge tuna burger prepTotal time: approximately 10 minutes
Projected cost: $3

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 can of TUNA
2. ½ tbsp olive oil
3. Mayonnaise to taste
4. 2 hamburger buns
5. 2 green onions chopped coarsely
6. 1 small handful of cilantro chopped coarsely
7. ½ AVOCADO sliced thinly
8. ½ lime
9. 1 egg
10. ½ a Serrano CHILI diced finely

Step 1
Drain the tuna and mix it thoroughly with the green onions, cilantro, chilies and egg.
huge tuna burger mixStep 2
Form two burgers, pressing them together tightly.  Pan-fry the burgers in olive oil on medium heat, flipping once so both sides brown (approx 3 min per side).
huge tuna burger pat grill
Step 3
Assemble the burgers by toasting the buns, slathering them with mayonnaise and avocado.  Slide the tuna patties in, slap them together and slice in half.
huge tuna burger toast assemble
Serve them up solo, with salad or some TOTALLY SWEET POTATO FRIES.
huge tuna burger served 2

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