Oh boy! Oh man! Oh god! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (to NKTOB groove)! These are just some of the many reactions I have heard to making oatmeal CTB style. We’ve all eaten instant oatmeal, mostly during childhood, although some of us (my friends know who I speak of) still gobble that shit up. But what about the rest of whose taste buds haven’t matured beyond a 6-year-old, their fingers stained with Kool-Aid? Oatmeal can be something other than a bland exercise in self-restraint. But why not have the best of both worlds? Nutrition and flavor can still give each other lap dances with the right amount of TLC. And that’s what this recipe is all about. Here’s to the one sleeping in your bed who’s waking up to a big surprise. Expect them to be smiling like a donut. Read the rest of this entry »
So you’ve just wrapped up a sexual escapade that lasted all morning. Your date is ravenous and is threatening mutiny if you don’t fill their gullets stat. You can do nothing and risk never hearing from them again, which may be the right choice if it’s some skank or bozo. But chances are you wouldn’t have allowed them to stay the night if they weren’t worth making a little effort to feed. If all goes to plan, the afternoon can be a sequel to the morning’s kinky adventures between the sheets. This recipe originated from a severe lack of ingredients. I had only one egg, frozen blackberries and a very hungry girl in my bed. So I improvised and made the morning carry on into the evening, flaking on set plans to have dinner with my mother. Sorry, mom! She forgave me and my date did not erase me from her phonebook. One last thought, why settle for bisquik and water, when the from scratch method takes two extra seconds and yields randy results? Read the rest of this entry »
The French have given Americans so much: the Statue of Liberty, tongue kissing and more varieties of food than positions in the Kama Sutra. Those beret-wearing frogs sure know how to live. They believe in embracing the finer things in life like food (including wine), art (porn counts) and sex (ménage a trios anyone?). Merci beaucoup, my French friends! Breakfast is whole lot sexier thanks to those wine-guzzling hedonists. So embrace the meal after you’re done embracing the lucky lady or man who slept over. Surprise them with this outstanding good morning treat wearing nothing more than an apron and a kinky smile. Bonus points if you use a French accent when you serve up this gourmet take on a classic breakfast dish. Ooh la la!
Ingredients (for two, two toasts each):
1. ½ cup if milk
2. Maple or breakfast syrup
3. 2 tablespoons of jam
4. 2 teaspoons of cinnamon
5. 2 eggs
6. 2 tablespoons of cream cheese
7. Butter to grease pan and serve a top the meal
8. 4 slices of Texas toast or other thick bread slices
Cut a slice diagonally across the bread. Fill each slice with a ½ tablespoon of cream cheese, then a ½ tablespoon of jam.
Pour the milk and crack the eggs into a wide bowl. Toss in the cinnamon and mix it all into a batter. Dip each piece of prepared bread in the bowl, and then dip again on the other side so they absorb some batter. Be sure not to leave it soaking too long or you’ll end up with flaccid French toast.
Grease the frying pan or griddle with some butter. Throw each piece of stuffed, dipped bread and grill them up. Cook each side about 3 minutes before flipping. They will be browned, with perhaps a tiny black. Serve on a plate with a slice of butter, syrup and perhaps a proclamation of undying love.