SALMON GRILLS AND PASTA THRILLS

June 8, 2009
This fish dish offers thrills, grills, and hopefully no spills.

This fish dish offers thrills, grills, and hopefully no spills.

Some naysayers will claim that salmon is a boring fish to eat.  So predictable, so typical, so uninspired. You have my permission to give them an atomic wedgie for believing they think outside of the box.  These people haven’t left the box since slap bracelets were in.  Salmon is only as boring as the chef cooking with it.  Think of it salmon as a blank canvas for a painter or a mold of clay for a sculptor.  You could just paint a still life or sculpt a symmetrical vase.  But you could also create something groundbreaking that will shake the art world to its self-righteous core.  Now translate that “fuck the norm” attitude to your culinary creations.  Throw some flare into that fish and your night’s post-curricular activities will be rated for Mature audiences only due to nudity, sexual content and adult language. Violence will be notably absent.

salmon pasta prepTotal time: approximately 20 minutes
Projected cost: $14
Drinking Buddy: White wine

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 tsp of sea salt
2. 8-ounces of dry penne pasta
3. 3 tbsp of olive oil
4. 1 lb SALMON filet
5. 1 handful of sliced mushrooms
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. 1 handful of fresh ROSEMARY
8. 2 garlic cloves chopped finely
9. 1 lemon halved

Step 1
If you are grilling with charcoal, get the coals going.  Marinate the salmon in 2 tbsp of olive oil, pluck the rosemary from the sprig and squeeze ½ the lemon over it.
salmon pasta marinate
Step 2
Boil the penne al dente, seasoning the water with olive oil and sea salt (approx 10 min).  While you wait for the pasta to boil, move onto Step 3.  When the pasta is ready, drain and mix it in with sautéed veggies in Step 3.
salmon pasta boil mix
Step 3
Sauté the garlic and onion with the remaining olive oil on medium heat.  Mix in the mushrooms and sauté it all with sea salt ½ tsp of salt until they are soft (approx 6 min).
salmon pasta saute
Step 4
When the charcoal or gas grill is ready, throw the marinated fish on.  Pour the excess marinade over the fish and put on the lid.  Grill until the outside of the fish whitens and the inside is a pinkish white (approx 5 min).  salmon pasta bbq serve it

Serve pieces of salmon over plates of pasta and squeeze the remaining lemon.
salmon pasta served 2

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I AIN’T NO ANGEL HAIR PASTA

March 3, 2009
Angel, devil, these are just words.  We're all sinners.  Embrace it!

Angel, devil, these are just words. We're all sinners. Embrace it!

I may seem like an angel by providing the world with my culinary creations.  Despite my commitment to helping my fellow my man and loving my neighbor(‘s wife), I am not a holy roller with a halo floating above my head. Shocking, I know.  But take heart. In spite of my lack of high morals and self-righteousness, I do have good intentions.  Sure I am perverse and refuse to wait until marriage to indulge in carnal delight. Yet my reader’s happiness and health is of the utmost importance to me.  In fact, the United States Surgeon General has appointed me to a task force to get people to eat better and exercise more.  Hence, I encourage that all of you of appropriate age (children and elderly need not apply) to COOK TO BANG regularly.  Sure some televangelist might condemn me to burn in eternal damnation, but ask yourself this: How cool will the eternal afterlife be with guys with glued on hairweaves telling you what a miserable sinner you are?  I’ll take the hot tub in hell packed full of nymphomaniacs.

i-aint-no-angel-hair-prepTotal time: approximately 15 minutes
Projected cost: $6 (excluding wine)
Drinking Buddy: Red or white wine

Ingredients (serves 2):
1. 1 cup of white wine
2. 2 tablespoons of olive oil
3. 1 tablespoon of salt
4. 2 handfuls of cherry tomatoes
5. 3 garlic cloves chopped finely
6. 1 onion chopped coarsely
7. ½ lemon worth of juice
8. Parmesan to your liking
9. 8 ounces of dried angel hair pasta

Step 1
Warm up the olive oil in a decent sized pan on medium-high heat.  Sauté the garlic until they whiten (approx 30 seconds), sauté the onions until they become translucent (approx 2 minutes), and then flavor it all with salt. Next cook the cherry tomatoes until they soften (approx 3 minutes), before adding the lemon juice and white wine and allow it to simmer while you move on to Step 2.
i-aint-no-angel-hair-sauce
Step 2
Bring a large pot of water to a boil and break in the angel hair pasta.  Follow the instructions and cook until the pasta becomes al dente.  Drain, wash out the excess starch and pour the pasta into the sauce and cook together until heated through.  Serve onto alone of with some kickass ENTRÉE.  Grate as much Parmesan as you feel worthy.
i-aint-no-angel-hair-pasta

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